2016 Trip - Day 2 - aka Day 1 Take 2 !!

Back on the plane, we finally left Brisbane and began our journey back in time.  I am always amazed at how we board a plane, fly for such a long time, open the door at the other end, and find ourselves stepping into another country/hemisphere/season.  But what blows my mind most of all, is that we land at LAX on the same day that we left Brisbane, not to mention BEFORE the time we actually left.   Well…that’s not the case on this occasion due to the delay in our departure…but that’s usually the way it goes.  And on this occasion I am seriously glad that I get to do this day over, because it has completely sucked thus far!  I always like to call this period…..Day 1 Take 2!!

Once in the air the Captain assured us that he had been given permission to go a little faster to try to make up for lost time.  There were many passengers on board that would be missing their connecting flights so the pilots needed to put their foot to the floor (or however they do it) and give it their best. 

I was still feeling a little dopey after the Phenergan however not enough to stop my face burning, or to knock me out.  Lunch/dinner was served however I seriously did not feel like eating (although hive-five to the chef who made the most amazing zucchini soup) and decided that soup and a bread roll would do me nicely.  My head was still banging, my face was still burning, and we were coming up to the time where the flight attendants put us to bed.  You think I am joking right?   Whilst it is a bit “tongue in cheek” it is pretty much close to the truth.  Because we are travelling in the opposite direction to the earth’s rotation, we are effectively going against the clock…..sort of like going back in time.  This means that night falls several hours earlier than we would normally expect it.  The night is long…and when we land, it is early on the same morning that we left our home port.  To try to help passengers adjust to the time difference, when the sun “sets” the plane has coloured lights, that simulates dusk.  They then turn the lights out, close all of the window shades, encouraging passengers to go to sleep.  This reduces the flight attendants work load during the night, and as I said, helps the passengers’ attempt to reduce the affects of jet lag.    First thing in the morning, the passengers wake up (if they got any sleep at all!) to a sunrise which is simulated by those same coloured lights, and eventually the window shades are opened to greet the new day.  And there you have it.  Day 1 Take 2!

Anyway, back to what I was talking about in the previous paragraph.  I had a headache, I had a toothache and earache, and of course my skin was still burning.  I looked like a twisted sandshoe with shingles and was seriously pissed that we had (according to the flight plan which each passenger has access to) 12 hours left to go.  I couldn’t take more Phenergan and had nothing else on me. I decided that in my bag of tricks, I only had one option left.  Alcohol.  Hit the plonk.  Get on the piss. This of course could have a rather severe consequence.  Not because I was drinking alcohol after taking an antihistamine earlier……but rather just because I was having alcohol full stop.  Possible consequences (based on past experience) include pole dancing;  stripping; , thinking…..no…actually KNOWING that I can sing like a diva and dance like J-Lo. Could I risk subjecting my fellow passengers to an impromptu performance doing the “Charleston” up the aisle?  Or play “eye-spy with my little eye, something beginning with “T” ” before running off with all of the toupees that I could identify?  I decided that I would run that risk, because I was fairly certain I was only 2 heartbeats away from an aneurism.   So…..two rather large glasses of Cab Sav were quickly consumed.  This is something that I NEVER do and I actually waited for my flamboyant alter-ego to make an appearance, however I was out like a light within minutes.  Fortunately I made no attempt to entertain my fellow passengers, or more importantly, I consumed alcohol without embarrassing the Bear.

I slept for a few hours, which was good.  I woke with my headache slightly less painful, and the burning on my face had subsided which was such a relief.  I was almost clear headed enough to tackle my next challenge.  The loo. I won’t babble on about this, in today’s blog.  I have carried on enough in previous blogs about my dislike for airplane toilets, and automatic flushing toilets.  Thank God the loo on the plane did not have an automatic flushing toilet, because quite frankly, I would have a nervous breakdown.    I could not postpone my trip up the aisle any longer so with much care and precision, and with confidence and grace, I made it into the bathroom without incident.  Just as a side note, I would like to point out to the airlines, that they did not have to take the words “water closet” so literally.

Once inside the cubicle, I made the 90 degree turn (as practised in my head) to look into the mirror.  Jesus.  My hair was standing on its end and pointing towards the right as if to say “she went thatta way”, and I had some sort of former food source, dried against the left side of my mouth.  My left breast had also somehow escaped from its bra cup.  I don’t even want to know how that happened!  I removed the dried food from the corner of my mouth and unsuccessfully attempted to fix my hair.  It was clear that only washing my hair would achieve that.   I straightened up my bra and put the escapee back where it belonged, before negotiating another 90 degree turn, to take my place where required.  

Sometimes I seriously wonder if there is a candid camera hidden in there somewhere, where footage is replayed for the amusement of airline staff.  Seriously.  Every damn time.  As I carefully went to sit down, the toilet seat kindly came up to greet me as we struck some turbulence.  I automatically went to fasten my seatbelt.  Yep…righto.  Lesson learned.  There is nothing to strap you onto the loo in the event that the plane is going down.   I looked around.  No bars, poles, handles, bollards, ropes, foot pegs, anything….to be used to steady ones self when turbulent strikes when you are on the throne.  One automatically clenches ones cheeks (both sets of them) in an effort to hang in there.  The fact that the seatbelt sign comes on, and the Captain makes an announcement to point this out is absolutely no good to you at this point.   It is noteworthy though, that on the sink beside the toilet, there is a bottle of body lotion….something which would have been handy to have  this morning when my face was on fire.

The turbulence fortunately was short lived and I was able to take myself and my bruised butt back to my seat and found that despite the turbulence, the Bear was still sleeping.   Over the next couple of hours, I watched 5 episodes of “ Keeping up with the Kardashians”  during which I was sure I could feel my IQ dropping however simply could not be bothered arguing with a temperamental entertainment screen.  We were only a few hours outside of Los Angeles now, and I was determined that I was not going to be stressed during Day 1 Take 2. The fake sunrise presented itself, and breakfast was served. Honestly I have no idea why such a reputable airline such as QANTAS continue to serve their customers paint stripper in lieu of decent coffee.  In fact they could serve it in lieu of really bad instant coffee as this would have to be better than what they have.  Mind you, having possibly broken a tooth on the cold, rock hard, multi grain toast… I was forced to swallow two mouthfuls to try and retrieve any broken bits.

We were about half an hour out of L.A when the Captain came over the PA again with another announcement.  Apparently there was a military exercise taking place in the air space outside of Los Angeles, and commercial aircraft were prevented from entering that at this time.  This meant we had to fly to the north of Los Angeles and come around to land on another runway.  What did this mean? A delay of course.  FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was tempted to ask for the remainder of the bottle of Cab Sav (or perhaps a new full one would be good!) however I kept reminding myself….Day 1 Take 2.  Use the second chance to reduce the stress!!

Finally we landed and I could have kissed the ground.  I had no idea what time it was….I just knew that according to the time and date, I should be departing Brisbane shortly.   That’s just mental!  The Bear and I did our best to bolt to the baggage collection, so that we could secure a couple of trolleys and secure our positions in front of the carousel so that we did not have to jostle through to retrieve our luggage.  We ran….ok walked….ok staggered to the baggage carousel, grabbed those trolleys and secured a pole position, and waited….and waited….and waited.  The baggage carousel was broken.

Day 1 Take 2!                Day 1 Take 2!          Day 1 Take 2!

So hours and hours after we should have arrived, we collected our hire car (which wasn’t what we had ordered….Day 1 Take 2) and were on our way to the hotel.  The Langham Hotel at Pasadena is just stunning. Beautiful. We had opted to book a cottage that was separate to the main, very majestic building and we found that it was just perfect.  It reminds us of “Old Hollywood” which is like a very opulent sixties hotel. That’s a seriously poor description however I cannot find the words which better describe it.  I will post a few photos below.   We walked in, dropped our luggage, and just as most people do, I decided to see what the bed felt like.  It wasn’t going to hurt if I just lay down for a second?  I woke a couple of hours later totally disorientated.  I had no idea where I was, what day it was, or where the Bear was. I was ridiculously sore from the plane and staggered out a little like the robot out of “ Lost in Space”  .  The remainder of the day passed in a blur as we desperately just wanted to grab a bite to eat and get to bed.  As boring as it sounds….that is exactly what we did.    I was relieved to see the end of Day 1 Take 1 AND Take 2.  I am positive that tomorrow will prove to be VERY different!

2016 Trip - Day 1 USA, Canada, Carribbean CruiseTake One (Sorry about the length!)

It seems like we have been organising this holiday forever.  Most trips we have done have been arranged rather quickly, where as this one, has been nearly 12 months in the making.  In fact, we did not venture outside of Australia in 2015 *gasp!* which means this is long overdue. 

Once I was able to tear myself away from my beloved dogs yesterday, we head to Brisbane to catch up with Cow (my sister Kylie) and Mattchoo (my baby brother Matt) for dinner.  Mattchoo only arrived back home a few days ago after spending the last 10 years in Adelaide and I had not seen him in a long time.  I was THRILLED to see him home safe and sound.  

We stayed in our usual haunt, “The Marriott” overnight and were up bright an early this morning so we could have breakfast and get ourselves to the airport.   When we stay in hotels the night before we travel, I manage to forget things that I need to stay with me.  I pack things I forget I will need before our departure.  In this trips case, it was my Olay Regenerist Serum.    Bloody hell….what was I going to do?   Every time I wash my face, my skin pulls so tight it leaves my molars dangling from my earlobes. The serum, albeit brief, can make the skin on my face turn from a desert to an oasis and given that we would be spending 14 hours on a plane, it was imperative that I find something along those lines.  Our suitcases are always left fully packed and locked in the car (we keep an overnight bag out), and there was simply no time to have the car taken out of the car park, and the suitcase brought all the way upstairs.  We would also not have time to grab some from a pharmacy on the way to the airport. The Bear and I had to do a quick scramble to see if there was anything else that might work. The plane trip would be ridiculously uncomfortable without it.   As I tore everything out of my handbag, and the overnight bag that we had packed the Bear found a bottle of “Moisturising After Shave Balm” that he received in a gift set for Christmas.  He offered it to me, and after I asked if there was anything harmful in it (because of my psoriasis)  he assured me that this was the mildest of mild, and should actually soothe my skin given its original purpose.  Given the lack of time, and the fact that my skin was now so tight I looked like the love child of a lizard and Kermit the Frog, I slathered the lotion on.

The relief was immediate…..and short lived.   I think the initial relief was helped by the gentle breeze that brushed against my skin as I leapt out of my shoes and smashed my head against the light fitting.   I think I might have screamed something that would have my Mothers toe nails curl, or perhaps that was just me hallucinating after knocking myself out for a period that was simply not long enough.   I briefly considered the possibility that I had become a victim of a tea towel wearing suicide bomber, however given that I was on the 22^nd floor of the Brisbane Marriot realised this was highly unlikely.   I plunged my face straight under the cold water tap to douse the flames, never mind my perfectly coifed hair that I had just spent an hour doing.   Here is a hint:  Moisturising After Shave Balm, is not a soothing lotion meant for ladies face.  In fact, I have no idea how it is even used on men’s skin, although I suspect I have found the reason why there is so many men are sporting beards now days.   Looking at the positives, I won’t have to bleach my moustache for an unknown period of time.  In fact there is always the possibility that my hair follicles are now permanently scarred and I can say goodbye to my tweezers and hours of plucking.

With that at little drama out of the way, we then made our way to the airport.  I looked less than elegant with wet hair and my face void of make up. However I was now sporting some bright red blotches on my cheeks and chin, which perfectly enhanced the splashes of red that was on my blouse.

Going through customs etc was unfortunately boring as I didn’t do my usual and request to be frisked.  This was possibly due to the fact that I now looked like a leper,   Given that we ended up ahead of time (traffic was ok on the way to the airport, checking in was quick, and customs was painless) I figured that my face combusting this morning was our bad luck out of the way, and the flight to Los Angeles would now be without incident.   It was more than two hours before we had to board, however we grabbed a coffee and settled back waiting patiently for our flight to open.  I finally felt pangs of excitement which had been missing to date, possibly due to the fact that this is my 5^th trip to the USA and I guess everything is now familiar. 

By the end of two hours, I was becoming slightly impatient.  My face was burning, I had a headache, I had a toothache (from what I will never know) and the chairs were uncomfortable.  I didn’t want another coffee as I didn’t want to be heading to the loo on the plane every five minutes.  Those who have read my blog recording events of previous trips, will remember the absolutely ridiculous issues I have with the impossibly small toilets.  When the flight was finally called to board, I was absolutely thrilled.  I decided to pop a couple of Phenergan (antihistamine) which I hoped would ease/soothe the burning on my face and also might help me to drop off to sleep. I settled back in my chair and closed my eyes, willing my headache to go away.  I know that any time spent sleeping will decrease the flying time which is boring as bat shit.

The flight attendant gave an announcement stating that as soon as the luggage was all placed in the overhead lockers and their doors closed, we would be “ on our way”.   The flight attendants had to prepare the door for departure. With that we waited…..and waited…..and waited.  The effect of the Phenergan was settling in, and I was comfortable dozing in my chair.    I almost missed the whole announcement that the captain was making.  I managed to get a few words though:  “Ladies and Gentleman” ; “technician” ; “apologise”  and “deplane”.  Say what??  WTF does “deplane” mean?  My eyes scanned the aeroplane before landing on the closest pilot (who also doubles as my husband) and asked what meant? Ermmm …pardon?  Did you just say that meant we had to get off the plane?  Are you serious???  We had already been at the airport for four and a half hours, and we are being told to hop back off the plane?  Holy Mother of God.   The Captains voice then came across the P.A system again.  Apparently when we instructed to leave the plane, we were to go back into the airport and wait there until we were advised that we could reboard.   All going well we should be on our way by 3.30pm.  It was currently 11am. So….roughly 4 hours.  F**K ME!!!!!!!!   *brain explosion*   The exclamations from the other passengers, especially those that had connecting flights to another destination, was deafening in the confined space of the plane.

Once I stood up to disembark, I remembered the Phenergan I had taken earlier.  No….this staggering, short, leper duck, was not drunk as it may have appeared.  I had taken anti-histamine on a relatively empty tummy.  We were meant to have lunch served to us once we got in the air.  I staggered up the aisle following the Bear and wondered if I just lay my head against his back, whether I would be able to catch a bit of shut eye with my legs just following his.  Hmmmm….nope.   Instead we opted to go back to the QANTAS club, to get a bite to eat in a more comfortable environment and if I fell asleep it would not be as noticeable there.

The Bear was giving me his opinion on what might be wrong, and what it would take to fix it.  He was then telling me how to tie-dye a white rabbit.   I looked up and the Bear was staring at me.  I had fallen asleep whilst he was talking.   He continued saying that some time parts had to be flown from a airport, however given the time frame that this might take,  I would throw bananas at the monkey sitting on the top of the control tower.   Bloody hell.  The Bear was staring at me again.  I shook my head and listened as he told me that the part that was required DID have to be flown up from Sydney.  He said that the tech crew operating this flight, might extend over the maximum amount of duty time that they are allowed to work and instead might need to paint our toenails.   Struth who on earth shoved that Phenergan down my throat?  Probably Elmer Fudd who was chasing Sylvester the Cat up and down the runway.  I shook my head again and told the Bear that nature was calling.  I staggered to the ladies toilets, and sat down to tinkle and found the cubicle to be quiet and dimly lit. I leant my head against the wall…..and fed apple to the aardvark that had crawled in under the door.  Thank heavens for a toddler who started screaming in the next stall because I woke with a start and completed the task at hand, before washing my hands and heading back out to the Bear.  He had wondered where I was.

This debacle happened for our remaining time on the ground and much to the relief of a poor Bear who was suffering from my daytime sleep walking.   We did get away at 3.30pm at which time I actually was wide awake.  It was too early to take any more tablets.   Had we departed on time, I would have slept until we were over Fiji.    I wished that 1 March could be “redone” .  Well in effect that actually could happen, because Los Angeles is 18 hours behind Brisbane, therefore allowing me to live through that date again albeit on the other side of the world.  Cool!!!