Our last day in Los Angeles….our last day in the U.S.A. Tonight we make the long journey home. I cannot believe that this holiday is all but over. Our flight back home tonight leaves just shy of midnight however we will need to be at LAX 3 hours prior. This makes for a VERY long day especially given that we have to check out from our hotel at lunchtime.
The Bear has asked if we can have a late checkout and we are allowed to stay until 3pm. Well at least that is something.
We decide that we will go to Paramount Studios this morning to take the tour there. The Warner Brothers Tours have been magnificent and we hoped that Paramount would be just as good. Paramount Studios are the movie studios which were once owned by Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez and during that time Lucille all but lived there. The back lot is filled with her touches including duplicates of her own back yard and of the street behind her home, so that she could fool people into believing she was at home with her children when she was in fact working. She always tried to portray a “perfect mother” image to the media. Photos would show she was at home, when in fact she had her children at work with her.
There is an awful lot of history on this back lot. Favourite TV shows such as “Frasier” and "Cheers" were filmed there; favourite movies such as that of Jerry Lewis were filmed there; epic scenes such as when Moses parted the waters in whatever movie that was, were filmed there. The lot is said to be haunted by the little blonde girl who died shortly after appearing in the movie “Poltergeist” and the back lot also have the evidence of alcohol fuelled actors who romped naked after dark thanks to a dare. And most impressively the studio lies in the shadow of the “Hollywood” sign which watches over it like a proud guardian. The Bear was stoked to sit on the very same bench that Forest Gump did and we were amazed to see where scenes were filmed for The Brady Bunch, Happy Days and so much more.
After we left Paramount Studios we grabbed a spot of lunch and went back to the hotel to repack our suitcases. We were going home with a stack more than we went over with – actually more suitcases than we went over with – and had to make sure that the weights were well within the limits allowed by QANTAS. This was no easy feat however was eventually achieved thanks to the skilful packing of yours truly. They weighed a tonne….but it was a legal tonne.
We got showered and dressed and left the hotel at 3pm. We wondered what we were going to do for a few hours – well actually more than a few hours - until we needed to be at the airport. All of a sudden, we were very small people in a very large city, dressed to the nines, with nowhere to go. We had a shit load of luggage which we couldn’t offload to anyone, anywhere and were completely at a loss. We decided to drive very slowly (and not through any red or YELLOW lights) to see where we might want to have dinner. We took a leisurely drive down to Santa Monica to see if there was anything we felt like. We decided to eat at “Bubba Gumps” which is on the Santa Monica Pier….as we had eaten at one of their restaurants during our first week in L.A and loved it. As we walked up the stairs to the pier we were amazed to see some drizzle starting. We have experienced very little rain during our time in America and it sort of reflected my tears at leaving.
We had a lovely dinner at “Bubba Gumps” and watched the rain come down over the beach and the pier. We watched the mutant sea gulls (they are freaking huge over here) swarm and annoy the occasional lonely beach goer that wandered past.
We finished dinner around 5.30pm. More than 6 hours before our flight. *insert bothered face here* We had several hours before we even needed to check in, and the only thing we really had to do was return the hire car. It was way too early however I suggested that we head to the airport anyway as I was sure there would be something to occupy us there – maybe some stores where we could do some last minute souvenir shopping. The Bear didn’t think this was the case however I couldn’t see how there couldn't be. We filled the hire car up with gas and headed to Hertz for the last time. When we got there it was still raining and it was very dark. As per usual the attendants there were lovely and welcomed us back any time. We hopped on the shuttle bus with our truck load of luggage and made our final journey to the airport. The Bear and I sat up the back of the bus on a bench seat. Our luggage was stored under a shelf in the centre of the bus. I was amusing myself with the fact that every time we turned a corner I would slide to the other end of the seat. On one of these trips around the corner, I watched with amusement as one of our suitcases gently rolled out from under its shelf and sat smack in the middle of the aisle.
The Bear: Is that one of ours?
Me: *raised eyebrow*
The Bear: Hmm. Well that’s no good.
Me: *silence*
The Bear: I had better do something about that.
Three short sentences. Nothing out of the ordinary. But I thought that was the funniest thing I had ever heard. You don't think so? I guess you had to be there. Whilst the Bear went down to save the suitcase, I completely erupted into the largest fit of giggles that I have ever had. Two ladies that sat next to me, frowned as I snorted and had tears running down my face. This wasn’t helped by the Bear, having already saved the suitcase and placed it back under the shelf, having to poke out a finger every time we turned another corner to stop another suitcase from rolling (as he stood in the middle of the bus leaning on the shelf). It was like one of those cartoons where a person sticks his finger in a wall to prevent a water leak…..and ends up having to put all fingers and all toes into those holes. I had completely lost the plot…but didn’t really care. We were going home.
We got to LAX with nearly 6 hours to spare *rolls eyes* but fortunately we were able to check in straight away. This meant we could at least off load our bags. We were served by an extremely gay (and I don’t mean happy) British Airways come Qantas staff member who failed to see the humour in Australians. Once we had checked in we had no choice other than to go through security and immigration. And I mean we had no choice. Some Oprah look alike gestured madly to us and almost forced us up an elevator. We found that the staff at immigration and security had even less of a personality that the staff at check in. We had to go through the nudey xray machine again which was always good for a laugh – not. The Bear had sweat teaming off him, and I started to wonder if he in fact had hid a llama in his suitcase. But no….he was just hot. I went through the nudey machine and was told to stop once I had gone through it. I was told to turn around and lift up my arms. Finally I was going to get my frisk search! I had a lady on one side of me and a man on the other. I told them I had begged for a frisk search the whole way across America but they failed to crack a smile. It’s a good thing I didn’t actually start doing the “hokey pokey” which I had almost been tempted to do. The woman gave me a little pat down (not the hard rough slapping which I had been hoping for) and indicated that I had been stopped as it appeared as though I was storing things under my arms. I suppressed the need to both tell her it was probably my un-shaven armpits and burst into a rousing rendition of "The hairs on her dicky di-do hung down to her knees". Google that if you have never heard of it. Apparently the nudey xray had picked up a gold/silver thread that ran through my blouse and it was highlighted on the image.
Once in the departure lounge it became blatantly obvious to me that the Bear was right. There was nothing to do in the airport. I was surprised by its retro look and lack of shops. There was a book store, a newsagency, a food stand, and that was it. We had 6 hours to wait, and that was it. We decided to set up camp in the overwhelmingly hot waiting area. The chairs were uncomfortable, there was no power points to attach the laptop to, and the heat was suppressing. I managed to waste the first 5 minutes by looking in the newsagency and the second 5 minutes by looking in the book store. Approx 5 hours 40 to go. Shit.
During the next hour we sighted other Australians – the first in the time that we had been here. And I have to tell you…it was AWESOME to hear the familiar accent.....but it was also an eye opener. Apparently an International Airport is where you leave your manners and consideration of others at the door. Australians are loud, crass, crude, pushy, and overwhelmingly obnoxious…..and that is just me! Kidding! Some of these Aussies totally outdid me….and THAT is saying something. In fact…if this was the impression that Aussies gave the world, then I would completely understand if the world thought that we were complete and utter dickheads. However…..given that we already had numb bums with hours to go…and were extremely bored….I figured that if you can’t beat ‘em….join ‘em. Even if it is only on Facebook. I took out my phone and saw that it had 39% battery which was sufficient to waste a little bit of time on Facebook. The Bear got out his laptop. I checked in at the Airport….and commented that we were on our way home. The comments that followed were as follows: (And had me laughing harder than I did in the Hertz bus. Also…it makes absolutely no sense at all given that the Bears phone was suffering lag and was several minutes behind my phone)
Brian C: Never been so pleasantly conflicted in all my life... I want to stay here, we've had such a fantastic time in a wonderful country full of wonderful people. But on the other hand, we are both weary, we've had enough of living out of a suitcase, and we have a fantastic home and family to return to... What to do???
29 November 2012 at 13:20 • Like
Donna C: Third option - run home as quick as possible to the dogs and cater to their every whim! I'll do that regardless but am just putting it out there for you too, being the awesome wife that I am
29 November 2012 at 13:26 via mobile • Like • 1
Brian C : Sorry, I've given the dogs to an animal research laboratory. Schultz is testing new ADHD drugs to slow him down and Ella is providing a new power source on a treadmill... :-)
29 November 2012 at 13:32 • Edited • Like
Donna C: That's the best you could think up?
29 November 2012 at 13:35 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Yes. :-)
29 November 2012 at 13:36 • Like
Alyx S: I don’t think Schultz could get any slower lol
29 November 2012 at 13:38 • Like
Donna C: *sigh* I guess there is only room for one hysterically funny person here. I'll write your lines for you. See below.
"Yes of course that's what I'll do! I've already booked the three of you in for a massage and hair wash and blow dry but if I need to also bring in Australia's top chef to cook you all a 5 course meal, I will. Then once I have stopped farting purple piglets and take the rollers out of my armpits, I'll be making sure the only people eating Duck L'Orange is me and the cats!"
29 November 2012 at 13:48 via mobile • Like • 1
Jenny L: Travel safe!!
29 November 2012 at 13:54 via mobile • Unlike • 1
Donna C: Thankyou! (Can you tell we are bored? LOL!)
29 November 2012 at 13:55 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Quaaaaack....
29 November 2012 at 13:55 • Like
Donna C: I rest my case!
29 November 2012 at 13:56 via mobile • Like
Donna C: PS: got any grapes?
29 November 2012 at 13:56 via mobile • Like
Brian C: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q
The Duck Song
www.youtube.com
29 November 2012 at 13:57 • Like • Remove Preview
Jonathon O: Confirm you two are standing next to each other yet communicating via Facebook? Hmmmmm.... Anyway hope you have less stress than us getting home! Cheers
29 November 2012 at 13:59 via mobile • Like • 1
Alyx S: LOL!! You both need serious help!
29 November 2012 at 14:06 via mobile • Unlike • 1
Gloria S: Too late Donna ....as I told B he's already been infected by the 'crazy gene' and there's no turning back. He's ours, aaaaaaaallll ours. (how does one express an evil cackle on FB?)
29 November 2012 at 14:08 • Like
Brian C: Well, we are sitting next to one another and being silly on Facebook... My gorgeous wife is giggling constantly (Alyx will know what that’s all about...) and her whole body is shaking... :-) Yup, we are on and in the comfy seats, Chuck. We purposefully chose a quiet time of year to avoid the stress... :-)
29 November 2012 at 14:09 • Like
Jenny L : You know how after a few too many clicks in YouTube...and then you end up in the really weird place and wonder what has happened to humanity?? I feel like I kinda wandered there after actually reading your conversation... :-/
29 November 2012 at 14:12 • Unlike • 2
Donna C: Ahhh yes Ma - that's the crazy gene.... not the funny gene! As for the evil cackle... that would be "mwwwahhahaha"!
29 November 2012 at 14:17 via mobile • Like
Donna C: LMAO Jen!!!
29 November 2012 at 14:17 via mobile • Like
Donna C Eames!!
29 November 2012 at 14:18 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: Lots of help!
29 November 2012 at 14:20 via mobile • Like
Alyx S : Also is there any foods you would like in the car upon your return??
29 November 2012 at 14:20 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: In our family, you have to be a little crazy to understand what the rest of us are talking about, especially when one is being funny. You may be the master but B is most certainly well advanced in his apprenticeship.
PS: Except when he reposts that darned Duck Song!!!!
29 November 2012 at 14:21 • Like
Brian C: Spend a few minutes in our house Jenny, and the twilight zone would appear surprisingly normal.... :-)
29 November 2012 at 14:21 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Naaahhhhh Eames - you know I would hate to have my brains unscrambled! A world that made sense would make no sense at all!
29 November 2012 at 14:21 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: A little crazy?
29 November 2012 at 14:22 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: More like bordering on psychosis
29 November 2012 at 14:22 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Yep I know Ma. I regretted it the moment I said it! That being said - I also knew that by saying it, he would no doubt post the link and subsequently have everyone else going to the looney bin with me. A method in my madness! I would be lonely there all by myself seeing all those "quacks".
29 November 2012 at 14:25 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Mental Eames. Mad as a Hatter. Madder than a cut snake. *thinks* Or was that funnier than a cut snake? Funnier than a mad snake? Sadder than a funny snake?
29 November 2012 at 14:27 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Why is everyone picking on the duck song? "Waddle, waddle, waddle..."
29 November 2012 at 14:28 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Anyhoo. Boring. I'm going to visit the little boys room.
29 November 2012 at 14:29 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: lalalalalalalala....with fingers in ears (or maybe that should be with eyes shut).
29 November 2012 at 14:29 • Like
Donna C: *raises one eyebrow*
29 November 2012 at 14:29 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: There is nothing funny about a snake Don.
29 November 2012 at 14:31 via mobile • Like
Donna C: This is true Eames. Maybe it's madder than a dead snake.
29 November 2012 at 14:32 via mobile • Like • 1
Donna C: Nothing quite like sitting in the single most BORING airport in the world (and trust me it is) listening to damned Christmas Carols! I am strongly considering launching myself off the jet way (except I don't know what a jet way is)
29 November 2012 at 14:35 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Foods Eames? Nah ya - I plan on eating the whole way home. Unless that was a typo and was meant to be fools. In that case, sure why not
29 November 2012 at 14:38 via mobile • Like
Donna C: That was meant to be - nah ta. Damned spell check on this rotten phone....
29 November 2012 at 14:40 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: Well would you like some food in there waiting for you?
Not sure what i can do about fools.. Im sure i could find one at least
29 November 2012 at 14:40 • Like
Donna C: No food thanks Eames :-)
29 November 2012 at 14:41 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: Okey Doke
29 November 2012 at 14:41 • Like
Donna C: Oh goody - Christmas carols by Willie Nelson :-S
29 November 2012 at 14:42 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Whatcha up to Eamsikens? Or should this bored Mummeh not be asking?
29 November 2012 at 14:43 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: I’m doing absolutely nothing.. Just about to finish the first season of Criminal Intent (im re-watching it all) lol
29 November 2012 at 14:44 • Like
Gloria S: Gotta love Willie. He probably thinks it's always Christmas as he rarely sems to be feeling any pain or realise what time of year it is.
29 November 2012 at 14:44 • Like
Brian C : Willie Nelson just launched into the most mournful version of Please Come Home For Christmas. I'm considering following Sari Bear off the jetway...
29 November 2012 at 14:44 via mobile • Like • 1
Brian C: Shiiiit. I'm miles behind. Damn phone.
29 November 2012 at 14:45 via mobile • Like • 1
Donna C: Ma - Gotta love Willie??? Really is this the right forum to be sharing that in??
29 November 2012 at 14:47 via mobile • Like • 1
Donna C: I crack myself up!!
29 November 2012 at 14:49 via mobile • Like • 1
Gloria S: My you ARE bored, aren't you? I had been going to say 'leave Willie alone' but given B's previous status, thought I'd better change it. You've got to admit that only Willie (Nelson) can sing Christmas Carols so mournfully.
29 November 2012 at 14:50 • Like
Brian C : Whose?
29 November 2012 at 14:51 via mobile • Like
Donna C: *falls off chair laughing*
29 November 2012 at 14:51 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: Whose what?
29 November 2012 at 14:51 • Like
Donna C: Whose what?
29 November 2012 at 14:52 via mobile • Like
Brian C: What's on second.
29 November 2012 at 14:52 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: No, what's on first.
29 November 2012 at 14:52 • Like
Brian C: This airport has people that clearly mistook it for Walmart.
29 November 2012 at 14:55 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Don't you be baggin' Wal-Mart! That's my new second favourite place to shop!
29 November 2012 at 14:56 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: LOL.......I really should get back to doing something constructive as, given Donna's blog post after first your Walmart foray, my visuals are now going into over-drive!!
29 November 2012 at 14:56 • Like
Brian C : What? This isn't constructive?
29 November 2012 at 14:57 via mobile • Like
Donna C: I am behind in my blogs. I'll have to post them when I get home.
29 November 2012 at 14:58 via mobile • Like
Donna C: You should be worried about my visuals Ma! What with you and your love of willies and all.....
29 November 2012 at 14:59 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: Be kind to your poor old MIL.......I could injure myself badly should my office chair shoot out from under me as I laugh.
29 November 2012 at 14:59 • Like
Gloria S: At my age, Willy Nelson is about as good as it gets. Must be those long, grey braids.
29 November 2012 at 15:01 • Like
Gloria S: AC....if you're reading all of this, I blame it on the heat across this side of town.
29 November 2012 at 15:02 • Like
Brian C: Eames? Where are you? Your poor old mom thinks you're ignoring her...
29 November 2012 at 15:02 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Damn phone is still a good half hour late...
29 November 2012 at 15:03 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Who you callin' old Bou?!
29 November 2012 at 15:03 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Bou? Freakin' spellcheck again. *Boy
29 November 2012 at 15:04 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Cougar!!!
29 November 2012 at 15:06 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: When do you two actually board?
29 November 2012 at 15:09 • Like
Donna C: 2 hours Ma :-S We have been here for 4. My phone will run flat way before that.
29 November 2012 at 15:19 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: Have a safe trip. I think, at this stage, that you are coming home to a heatwave.
29 November 2012 at 15:24 • Like
Gloria S: T'wba 31 today, 32 tomorrow and 33 Saturday.
29 November 2012 at 15:27 • Like
Donna C: Yep! And am looking forward to it! I might actually get in the pool :-) Am turning the phone off now. We don't board for an hour but need to preserve what battery I have left so that I can SMS Alyx once we land (she is picking us up). I'll call you when I get home xxxx
29 November 2012 at 16:12 via mobile • Like
Debbie S: What, you are turning your phone off - now who is going to amuse me?
29 November 2012 at 16:26 • Like
Gloria S: For some reason this whole conversation has disappeared from my FB page. Talk to you when you both recover. xxxxxxx
Needless to say, this filled up some time as the airport filled up itself. We boarded on time and as we taxied out to the run way, the rain became heavier and actually started teeming down. The Bear had taken his seat and passed out straight away, so I watched the lights outside through the tear filled sky and said own my silent goodbyes to the United States of America. I was beyond excitement to be heading home but I promised that I would return back to these shores as soon as possible. After all there was WAY too much country that I had yet to see!
The Bear has asked if we can have a late checkout and we are allowed to stay until 3pm. Well at least that is something.
We decide that we will go to Paramount Studios this morning to take the tour there. The Warner Brothers Tours have been magnificent and we hoped that Paramount would be just as good. Paramount Studios are the movie studios which were once owned by Lucille Ball and Desi Arnez and during that time Lucille all but lived there. The back lot is filled with her touches including duplicates of her own back yard and of the street behind her home, so that she could fool people into believing she was at home with her children when she was in fact working. She always tried to portray a “perfect mother” image to the media. Photos would show she was at home, when in fact she had her children at work with her.
There is an awful lot of history on this back lot. Favourite TV shows such as “Frasier” and "Cheers" were filmed there; favourite movies such as that of Jerry Lewis were filmed there; epic scenes such as when Moses parted the waters in whatever movie that was, were filmed there. The lot is said to be haunted by the little blonde girl who died shortly after appearing in the movie “Poltergeist” and the back lot also have the evidence of alcohol fuelled actors who romped naked after dark thanks to a dare. And most impressively the studio lies in the shadow of the “Hollywood” sign which watches over it like a proud guardian. The Bear was stoked to sit on the very same bench that Forest Gump did and we were amazed to see where scenes were filmed for The Brady Bunch, Happy Days and so much more.
After we left Paramount Studios we grabbed a spot of lunch and went back to the hotel to repack our suitcases. We were going home with a stack more than we went over with – actually more suitcases than we went over with – and had to make sure that the weights were well within the limits allowed by QANTAS. This was no easy feat however was eventually achieved thanks to the skilful packing of yours truly. They weighed a tonne….but it was a legal tonne.
We got showered and dressed and left the hotel at 3pm. We wondered what we were going to do for a few hours – well actually more than a few hours - until we needed to be at the airport. All of a sudden, we were very small people in a very large city, dressed to the nines, with nowhere to go. We had a shit load of luggage which we couldn’t offload to anyone, anywhere and were completely at a loss. We decided to drive very slowly (and not through any red or YELLOW lights) to see where we might want to have dinner. We took a leisurely drive down to Santa Monica to see if there was anything we felt like. We decided to eat at “Bubba Gumps” which is on the Santa Monica Pier….as we had eaten at one of their restaurants during our first week in L.A and loved it. As we walked up the stairs to the pier we were amazed to see some drizzle starting. We have experienced very little rain during our time in America and it sort of reflected my tears at leaving.
We had a lovely dinner at “Bubba Gumps” and watched the rain come down over the beach and the pier. We watched the mutant sea gulls (they are freaking huge over here) swarm and annoy the occasional lonely beach goer that wandered past.
We finished dinner around 5.30pm. More than 6 hours before our flight. *insert bothered face here* We had several hours before we even needed to check in, and the only thing we really had to do was return the hire car. It was way too early however I suggested that we head to the airport anyway as I was sure there would be something to occupy us there – maybe some stores where we could do some last minute souvenir shopping. The Bear didn’t think this was the case however I couldn’t see how there couldn't be. We filled the hire car up with gas and headed to Hertz for the last time. When we got there it was still raining and it was very dark. As per usual the attendants there were lovely and welcomed us back any time. We hopped on the shuttle bus with our truck load of luggage and made our final journey to the airport. The Bear and I sat up the back of the bus on a bench seat. Our luggage was stored under a shelf in the centre of the bus. I was amusing myself with the fact that every time we turned a corner I would slide to the other end of the seat. On one of these trips around the corner, I watched with amusement as one of our suitcases gently rolled out from under its shelf and sat smack in the middle of the aisle.
The Bear: Is that one of ours?
Me: *raised eyebrow*
The Bear: Hmm. Well that’s no good.
Me: *silence*
The Bear: I had better do something about that.
Three short sentences. Nothing out of the ordinary. But I thought that was the funniest thing I had ever heard. You don't think so? I guess you had to be there. Whilst the Bear went down to save the suitcase, I completely erupted into the largest fit of giggles that I have ever had. Two ladies that sat next to me, frowned as I snorted and had tears running down my face. This wasn’t helped by the Bear, having already saved the suitcase and placed it back under the shelf, having to poke out a finger every time we turned another corner to stop another suitcase from rolling (as he stood in the middle of the bus leaning on the shelf). It was like one of those cartoons where a person sticks his finger in a wall to prevent a water leak…..and ends up having to put all fingers and all toes into those holes. I had completely lost the plot…but didn’t really care. We were going home.
We got to LAX with nearly 6 hours to spare *rolls eyes* but fortunately we were able to check in straight away. This meant we could at least off load our bags. We were served by an extremely gay (and I don’t mean happy) British Airways come Qantas staff member who failed to see the humour in Australians. Once we had checked in we had no choice other than to go through security and immigration. And I mean we had no choice. Some Oprah look alike gestured madly to us and almost forced us up an elevator. We found that the staff at immigration and security had even less of a personality that the staff at check in. We had to go through the nudey xray machine again which was always good for a laugh – not. The Bear had sweat teaming off him, and I started to wonder if he in fact had hid a llama in his suitcase. But no….he was just hot. I went through the nudey machine and was told to stop once I had gone through it. I was told to turn around and lift up my arms. Finally I was going to get my frisk search! I had a lady on one side of me and a man on the other. I told them I had begged for a frisk search the whole way across America but they failed to crack a smile. It’s a good thing I didn’t actually start doing the “hokey pokey” which I had almost been tempted to do. The woman gave me a little pat down (not the hard rough slapping which I had been hoping for) and indicated that I had been stopped as it appeared as though I was storing things under my arms. I suppressed the need to both tell her it was probably my un-shaven armpits and burst into a rousing rendition of "The hairs on her dicky di-do hung down to her knees". Google that if you have never heard of it. Apparently the nudey xray had picked up a gold/silver thread that ran through my blouse and it was highlighted on the image.
Once in the departure lounge it became blatantly obvious to me that the Bear was right. There was nothing to do in the airport. I was surprised by its retro look and lack of shops. There was a book store, a newsagency, a food stand, and that was it. We had 6 hours to wait, and that was it. We decided to set up camp in the overwhelmingly hot waiting area. The chairs were uncomfortable, there was no power points to attach the laptop to, and the heat was suppressing. I managed to waste the first 5 minutes by looking in the newsagency and the second 5 minutes by looking in the book store. Approx 5 hours 40 to go. Shit.
During the next hour we sighted other Australians – the first in the time that we had been here. And I have to tell you…it was AWESOME to hear the familiar accent.....but it was also an eye opener. Apparently an International Airport is where you leave your manners and consideration of others at the door. Australians are loud, crass, crude, pushy, and overwhelmingly obnoxious…..and that is just me! Kidding! Some of these Aussies totally outdid me….and THAT is saying something. In fact…if this was the impression that Aussies gave the world, then I would completely understand if the world thought that we were complete and utter dickheads. However…..given that we already had numb bums with hours to go…and were extremely bored….I figured that if you can’t beat ‘em….join ‘em. Even if it is only on Facebook. I took out my phone and saw that it had 39% battery which was sufficient to waste a little bit of time on Facebook. The Bear got out his laptop. I checked in at the Airport….and commented that we were on our way home. The comments that followed were as follows: (And had me laughing harder than I did in the Hertz bus. Also…it makes absolutely no sense at all given that the Bears phone was suffering lag and was several minutes behind my phone)
Brian C: Never been so pleasantly conflicted in all my life... I want to stay here, we've had such a fantastic time in a wonderful country full of wonderful people. But on the other hand, we are both weary, we've had enough of living out of a suitcase, and we have a fantastic home and family to return to... What to do???
29 November 2012 at 13:20 • Like
Donna C: Third option - run home as quick as possible to the dogs and cater to their every whim! I'll do that regardless but am just putting it out there for you too, being the awesome wife that I am
29 November 2012 at 13:26 via mobile • Like • 1
Brian C : Sorry, I've given the dogs to an animal research laboratory. Schultz is testing new ADHD drugs to slow him down and Ella is providing a new power source on a treadmill... :-)
29 November 2012 at 13:32 • Edited • Like
Donna C: That's the best you could think up?
29 November 2012 at 13:35 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Yes. :-)
29 November 2012 at 13:36 • Like
Alyx S: I don’t think Schultz could get any slower lol
29 November 2012 at 13:38 • Like
Donna C: *sigh* I guess there is only room for one hysterically funny person here. I'll write your lines for you. See below.
"Yes of course that's what I'll do! I've already booked the three of you in for a massage and hair wash and blow dry but if I need to also bring in Australia's top chef to cook you all a 5 course meal, I will. Then once I have stopped farting purple piglets and take the rollers out of my armpits, I'll be making sure the only people eating Duck L'Orange is me and the cats!"
29 November 2012 at 13:48 via mobile • Like • 1
Jenny L: Travel safe!!
29 November 2012 at 13:54 via mobile • Unlike • 1
Donna C: Thankyou! (Can you tell we are bored? LOL!)
29 November 2012 at 13:55 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Quaaaaack....
29 November 2012 at 13:55 • Like
Donna C: I rest my case!
29 November 2012 at 13:56 via mobile • Like
Donna C: PS: got any grapes?
29 November 2012 at 13:56 via mobile • Like
Brian C: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q
The Duck Song
www.youtube.com
29 November 2012 at 13:57 • Like • Remove Preview
Jonathon O: Confirm you two are standing next to each other yet communicating via Facebook? Hmmmmm.... Anyway hope you have less stress than us getting home! Cheers
29 November 2012 at 13:59 via mobile • Like • 1
Alyx S: LOL!! You both need serious help!
29 November 2012 at 14:06 via mobile • Unlike • 1
Gloria S: Too late Donna ....as I told B he's already been infected by the 'crazy gene' and there's no turning back. He's ours, aaaaaaaallll ours. (how does one express an evil cackle on FB?)
29 November 2012 at 14:08 • Like
Brian C: Well, we are sitting next to one another and being silly on Facebook... My gorgeous wife is giggling constantly (Alyx will know what that’s all about...) and her whole body is shaking... :-) Yup, we are on and in the comfy seats, Chuck. We purposefully chose a quiet time of year to avoid the stress... :-)
29 November 2012 at 14:09 • Like
Jenny L : You know how after a few too many clicks in YouTube...and then you end up in the really weird place and wonder what has happened to humanity?? I feel like I kinda wandered there after actually reading your conversation... :-/
29 November 2012 at 14:12 • Unlike • 2
Donna C: Ahhh yes Ma - that's the crazy gene.... not the funny gene! As for the evil cackle... that would be "mwwwahhahaha"!
29 November 2012 at 14:17 via mobile • Like
Donna C: LMAO Jen!!!
29 November 2012 at 14:17 via mobile • Like
Donna C
Eames!!29 November 2012 at 14:18 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: Lots of help!
29 November 2012 at 14:20 via mobile • Like
Alyx S : Also is there any foods you would like in the car upon your return??
29 November 2012 at 14:20 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: In our family, you have to be a little crazy to understand what the rest of us are talking about, especially when one is being funny. You may be the master but B is most certainly well advanced in his apprenticeship.
PS: Except when he reposts that darned Duck Song!!!!29 November 2012 at 14:21 • Like
Brian C: Spend a few minutes in our house Jenny, and the twilight zone would appear surprisingly normal.... :-)
29 November 2012 at 14:21 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Naaahhhhh Eames - you know I would hate to have my brains unscrambled! A world that made sense would make no sense at all!
29 November 2012 at 14:21 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: A little crazy?
29 November 2012 at 14:22 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: More like bordering on psychosis
29 November 2012 at 14:22 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Yep I know Ma. I regretted it the moment I said it! That being said - I also knew that by saying it, he would no doubt post the link and subsequently have everyone else going to the looney bin with me. A method in my madness! I would be lonely there all by myself seeing all those "quacks".
29 November 2012 at 14:25 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Mental Eames. Mad as a Hatter. Madder than a cut snake. *thinks* Or was that funnier than a cut snake? Funnier than a mad snake? Sadder than a funny snake?
29 November 2012 at 14:27 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Why is everyone picking on the duck song? "Waddle, waddle, waddle..."
29 November 2012 at 14:28 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Anyhoo. Boring. I'm going to visit the little boys room.
29 November 2012 at 14:29 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: lalalalalalalala....with fingers in ears (or maybe that should be with eyes shut).
29 November 2012 at 14:29 • Like
Donna C: *raises one eyebrow*
29 November 2012 at 14:29 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: There is nothing funny about a snake Don.
29 November 2012 at 14:31 via mobile • Like
Donna C: This is true Eames. Maybe it's madder than a dead snake.
29 November 2012 at 14:32 via mobile • Like • 1
Donna C: Nothing quite like sitting in the single most BORING airport in the world (and trust me it is) listening to damned Christmas Carols! I am strongly considering launching myself off the jet way (except I don't know what a jet way is)
29 November 2012 at 14:35 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Foods Eames? Nah ya - I plan on eating the whole way home. Unless that was a typo and was meant to be fools. In that case, sure why not
29 November 2012 at 14:38 via mobile • Like
Donna C: That was meant to be - nah ta. Damned spell check on this rotten phone....
29 November 2012 at 14:40 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: Well would you like some food in there waiting for you?
Not sure what i can do about fools.. Im sure i could find one at least
29 November 2012 at 14:40 • Like
Donna C: No food thanks Eames :-)
29 November 2012 at 14:41 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: Okey Doke
29 November 2012 at 14:41 • Like
Donna C: Oh goody - Christmas carols by Willie Nelson :-S
29 November 2012 at 14:42 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Whatcha up to Eamsikens? Or should this bored Mummeh not be asking?
29 November 2012 at 14:43 via mobile • Like
Alyx S: I’m doing absolutely nothing.. Just about to finish the first season of Criminal Intent (im re-watching it all) lol
29 November 2012 at 14:44 • Like
Gloria S: Gotta love Willie. He probably thinks it's always Christmas as he rarely sems to be feeling any pain or realise what time of year it is.
29 November 2012 at 14:44 • Like
Brian C : Willie Nelson just launched into the most mournful version of Please Come Home For Christmas. I'm considering following Sari Bear off the jetway...
29 November 2012 at 14:44 via mobile • Like • 1
Brian C: Shiiiit. I'm miles behind. Damn phone.
29 November 2012 at 14:45 via mobile • Like • 1
Donna C: Ma - Gotta love Willie??? Really is this the right forum to be sharing that in??
29 November 2012 at 14:47 via mobile • Like • 1
Donna C: I crack myself up!!
29 November 2012 at 14:49 via mobile • Like • 1
Gloria S: My you ARE bored, aren't you?
I had been going to say 'leave Willie alone' but given B's previous status, thought I'd better change it. You've got to admit that only Willie (Nelson) can sing Christmas Carols so mournfully.29 November 2012 at 14:50 • Like
Brian C : Whose?
29 November 2012 at 14:51 via mobile • Like
Donna C: *falls off chair laughing*
29 November 2012 at 14:51 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: Whose what?
29 November 2012 at 14:51 • Like
Donna C: Whose what?
29 November 2012 at 14:52 via mobile • Like
Brian C: What's on second.
29 November 2012 at 14:52 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: No, what's on first.
29 November 2012 at 14:52 • Like
Brian C: This airport has people that clearly mistook it for Walmart.
29 November 2012 at 14:55 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Don't you be baggin' Wal-Mart! That's my new second favourite place to shop!
29 November 2012 at 14:56 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: LOL.......I really should get back to doing something constructive as, given Donna's blog post after first your Walmart foray, my visuals are now going into over-drive!!
29 November 2012 at 14:56 • Like
Brian C : What? This isn't constructive?
29 November 2012 at 14:57 via mobile • Like
Donna C: I am behind in my blogs. I'll have to post them when I get home.
29 November 2012 at 14:58 via mobile • Like
Donna C: You should be worried about my visuals Ma! What with you and your love of willies and all.....
29 November 2012 at 14:59 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: Be kind to your poor old MIL.......I could injure myself badly should my office chair shoot out from under me as I laugh.
29 November 2012 at 14:59 • Like
Gloria S: At my age, Willy Nelson is about as good as it gets. Must be those long, grey braids.
29 November 2012 at 15:01 • Like
Gloria S: AC....if you're reading all of this, I blame it on the heat across this side of town.
29 November 2012 at 15:02 • Like
Brian C: Eames? Where are you? Your poor old mom thinks you're ignoring her...
29 November 2012 at 15:02 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Damn phone is still a good half hour late...
29 November 2012 at 15:03 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Who you callin' old Bou?!
29 November 2012 at 15:03 via mobile • Like
Donna C: Bou? Freakin' spellcheck again. *Boy
29 November 2012 at 15:04 via mobile • Like
Brian C: Cougar!!!
29 November 2012 at 15:06 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: When do you two actually board?
29 November 2012 at 15:09 • Like
Donna C: 2 hours Ma :-S We have been here for 4. My phone will run flat way before that.
29 November 2012 at 15:19 via mobile • Like
Gloria S: Have a safe trip. I think, at this stage, that you are coming home to a heatwave.
29 November 2012 at 15:24 • Like
Gloria S: T'wba 31 today, 32 tomorrow and 33 Saturday.
29 November 2012 at 15:27 • Like
Donna C: Yep! And am looking forward to it! I might actually get in the pool :-) Am turning the phone off now. We don't board for an hour but need to preserve what battery I have left so that I can SMS Alyx once we land (she is picking us up). I'll call you when I get home xxxx
29 November 2012 at 16:12 via mobile • Like
Debbie S: What, you are turning your phone off - now who is going to amuse me?
29 November 2012 at 16:26 • Like
Gloria S: For some reason this whole conversation has disappeared from my FB page. Talk to you when you both recover. xxxxxxx
Needless to say, this filled up some time as the airport filled up itself. We boarded on time and as we taxied out to the run way, the rain became heavier and actually started teeming down. The Bear had taken his seat and passed out straight away, so I watched the lights outside through the tear filled sky and said own my silent goodbyes to the United States of America. I was beyond excitement to be heading home but I promised that I would return back to these shores as soon as possible. After all there was WAY too much country that I had yet to see!
