Once I was able to tear myself away from my beloved dogs yesterday, we head to Brisbane to catch up with Cow (my sister Kylie) and Mattchoo (my baby brother Matt) for dinner. Mattchoo only arrived back home a few days ago after spending the last 10 years in Adelaide and I had not seen him in a long time. I was THRILLED to see him home safe and sound.
We stayed in our usual haunt, “The Marriott” overnight and were up bright an early this morning so we could have breakfast and get ourselves to the airport. When we stay in hotels the night before we travel, I manage to forget things that I need to stay with me. I pack things I forget I will need before our departure. In this trips case, it was my Olay Regenerist Serum. Bloody hell….what was I going to do? Every time I wash my face, my skin pulls so tight it leaves my molars dangling from my earlobes. The serum, albeit brief, can make the skin on my face turn from a desert to an oasis and given that we would be spending 14 hours on a plane, it was imperative that I find something along those lines. Our suitcases are always left fully packed and locked in the car (we keep an overnight bag out), and there was simply no time to have the car taken out of the car park, and the suitcase brought all the way upstairs. We would also not have time to grab some from a pharmacy on the way to the airport. The Bear and I had to do a quick scramble to see if there was anything else that might work. The plane trip would be ridiculously uncomfortable without it. As I tore everything out of my handbag, and the overnight bag that we had packed the Bear found a bottle of “Moisturising After Shave Balm” that he received in a gift set for Christmas. He offered it to me, and after I asked if there was anything harmful in it (because of my psoriasis) he assured me that this was the mildest of mild, and should actually soothe my skin given its original purpose. Given the lack of time, and the fact that my skin was now so tight I looked like the love child of a lizard and Kermit the Frog, I slathered the lotion on.
The relief was immediate…..and short lived. I think the initial relief was helped by the gentle breeze that brushed against my skin as I leapt out of my shoes and smashed my head against the light fitting. I think I might have screamed something that would have my Mothers toe nails curl, or perhaps that was just me hallucinating after knocking myself out for a period that was simply not long enough. I briefly considered the possibility that I had become a victim of a tea towel wearing suicide bomber, however given that I was on the 22nd floor of the Brisbane Marriot realised this was highly unlikely. I plunged my face straight under the cold water tap to douse the flames, never mind my perfectly coifed hair that I had just spent an hour doing. Here is a hint: Moisturising After Shave Balm, is not a soothing lotion meant for ladies face. In fact, I have no idea how it is even used on men’s skin, although I suspect I have found the reason why there is so many men are sporting beards now days. Looking at the positives, I won’t have to bleach my moustache for an unknown period of time. In fact there is always the possibility that my hair follicles are now permanently scarred and I can say goodbye to my tweezers and hours of plucking.
The relief was immediate…..and short lived. I think the initial relief was helped by the gentle breeze that brushed against my skin as I leapt out of my shoes and smashed my head against the light fitting. I think I might have screamed something that would have my Mothers toe nails curl, or perhaps that was just me hallucinating after knocking myself out for a period that was simply not long enough. I briefly considered the possibility that I had become a victim of a tea towel wearing suicide bomber, however given that I was on the 22nd floor of the Brisbane Marriot realised this was highly unlikely. I plunged my face straight under the cold water tap to douse the flames, never mind my perfectly coifed hair that I had just spent an hour doing. Here is a hint: Moisturising After Shave Balm, is not a soothing lotion meant for ladies face. In fact, I have no idea how it is even used on men’s skin, although I suspect I have found the reason why there is so many men are sporting beards now days. Looking at the positives, I won’t have to bleach my moustache for an unknown period of time. In fact there is always the possibility that my hair follicles are now permanently scarred and I can say goodbye to my tweezers and hours of plucking.
With that at little drama out of the way, we then made our way to the airport. I looked less than elegant with wet hair and my face void of make up. However I was now sporting some bright red blotches on my cheeks and chin, which perfectly enhanced the splashes of red that was on my blouse.
Going through customs etc was unfortunately boring as I didn’t do my usual and request to be frisked. This was possibly due to the fact that I now looked like a leper, Given that we ended up ahead of time (traffic was ok on the way to the airport, checking in was quick, and customs was painless) I figured that my face combusting this morning was our bad luck out of the way, and the flight to Los Angeles would now be without incident. It was more than two hours before we had to board, however we grabbed a coffee and settled back waiting patiently for our flight to open. I finally felt pangs of excitement which had been missing to date, possibly due to the fact that this is my 5th trip to the USA and I guess everything is now familiar.
By the end of two hours, I was becoming slightly impatient. My face was burning, I had a headache, I had a toothache (from what I will never know) and the chairs were uncomfortable. I didn’t want another coffee as I didn’t want to be heading to the loo on the plane every five minutes. Those who have read my blog recording events of previous trips, will remember the absolutely ridiculous issues I have with the impossibly small toilets. When the flight was finally called to board, I was absolutely thrilled. I decided to pop a couple of Phenergan (antihistamine) which I hoped would ease/soothe the burning on my face and also might help me to drop off to sleep. I settled back in my chair and closed my eyes, willing my headache to go away. I know that any time spent sleeping will decrease the flying time which is boring as bat shit.
The flight attendant gave an announcement stating that as soon as the luggage was all placed in the overhead lockers and their doors closed, we would be “ on our way”. The flight attendants had to prepare the door for departure. With that we waited…..and waited…..and waited. The effect of the Phenergan was settling in, and I was comfortable dozing in my chair. I almost missed the whole announcement that the captain was making. I managed to get a few words though: “Ladies and Gentleman” ; “technician” ; “apologise” and “deplane”. Say what?? WTF does “deplane” mean? My eyes scanned the aeroplane before landing on the closest pilot (who also doubles as my husband) and asked what meant? Ermmm …pardon? Did you just say that meant we had to get off the plane? Are you serious??? We had already been at the airport for four and a half hours, and we are being told to hop back off the plane? Holy Mother of God. The Captains voice then came across the P.A system again. Apparently when we instructed to leave the plane, we were to go back into the airport and wait there until we were advised that we could reboard. All going well we should be on our way by 3.30pm. It was currently 11am. So….roughly 4 hours. F**K ME!!!!!!!! *brain explosion* The exclamations from the other passengers, especially those that had connecting flights to another destination, was deafening in the confined space of the plane.
Once I stood up to disembark, I remembered the Phenergan I had taken earlier. No….this staggering, short, leper duck, was not drunk as it may have appeared. I had taken anti-histamine on a relatively empty tummy. We were meant to have lunch served to us once we got in the air. I staggered up the aisle following the Bear and wondered if I just lay my head against his back, whether I would be able to catch a bit of shut eye with my legs just following his. Hmmmm….nope. Instead we opted to go back to the QANTAS club, to get a bite to eat in a more comfortable environment and if I fell asleep it would not be as noticeable there.
The Bear was giving me his opinion on what might be wrong, and what it would take to fix it. He was then telling me how to tie-dye a white rabbit. I looked up and the Bear was staring at me. I had fallen asleep whilst he was talking. He continued saying that some time parts had to be flown from a airport, however given the time frame that this might take, I would throw bananas at the monkey sitting on the top of the control tower. Bloody hell. The Bear was staring at me again. I shook my head and listened as he told me that the part that was required DID have to be flown up from Sydney. He said that the tech crew operating this flight, might extend over the maximum amount of duty time that they are allowed to work and instead might need to paint our toenails. Struth who on earth shoved that Phenergan down my throat? Probably Elmer Fudd who was chasing Sylvester the Cat up and down the runway. I shook my head again and told the Bear that nature was calling. I staggered to the ladies toilets, and sat down to tinkle and found the cubicle to be quiet and dimly lit. I leant my head against the wall…..and fed apple to the aardvark that had crawled in under the door. Thank heavens for a toddler who started screaming in the next stall because I woke with a start and completed the task at hand, before washing my hands and heading back out to the Bear. He had wondered where I was.
This debacle happened for our remaining time on the ground and much to the relief of a poor Bear who was suffering from my daytime sleep walking. We did get away at 3.30pm at which time I actually was wide awake. It was too early to take any more tablets. Had we departed on time, I would have slept until we were over Fiji. I wished that 1 March could be “redone” . Well in effect that actually could happen, because Los Angeles is 18 hours behind Brisbane, therefore allowing me to live through that date again albeit on the other side of the world. Cool!!!
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