2014 - Day 22 - Third USA Trip - What a dreadful show!

So much for our attempt at an early morning swim on the ship.  We have woken to a rather large electrical storm.   We put off the idea of a swim to another day.

Today there is really not a great deal to report on for two reasons.  First, we were at sea all day on route to Panama.  Secondly, as it is Wednesday, it is “Formal Night”.  There are several formal nights on board.  This is where you cannot eat in the dining rooms unless the men are wearing the likes of a dinner suit or tuxedo, and the women are wearing the likes of a cocktail dress.  The Bear and I deliberately chose NOT to bring any clothes of this nature.  This is also for a couple of reasons.  First, we are on vacation!  Why on earth we would want to dress up formally during our holiday?  The easy answer to that is….we don’t!  Second, I will wear a dress on three occasions.  My own wedding, perhaps another persons wedding, and funerals.  I have never owned a cocktail dress is my life and wasn’t about to buy one at aged nearly 48.  Third, I don’t like suits.  They remind me of my father and I do not want that. Make of that what you will.

On formal nights, we have one of two choices for dinner – the buffet, or room service which has a limited menu.  Given that it’s far too warm for hell to have frozen over, we refuse to eat at the buffet.  To eat there is a life threatening expedition where we can be trampled to death given the 2000 people willing to stampede just to get the first bread roll, so we settle for a cheeseburger and fries from room service.

After dinner we decided to go to the scheduled show as it came as being highly recommended by our aging, cruise director, Richard.  Richard looks like the love child of Captain Stubing and the Paddlepop Lion.  Given Richards possible alternative sexual preference we feel that he may have impeccable taste (like my other much loved gay friends) and we opted to go to the show on his recommendation.  This is despite needing to sit amid the several hundred old folk in their formal attire.  The penguins and their ladies (mutton dressed us as ham) looked down their noses at the folk dressed in smart casual wear that dotted the theatre.  That is like waiving a red flag at a bull with me, so with every one of their prim and proper moves, I counteracted it with one of mine. Childish?  Yes!  Fun?  You bet!  It’s always fun to get up the nose of the suits.

The show we were there to see was for a comedian/musician.  I wasn’t sure how they went together but giving that I love both comedy and music, and given that this show came highly recommended, I was looking forward to it.  When the “star” of the show (with an aging has-been rocker look) came onto the stage, he asked who had seen his show before.  More than half of the crowd stuck up their hands and cheered loudly.  This confirmed what I already believed – that it would be a hell of a show.

The bloke started singing his first song “Just a Gigolo” in a scratchy, out of tune voice.  I figured that this must be the comedy part of the act.  Unfortunately….it wasn’t.  I am fairly sure that all of the oldies must have had their hearing aides turned down because they cheered wildly.   As he launched into his one and only joke (one which I had heard before I left primary school) I thought the old folk would have a heart attack from their laughing. I mean seriously, how had they not heard this before?  And it wasn’t even funny!

His second song was “You are so beautiful” by Joe Cocker.  He totally destroyed that song whilst the crowd cheered wildly.  I was enormously offended as that song should not be trashed by anyone – least of all a one person act, an aging and extraordinarily bad comedian/musician.  He launched into a set of songs by Rod Stewart and despite the oldies (whom I know decided were completely deaf) applauding each time, I was more and more convinced that this bloke was a hack.   In fact the Bear described him as “heinous”.

There was not another single joke, just more very bad singing and more adoring applause to the point where we could take no more.  Clearly most of these people were at the wrong end of dementia.  Much to the surprise of the penguins and the mutton we got up and walked out mid performance.   Seriously, WTF?  I should not be surprised that this was the quality of “first class act” on this floating old aged people’s home, but shit I wouldn’t have imposed this dude on my worst enemy!

We went back to our stateroom with the intention of having an early night.  Tomorrow morning we will begin the transit through the Panama Canal before am so we want to be up for that!