2024 - Trip 11 to USA (and a brief stop in Canada) Day 1. 30th September - take 1 !

Finally it's D-Day. Our latest trip to the land of the star spangled banner has arrived.  My fretting for my dogs is already full on, which is not helped by their accusing glares when they spotted  me putting clothes into suitcases.  Once upon a time I would have been completely packed weeks ago however these days I am still throwing clothes in a suitcase when the Bear is pulling the car out. My NJ (feeding) tube has been removed for the trip due to it being impossible to travel with and I am just thrilled to have the sticky gauze off of my face. 

We realise the next few days are going to be quite hideous.  Since the Brisbane to LA flight has moved from morning, to very late at night, we have found that jetlag is worse than previously. Yes, it might sound appealing leaving at night as one might assume it will be easier to sleep through the flight.  While this is true, it also means that when you arrive in LA, it is night time again and therefore you are landing not far from bedtime. We will be flying on to New York however the stop over is approximately 14 hours so have decided to get a room at a hotel not far from LAX.  Once we get through customs and border security, and find the airport shuttle which will take us to the hotel, we will be lucky to get only a few hours of shut-eye given that our flight to New York will be early the following morning. 

We leave home with plenty of time to spare to allow for traffic and roadworks however we need not have worried as it was a fairly easy trip down.  We actually arrived at the International Airport before the flight opened to check in although didn't have too long to wait.  And so began, the first of many times we would be asked, where we are going, how long are we going for, where will we be staying, and what was the purpose of our travel? We cleared security and customs fairly quickly however was slowed down a bit by a feral traveller who had zero problems with line jumping.  It just happened that he decided to line-jump in front of us. This is where I would usually lose my s**t and challenge a line-jumper however given that I was just happy to be there, I let it slide.  Mind you, as he repeatedly stuffed around...over and over again.....I started to get a little hot under the collar.   I managed to keep myself in check however which was a huge pat on the back for me. 

We head up to the Qantas Business Class Lounge which was extremely underwhelming and barely recognisable to 10 or more years ago when we first started some pretty heavy duty travelling. The Qantas Club back then was amazing.  However, as it is now, it still has to be better than spending several hours sitting at the gate or at a noisy café.  This being said, we did have an American lady, sitting behind us, making countless phone calls to friends and family, speaking at top note in what sounded like an exaggerated southern drawl.  I figured we may as well get used to it, because that is what we would be hearing for the next 5 weeks. 

When we knew our flight would be boarding soon, we started the epic journey to the gate furthest away from where we were.   I have no idea why, but the LA flight always departs from the last gate.  I have no idea why as it is not exactly a hive of activity after 10pm.  We started our trek down to gate 86 with me wanting to set up base camp half way down the concourse. My short legs take 6 steps to each 1 step that the Bear takes, so have an insane time trying to keep up.   When we got to the gate, there was the usual pandemonium with people jostling for a place in line as though they were concerned that the plane would leave with out them. 

Finally, at what was waaaay past our usually bedtime, we finally made our way down to the plane.   We were greeted by a flight attendant, with a brilliant smile and a massive girth, forcing me to wonder for the millionth time as to why I was rejected for a position by Ansett Airlines in 1984 for being approximately 7 centimetres too short. All airlines back then had strict protocols. You had to look a certain way (tick); you had to weigh under a certain weight (tick); and you had to be at least 169 cm tall (fail). This bloke was huge however as we would find out, would give exceptional customer service, except for the fact that he used the "F" word on more than one occasion and was less than discreet about it. 

As per usual, once on board, we grabbed our sleeping clothes and head to the loos to change.  Given my usual issues with toilets on airplanes I had a plan to have a drama-free change, so that I could get back to my seat and get comfy for the flight.  One thing that I had not taken into consideration, was that the onboard toilets, had again shrunk in size.  In 2012 when on my first trip to the USA, the toilets were a reasonable size and were elegantly decorated with fresh flowers.  I have seen them shrink over the years and cannot remember the last time I saw fresh flowers however this time I found them too small to even turn around in.  Apparently they reduce the size of the toilets and galleys, so that more seats can be placed on the aircraft. As I tried to unsuccessfully survey my surroundings to set a plan in place, I briefly wondered why they don't put a window in aircraft toilets to at least give the impression of more room?   I mean, seriously, who is going to be looking in at 30,000 feet?  I managed to turn around by doing a ten-point turn whilst being thankful that I had administered my Clexane injection when still at home.  It would have been impossible doing it in this loo.  I longed for the days when my flexibility was an asset because that is what was going to be required to get changed without injury. I sat on the seat of the loo, and managed to work my legs up so that they rested on the door, in order to change into bike pants. Unfortunately that had my elbow knocking the flush button repeatedly so said a silent prayer hoping that no-one was standing outside wondering what the hell I was doing.  My grunts and groans would have given someone a VERY inaccurate account of what was going on in there as it was.  Fortunately for me, it wouldn't take long for the next person to find out what I was doing.   As I adjusted my feet on the door to try to slide my pants on, my right foot accidentally slid the lock across, therefore unlocking the door.  I know from experience that this then shows that the loo is vacant and approximately 10 seconds later an attempt was made by another passenger on the outside, to enter the toilet (which is done by pushing a folding door inwards) which promptly forced my right knee smack into my face.  Given my positioning, the gentleman copped a first class view of what was exposed due to my unladylike pose before retreating, red faced, down the aisle.

When I eventually extracted myself from the poor excuse of a toilet, I stumbled haphazardly back down the aisle wondering what injuries I may have received and already dreading getting back into my good clothes just prior to arriving in LA.  I made myself a promise not too drink too much during the flight therefore limiting my need to use the bathroom.  I also noticed that the Bear had not returned from getting changed himself and wondered how the hell he would go as it would be like putting a giraffe in a matchbox.  I didn't have long to wait until I saw him coming towards me, bathed in sweat and walking with a limp that he hadn't had when we boarded the plane.  He seemed to have also developed a stutter and nervous tic. I asked if he was ok and he managed to stammer his own experience of getting changed in the toilet/closet. On top of this, he looked extremely concerned - which I found out wasn't due to his newly broken arm and leg, but due to the fact that he was now missing a testicle. 

Somewhere between midnight and 1am we were served dinner, and were advised not to open the window shades until our arrival in Los Angeles at approximately 6.30pm on the same day which we left.   This is apparently so that your body gets used to the time difference however I have not got the faintest idea how that works given the night arrival in LA.  We apparently land approximately an hour and a half after being served breakfast so I am at a loss how this is meant to help the body adjust to the new time zones.  In fact, it will be bed time just after we land.  Given that my feeding tube is out, I spent the night hungry as there was nothing on the menu that I could even attempt to get down.  However I knew this would happen and will try to purchase some protein shakes in the USA and will slowly sip them through the day to keep myself alive.     

The Bear seemed to have recovered from his trauma in the onboard lavatories although apparently still hasn't found his missing testicle.   Fortunately we still have another 13 hours onboard for him to find it, as we head towards the International Date Line and live 30th September all over again!