Just when I thought I had American loo's all worked out....I found....that I don't. I know that I have been asked not to discuss my toilet issues....but hey! This is MY blog. If you don't like it...don't read it.
Today we flew from New Orleans to San Francisco. As the flight didn't leave until after 5pm, we had a few hours to wait given the check out times at the hotel. As it had been raining heavily we figured it would be warm and dry at the airport. We had a supply of snacks on us; I had magazines and the Bear had his book (on 9/11 of all things); and we had our phones. We had no doubt that we would be able to fill the hours.
The Bear and I set up camp and I left everything with him whilst I visited the ladies room. I walked in and waited for a stall to become available. When it did, I marched on in however noticed that the lady (????) before me had left wet toilet paper or something similar all over the seat. I stood for approximately .007 of a second trying to figure out how the hell she did that, before backing up really quick. I waited again, and went into the next available stall. Bloody hell! The same thing had happened! The dirty woman left stuff all over the toilet seat. I did this another 3 times for different stalls before figuring I couldn't wait any longer. As it would be 2 hours before we boarded, I could not wait that time for a tinkle.
I enter the 6th stall and yes...you guessed it....there was we tissue all over the toilet seat. Or was it? I went further into the stall and could just make out that there was some green writing on the wall behind the toilet. I squinted really hard because I did not take my glasses in with me. It read "Before us: wave hand in front of green wall mounted sensor OR press green button for sanitary seat cover. Stops automatically". I looked desperately for a green wall mounted sensor however couldn't find one. I started waving my arms around madly trying to set off a sensor however this proved to be useless. I resorted to its next instruction, and pressed the green button. Well bugger me with a fish fork......I have no idea how this happened but its was like the whole toilet seat started rotating, and whirred its way around to present an apparent "clean" part of the toilet seat cover. This fascinated me so much I actually let out a squeal! The previous 5 ladies did not leave wet toilet paper on the seat. It is just something akin to a condom for a toilet seat!
Happy that I now had this all worked out, I figured I could finally have a tinkle, and went to sit down. Now there is absolutely no warning that I could see that indicated that you should sit down carefully, due to the said toilet seat protector being so damned slippery. I promptly slid to the right. Fortunately for me my very ample left cheek somehow caught on the toilet seat and saved me from slipping onto the floor. Thanks heavens for small mercies. However, my slip gave me the opportunity to view the floor at an acute angle, and found that the floor was wet. I am guessing that is because it had been pouring all day and people would have been coming and going with wet shoes.
I automatically pulled up the legs of my jeans, as I did not want to spend 5 hours on a plane with the bottom of the jeans saturated. However the minute I was holding them up, I no longer had to hands to help me to stop slipping off the loo! The only reasonable action that I could take to free up my hands, was to stick my feet up on the walls on either side of the stall. I looked like a star fish in the mid stages of rigor mortis. I cannot possibly describe the remaining stressful minutes spent in the toilet!
I went back to the Bear, collected my phone, and marched back in to take a photo of this all. I felt that there would be no possible way that I could describe this accurately....so wanted to show you with a photo!
Next stop.....San Francisco!
Today we flew from New Orleans to San Francisco. As the flight didn't leave until after 5pm, we had a few hours to wait given the check out times at the hotel. As it had been raining heavily we figured it would be warm and dry at the airport. We had a supply of snacks on us; I had magazines and the Bear had his book (on 9/11 of all things); and we had our phones. We had no doubt that we would be able to fill the hours.
The Bear and I set up camp and I left everything with him whilst I visited the ladies room. I walked in and waited for a stall to become available. When it did, I marched on in however noticed that the lady (????) before me had left wet toilet paper or something similar all over the seat. I stood for approximately .007 of a second trying to figure out how the hell she did that, before backing up really quick. I waited again, and went into the next available stall. Bloody hell! The same thing had happened! The dirty woman left stuff all over the toilet seat. I did this another 3 times for different stalls before figuring I couldn't wait any longer. As it would be 2 hours before we boarded, I could not wait that time for a tinkle.
I enter the 6th stall and yes...you guessed it....there was we tissue all over the toilet seat. Or was it? I went further into the stall and could just make out that there was some green writing on the wall behind the toilet. I squinted really hard because I did not take my glasses in with me. It read "Before us: wave hand in front of green wall mounted sensor OR press green button for sanitary seat cover. Stops automatically". I looked desperately for a green wall mounted sensor however couldn't find one. I started waving my arms around madly trying to set off a sensor however this proved to be useless. I resorted to its next instruction, and pressed the green button. Well bugger me with a fish fork......I have no idea how this happened but its was like the whole toilet seat started rotating, and whirred its way around to present an apparent "clean" part of the toilet seat cover. This fascinated me so much I actually let out a squeal! The previous 5 ladies did not leave wet toilet paper on the seat. It is just something akin to a condom for a toilet seat!
Happy that I now had this all worked out, I figured I could finally have a tinkle, and went to sit down. Now there is absolutely no warning that I could see that indicated that you should sit down carefully, due to the said toilet seat protector being so damned slippery. I promptly slid to the right. Fortunately for me my very ample left cheek somehow caught on the toilet seat and saved me from slipping onto the floor. Thanks heavens for small mercies. However, my slip gave me the opportunity to view the floor at an acute angle, and found that the floor was wet. I am guessing that is because it had been pouring all day and people would have been coming and going with wet shoes.
I automatically pulled up the legs of my jeans, as I did not want to spend 5 hours on a plane with the bottom of the jeans saturated. However the minute I was holding them up, I no longer had to hands to help me to stop slipping off the loo! The only reasonable action that I could take to free up my hands, was to stick my feet up on the walls on either side of the stall. I looked like a star fish in the mid stages of rigor mortis. I cannot possibly describe the remaining stressful minutes spent in the toilet!
I went back to the Bear, collected my phone, and marched back in to take a photo of this all. I felt that there would be no possible way that I could describe this accurately....so wanted to show you with a photo!
Next stop.....San Francisco!
