We are going back to the USA and I am so damned excited. It is only a short trip of two weeks but that will be just awesome. I have unfinished business there and have been dying to go back. We wont be going as stand by on Qantas because all of the flights filled. We have been lucky enough to secure two of the few remaining seats on Korean Airways which means that we will be going via Seoul, but that's ok. Just another country to visit!
We arrive a Alyx's at 5.30 am. She is going to be dropping us off at the airport. As we are heading to the International Airport I ask her if she can give me a quick lesson in Korean. I realise that she doesn't know a great deal however knows a little due to her Tae Kwon Do. That is 100% more than I do! I was hoping she just might know something a long with "I'm going to kick your head in" in case I needed it in Seoul. She rattles off a few words which I try to repeat. The last one I liked the best because it was "thank you". Yes I might need that. "Cum ash humpty doo daa". Alyx laughs and says that is nothing like what she said and she repeats the words for me....."Cum ash humpty doo daa". I repeat them again. She laughs and said again that it was nothing like it. I complete ignore her because I now think I can speak Korean - "cum ash humpty doo daa". The truth is that it probably says something like "Your Mum wears army boots" but I am trying. Very trying.
We get to the airport before the sun is up and we make our way to the Korean Airways counter to check in. A pretty Korean lady by the name of Sunny checks us in. She is a cluey lass - she picks up straight away that the four empty suitcases that we are trying to check in are indeed for the purpose of shopping. Whoops I didn't think I was that obvious. I tell her "Walmart rocks!" and she looks at me as though I have two heads. She provides us with our boarding passes. "Cum ash humpty doo daa Sunny!".
We go through security and I decide that it is too early in the morning to request a frisk search. I am miffed however when I am randomly selected from the line of people to go through the nudey x-ray machine. Everyone goes through them in the USA however it is a random selection in Australia. I mean what the? I looked around at all of the shady people who are probably carrying bazookas in their trousers and bombs in their turbans and I get picked? In that case, I figured I might as well request the frisk search. This was denied. Drats.
We find a way to pass the time until we boarded the A330 bound for Seoul. The first thing I noticed is that the interior was not dissimilar to that of St Vincent's Hospital. The colour scheme was a perfect match and the flight attendants attire was of the same colour. The second thing I noticed is that every flight attendant looked identical to the next. I wondered if I would have the need to tell them apart, and decided....no. As we approached our seats one of the identical octuplets was standing in the aisle next to our seats, smiling and saying "Psa. Psa". Say what???? "Psa". Ok so she is speaking in her native tongue but I haven't a clue what she is saying. I don't think Alyx mentioned that one. Was it "Welcome" maybe? "Sit the hell down" perhaps? I replied with my very best Korean "cum ash humpty doo daa". This didn't appear to have any effect so I felt the need to bow. She smiled at this. Ok...bowing was the way to go.
The flight to Seoul was long however we managed to fill our time with some of the on board flight movies and shows. There are nowhere near what Qantas has, however they made up this with their food and their customer service. I certainly appreciated that. I couldn't understand or hear any of the PA announcements because most of them were in Korean. They were repeated in English but were so soft I simply couldn't make out what they were saying.
The flight was reasonably comfortable with some turbulence but I am ok with that. We flew over Papua New Guinea which I could see clearly out the window. It's dense rain forests were an extremely lush green and I tried to picture my Grandad negotiating his way through them as he did in the war. We flew directly over the southern tip of Japan and I could see villages scattered through out. The sky over Japan was quite amazing. Rather than the deep rich blue that you might see on a clear sunny morning in Far North Queensland, it was another type of beautiful blue. Sort of like a pastel that you might expect to see on a painting. Quite hard to describe.
Seoul is an amazing city to view from the air. It is very flat with the occasional hill. There are many, many spots of high density housing with the buildings jutting up from the flat land like matchsticks. There appears to be several business areas with tall buildings as well, rather than having them all in a central district. In between these spots of buildings and high density housing, there are lush fields of green crops and farming. They are everywhere and the contrast was incredible. There are bodies of water which look man made although I am sure they are not. There is the longest bridge that seems to rise out of the water channel and has the most spectacular suspension in the middle of it. I wished I was allowed to use my camera on descent to photograph it because it truly was an amazing work of art. I found it hard to believe that I was actually landing in I South Korea and it truly blew my mind. My sister landed here only six months ago during a very cold winter. She had described the snow and cold to me and I was able to imagine what it would have looked like. Well that was until we disembarked and was met with the most incredible heat.
Bloody hell it was hot! The Bear and I raised a very easy sweat whilst trying to negotiate the hoards of Koreans. We had to find our way to the monorail which would take us across to where we would connect with our flight to LA. I was torn between being fascinated by everything being in another language, and being scared because everything was in another language. I was temporarily stoked given the fact that for once I was clearly not the shortest person in a wave of tall people and could actually see where I was going amid the crowd of people. But damn it was hot!! The Bear was absolutely dripping with sweat and I silently begged him not to have a heart attack in a country where I couldn't understand a word. We found our way to the monorail and subsequently through to the area where we would be departing from in a couple of hours. I looked around for a newsagent where I could buy Alyx something authentically Korean (given her love of Tai Kwon Do) however there appeared to only be duty free stores where I could buy her a Cartier watch. Hmmmm....no.
We made our way to a couple of seats where we could stop and find something cold to drink and use the toilets. The Bear had contemplated finding somewhere to have a shower however decided against this. I for one needed the bathroom, as I had been hesitant to use the ones on board unless it was an emergency. The toilets on board did not have enough room for me to turn around in unless I wanted to practice contortionism and place one leg around my neck. With the Bear sitting comfortably I grabbed my brush and went in search of the loo.
Fortunately the pictures used for toilets are universal and I found the bathroom easily. I was surprised however to find a gentleman walking beside me. I figured that I must have made a wrong turn and was in fact going into the men's toilets. Not so. I quickly learned that the toilets were unisex. All of the cubicles were being used, or so I thought, and I felt a little disorientated whilst searching for an empty one whilst bumping into variety of Koreans both men and women. They tended to speak to me, or again so I thought, and when I wasn't mumbling "cum ash humpty doo daa" I was bowing like a chook that has just been given some pellets. Fortunately it wasn't too long before a cubicle came available.
I didn't take any notice of much as I rushed to sit down on the loo however the minute my cheeks hit the seat I realised that a few things were amiss. The first being that my tush was being treated to a gentle roasting. I wondered if the previous person might have had a hot curry to dispose of but quickly learned that the toilet seat was heated. What the? It was stinking bloody hot and the Koreans felt the need to still warm their bums? Just weird. I can see the benefit in winter but in summer? The second thing I noticed was that there didn't appear to be a flush button. "That's ok" I thought - it must be one of the automatic flushing loos that we had in the US last year. However to my right was a panel of buttons. I strained to see what they were for however didn't have my glasses with me (stupid me.....why didn't I think of having the need to take my spectacles to the loo??) and what I could make out was in Korean anyway. There was a picture of a toilet on this panel so I figured I could safely assume that this was where the flush button was kept, along with the button that warms the toilet seat. I figured the digital numbers that I could see were the current temperature that my bum cheeks were being baked at. I wondered if I could reduce this temperature just a little so that I could finally concentrate on my tinkle? I pressed one of the buttons.
Well suck me sideways and slap me with a tuna - the fright I got when a jet of water shot up my freckle was unprecedented. I am fairly sure my head bounced off the ceiling and my scream might have indicated that I was looking directly into the eyes of the devil. I leapt off the seat I discovered that I had been sitting on an automatically flushing loo so I need not have worried about which button to press. Good lord! How the hell was I going to dry my saturated butt? I guessed that one of the buttons might have been a blow dryer for the bum however I was not pressing anything else in case there was an automatic tampon inserter. I would dry myself cum ash humpty doo daa!
I staggered out of the cubicle looking as though I had met my maker and bowed to every person I bumped into. I bolted back to where the Bear was sitting and relayed my experience to him in order to warn him about the potential hazard. I believe he might have laughed in response. I cant be sure as I was too traumatised and was fairly certain I would require a certain level of counselling upon our return home.
We went in search of somewhere where I could buy Alyx a token from Korea. We managed to find a little bookstore which sold some postcards and fridge magnets. I found one that was a little tae kwon do man however couldn't for the life of me figure out how much it was. I struggled to remember what unit of currency the South Koreans used, but couldn't for the life of me remember. According to what I could see, the magnets were 300,000. 300,000 what? I figured seeing as I already had lived on the edge today, I could cope with the fact that I was making a purchase where I would later receive the surprise of whether it was $5 or $5000. I also bought a fridge magnet for our collection and as a memento of our stop over in Seoul.
With that, we made our way to the gate in order to board the 747 to Los Angeles. I bowed at every person who spoke in a foreign language to me, and hoped that I wasn't doing anything offensive. The Bear and I settled into our seats not looking forward to the lengthy next stage of our trip. I was stoked to be heading there however. Bring on L.A! Cum ash humty doo daa Korea! Or as it turns out.....kam sa hae yo!
