2013 Trip - Day 5 - Malibu or bust!

I might be sounding like a broken record here, but another glorious day in L.A! Today we are going to head down to Malibu as we had only driven through it the last time we were here. I wanted to see if I could find the Malibu Beach Houses that feature in the shots on "Two and a Half Men" and I also wanted to see why Charlie feels that Malibu is a bit of a chick magnet. We could have gone a couple of ways to Malibu however had decided to go via the Malibu Canyon. It is a little bit longer as it goes off the freeways and is no doubt steep and/or winding if it goes through a canyon however we have heard that it is worth the drive. Thank God for a GPS though!

Malibu Canyon also seems to be a suburb as well as an actual canyon, at the gateway to the Santa Monica Mountains National Park. The Santa Monica Mountains are big and baron and I found it hard to believe that they would make their way to the Pacific Ocean. That being said, my level of being geographically challenged is such that one would question how I manage to find my way to the bathroom every morning let alone have an opinion on how close a large rock would seem to the sea.

  

 

A the entrance of the Santa Monica Mountains National Park there was a large sign attached to a corner fence - "Rattlesnake Avoidance Training for Dogs". WTF????

 

 

 

Then the Bear reminded me of what my Schultz would do if he ever came across a rattlesnake; a brown snake; a boa constrictor; or even a lolly snake. Yep....avoidance training would definitely be something that I would fork out for. Of course, if there was even the most remote of possibilities that I would a) be living in a place where there would be rattlesnakes; b) be putting my dogs at even the thought of being in harms way; or c) have found that it was cold enough in southern California for hell to have frozen over....I would still move to the opposite ends of the earth to get away from the said snake. I do realise the irony in what I have just stated given that I most certainly DO live at the opposite end of the earth and also DO live somewhere where snakes run rife. Perhaps we should be moving across to the USA to lessen our risk....especially given that there are classes here to train dogs on how to avoid rattlesnakes! Any excuse will do I say!

Despite the terrain being extraordinarily harsh, the drive through the canyon was definitely worth it. Mother Nature does her best work showing the undulation along the San Andreas fault line. What I wasn't prepared for was the view of the Pacific Ocean breaking through the gaps in the mountains. On one hand you have the harsh, rocky terrain that is dry and without greenery. On the other is the brilliant blue of the ocean in contrast. It truly is spectacular.

We turned back onto the Pacific Coast Highway to drive through Malibu and I was amazed to see how many Corvettes, Lamborghinis and Ferraris were being driven.....and more importantly HOW they were being driven. They seem to be as common in Malibu as Commodores are in Australia. Just un-freaking-believable. And may I just point out that all of those vehicles must be a chiropractors heaven given the angle in which you would need to sit in the said vehicle; how you have to be a contortionist to drive the said vehicle; and how you have told hold your tongue right in order to get in and out of the said vehicle. The main reason that I do not drive one of these cars, is because I will damage my back and I would be unable to afford the chiropractors fees after the $200,000 it would set us back. Second to this....it would be the fact that I do not have $200,000.

Given that it is summer we found that we could not just park the car along the side of the road. This place was absolutely chockers with sun bathers and surfers. Every car park along the street was taken up for a good 10 miles. I suggested to the Bear that we grab a bite to eat at a place that would already have the ocean view and that way I could take some photos from there. We figured that it may be a costly exercise however we would only ever do it once and that might be worth it. We found a restaurant named "Dukes" that looked expensive yet was perfectly positioned on the ocean. When we entered the place we found it was too perfectly positioned on the ocean because it actually hung out over it! We could not see the beach or beach houses from there to take photos of. However it was stunningly beautiful and the place looked so nice. It reminded me of a place that you would expect to see in Hawaii....just gorgeous. And as it turned out, it was as cheap as chips! I ordered fish taco's given that I loved the ones that we ate before and the Bear had a burger and fries. It was just awesome! My only issue with the place, was that they don't speak "Australian". How the hell does  "coke" sound like "water"?

 

 

After lunch we went in search of the beach houses, and I do believe we found the ones used in the screen shots on "Two and a Half Men". I took photos of them as best as I could from the road and was happy with our find. We watched for a while whilst a fellow played fetch with his staffy cross - with the dog running into the water to fetch a piece of timber that was thrown to him. There were a number of dogs on the beach and I could have cheerfully stopped and watched them for hours.

We drove back via the same road through the Malibu Canyon and were surprised to see a snow plough chugging along the road. A snow plough? Even in winter L.A is warmer than Toowoomba! I'll be damned if I know why we saw one of those in Los Angeles!

Woot! Only one more sleep until we see the Doobie Brothers at The Greek Theatre. I am SO EXCITED!!!

2013 Trip - Day 4 - Madam Tussauds L.A Style!

Yet another beautiful day in L.A! Today we are heading back into Hollywood to go to Madame Tussauds. We went to the same location in New York last year so are curious as to how this compares.

 

On the way we decided to stop at a Pet Smart store. We had visited one in Arcadia yesterday also after having found they have an amazing store when we visited last year. The Pet Smart stores not only have the very best of everything to spoil your pet with, but they also have a Pet Hotel; a "Doggy Daycare" and a Veterinary Hospital. On top of this they also have a cat adoption agency and have a number of kittens and fully grown cats which are to be adopted out. I tend to make a bee line for the "doggy daycare" and the Bear makes a beeline for the cat adoptions given that these are our preferred four legged friends (yet as we all know canines are loyal, loving and the more personable of the domestic pets where as cats are disloyal, arrogant and require servants). However yesterday I would have been extremely happy to support the Bear in his decision should he have chosen it, to bring home a young Siamese female who was dainty yet full of character. If it wasn't that she would have needed to spend 6 months in quarantine I daresay she would be coming home with us. She was just beautiful. Alyx, when you read this, I have to say I am sorry, but we have left Pet Smart only with a selection of dogs toys; some cat food that we thought Chester might like; and two coffee mugs with "I love my Dachshund" on it. However if we had our way, we would open a Pet Smart franchise in Australia in a heartbeat!

We parked the car in underground valet parking in Hollywood (the only place that there really is to park) and head up to Hollywood Boulevard. The sun was absolutely blistering and I found it hard to imagine the extreme cold back home. I think the heat was accentuated by the fact that there were 6, 000, 000, 000 people on the block at the time, and 5, 000 000, 000 dressed up characters shoving themselves in your face in order for you to request a photo with them, before they would try to hit you up for a handsome tip. In fact if you were taking a photo of something completely irrelevant to them, however they just "accidentally" photo bombed you shot, this is also considered a circumstance where they will hit you up for cash given that they were in your photo without their permission being asked first. We were extremely careful to not take a photo where one of them might appear in the shot.....or in my case.....just be sneaky enough not to get caught photographing them. Not that I had any interest in photographing 2 Captain Jack Sparrows; a Green Lantern, a Superman and Wonder Woman, 3 x Michael Jackson's, 1 Betty Boop; 2 Wookie's just to mention a few....but I DID have an interest in photographing Batman. Now why would I possible want to photo Batman when one of the Captain Jack Sparrows might have been more interesting? Because this one was black! A black batman! Not that there is anything wrong with that! Now if black batman had have tried to hit me up for money given that he will have just been the star subject in one of my photos....I would have told him I was photographing something in the background (and yes, I did make sure that I had something in the background) and I had no idea that he was either in the shot or meant to be Batman....because of course the caped crusader was Caucasian! Ok so there may have been some flaws in my thought process, however I was thinking on my feet and was heat affected!

We went into Madame Tussauds which fortunately was cool and quiet (well for a little while anyway) where we were pleasantly surprised. We loved Madame Tussauds in New York but I think this one was better. There were more statues and some of the ones that were the same as in New York might have just been a little bit better. Well....will the exception of George Clooney. In both New York and L.A he looks like an inbred cousin of the real deal. Also at the L.A location there were props that patrons could use to dress up with when posing with the "Stars". When one is caught up in the fun and festivities upon realising that you are being given free reign to dress up whilst being an adult, one tends to forget about the likes of nits and cooties, or even a poorly placed S.T.D. Never the less, one has fun with it until the scratching starts. We had enormous fun and took lots of photos/bribe shots which are actually allowed to be taken free of charge. There are an awful lot of places that refuse to let you either have a camera, or use a camera because it just might rob them of 10 cents that they feel they could have robbed us of, or because they feel that a tourist might photograph their best kept secrets (for heaven sake, its not like we are about the learn the eleven herbs and spices in Kentucky Fried Chicken!) an make a zillion off them.

 

 

After having a tonne of fun in Madam Tussauds we figured we might have a bite to eat. On the opposite side of the road, we saw a "Baja Fresh" which looked inviting. It seemed to specialise in Fish Tacos. Given that Alyx had set us the challenge of having one of these on our last trip to the USA, and we hadn't found one to have, I figured now was as good a time as any. Also it looked cool and modern which are two qualities that you are not necessarily guaranteed to experience in L.A. We went in and found a table and placed our order. When the Bear came back with the food, he said "wow....who would believe what we are doing?". I know that I have said this countless times over the last year but figured that my reasons in saying this may not be the same as the reason why he exclaimed this today....so I asked him what he meant. He said "having an amazing lunch in L.A, opposite Manns Chinese Theatre (at which time I also noticed that the "star" outside the window was Bette Midler) and with a clown sitting at the next table". I looked over my shoulder and sure enough there was a heavily made up clown sitting eating a fish taco. Well hey....I guess clowns need to eat as well. I need to make mention of the fact that I have a new favourite food - fish tacos. They are severely yummo despite the fact that these ones were laced with jalapeños and had me singing "Burning Ring of Fire".

After lunch we took a walk down the boulevard because I was on a journey to find Glendon, Brad Pitt. Seeing as this was his only request when agreeing to do a shift swap with me this week, it was the least I could do for him!

Tomorrow - Malibu!

2013 Trip - Day 3 - Spooks and Roots!

Thank goodness I caught up on some sleep last night. I woke this morning feeling a lot better than I did yesterday.

We had a bite to eat before heading out for the day. Breakfast was without event however I did have one of my age old questions answered - how does a spook eat when her mouth is covered by a burka thingy? Answer - she actually takes it off briefly. Unfortunately the spook in question seemed to have good reason to wear something that totally covered her face. She resembled "Clinger" from MASH and had a nose that could challenge the Eagle out of the Muppets.

We wanted to head towards Anaheim where the Honda Centre is. This is the home of the "Anaheim Ducks" formerly known as the "Mighty Ducks" which Alyx has followed since a movie was released of the same name.  For those that do not know who the Mighty/Anaheim Ducks are, they are an Ice Hockey Team that compete in the national league.  Whilst we were heading that way Nic had also asked us to swing by "Angel Stadium" which is the home of the LA Angels Baseball Team.  No, Nic has not had a change of heart and has decided that he will follow the much safer sport of baseball. I believe a moto cross track was being made up there for the "X games" whatever the hell they are.

We found the Honda Centre OK so went and made our purchase for Alyx. The ducks store was quite unassuming which was disappointing. Given that I am vertically challenged and walk with a waddle, I felt that I would have a kinship with this team.  Well at least enough of a bond to secure a substantial discount. Not so. A disappointing outcome I feel.  I also felt that the puns that could be used could in fact be enough to hire a full time writer.  You know....to create a "Quack of the Day" or something.  There is such a comedic opportunity here, but instead they make money by charging ridiculous amounts for it's merchandise.  Its a good thing I love my daughter enough to place a second mortgage on the house in order to buy her an ice hockey jersey. If I didn't we certainly would have just pucked (hahaa...get it? *groan* Yeah I know) off with out buying anything.

 

We drove past Angel Stadium where the Bear took some photos for Nicco even though I had absolutely no idea what we were there for. It was jus across the road from the Honda Center so it was not a big deal.

Only a couple of minutes down the road was Disneyland. The happiest place on earth eh? Yeah only if you have a set of young legs to walk the mile up to the fairytale castle and have recently had a lotto win to pay for the parking. Fortunately I have never wanted to visit there unless it was to cure myself of a giant mouse fetish, so we continued with our day.  Perhaps the Bear and I can take our grandchildren if our children bless us with them!   I took some photos of the palms around the perimeter so I could show that I had actually been close, and I could cross that off my to-do list.

We decided to get some lunch on the way to hopping on board the Queen Mary at Long Beach and decided to visit Taco Bell for a spot of Mexican. Taco Bell is cheap, and doesn't taste too bad. We entered and placed our order (to go) and stood back to await the order to be filled. There was a strange looking lady sitting at a table by herself in the restaurant.  She wore the most garish makeup and I found myself wondering if she was in fact a "he".  Definitely the burka we saw this morning would have come in handy.  She was chatting away in a (dare I say it?) almost retarded fashion. I asked the Bear if he thought she was talking to herself?  He said no, and that he felt as though she was talking to someone via Bluetooth. She was very loud and animated. I felt terrible thinking that just by looking at her, that she didn't seem to be the type who might have actually been able to operate a mobile phone. One of the restaurant staff went over to clean the table next to wear she was sitting. The woman stopped chatting to thin air, and started talking to the waitress. She did it so abruptly that I was certain that she did not have anyone on a phone call via blue tooth. The proof was irrefutable when, once the waitress had disappeared, the lady placed her hands flat on the table, splayed her fingers, and asked an invisible soul in the chair across from her whether he/she liked her new nail polish. An absolute fruit loop.

 

We continued on to Long Beach which we found was a beautiful part of the world. It looked much like what I would expect to see if visiting the Florida Keys. We had a bit of a chuckle along the way when following a white van that had sign writing across its rear stating "Quick Rooting - Plumber". There were too many lines for even me to come out with but I found myself wondering how many premature arrivals he might participate in on any given day. We also passed a utility that had "Mr Rooting" (also a plumber) on the side, so I decided that Long Beach was simply a nest for mobile gigolos.

 

 

The Queen Mary was a majestic ship which came to its resting place in 1971. It serves as a floating restaurant, museum and hotel and is said to be one of the most haunted places in the world. It is currently hosting an exhibition of Princess Diana's clothing and was sharing the dock with the Carnival Inspiration which was not far off departing. As we entered the ship I was in urgent need of a loo so asked a staff member for directions. We were advised to go to the second floor and follow directions. So we did. As we stepped onto the second floor my skin started to crawl. There was something about the deserted level that gave me the creeps. I am not sure whether it was the aging timber walls, or the smell, or the fact that there are notes everywhere listing ghost sightings over the years.

 

I found the ladies room which was fortunately light and airy much to my relief. As I entered my cubicle I made the very conscious note (as I do with every bathroom visit over here now) of whether the toilet is automatic flushing or manual (this one was manual), whether the toilet seat is fastened securely to the pan (and yes it was), and whether the pan was close enough to the floor for my feet to reach, because if they don't and if the toilet is an automatic flushing one, I have found I can run into the most ridiculous of situations (please see countless events listed in my first trip to the USA). I felt that I could have a tinkle here and come out of it alive...so I did.  Once this chore had been completed I went out to wash my hands.  I didn't want to leave the bright airy ladies room and go back into the scary foyer outside. I was fairly sure that there was a couple of million ghosts although have no idea what they would do with me.  I finished washing my hands and reached up to retrieve a piece of paper towel to dry them. Initially I couldn't feel where a new piece of towel was - so patted the machine a little as though trying to feel if there was any inside. The machine "started up" and with a grinding noise, spat out a piece of paper.  Needless to say I hadn't expected that I would encounter an automatic hand paper machine (in fact I had no idea that they existed), and I shit pink pigs whilst a sound resembling a strangled cat escaped from me. I ran out the door madly searching for the Bear hoping that he just might have one of the slime guns that Dan Aykroyd used in Ghost Busters. Just when I thought had beat the toilets, the bathrooms decided that I had another think coming!

               

 

The Queen Mary was amazing and I was amazed to see what she did whilst in service and how she technically continues to serve today. Her staff were advised that she was being decommissioned on the day that the Bear was born in 1967 and that she would be making her way to Long Beach. We chose not to attend a talk on the ghosts that haunt the ship. This was of no consequence to the Bear who doesn't believe in them, and of no consequence to me who was still convinced that I had a meeting with beelzebub in the ladies toilets.

A ridiculously odd day all around! Tomorrow we head to Madame Tussauds in Hollywood

2013 Trip - Day 2 - Rodeo Drive Baby!

I managed to get only a couple of hours sleep last night. My body is on Australian time. Obviously this will take a few days to sort out. In any case we were up and away early to make the most of our time here! We stay in Residence Inns when we are traveling. They are the budget part of the Marriott Chain. Their accommodation is reasonably cheap and usually comfortable and the cost of a continental breakfast is included in the tariff. We went down to breakfast and chose to sit beside the pool in the outdoor area. It was already quite warm so this was a beautiful setting for our first full day in LA, especially as we had come over from our own winter. I decided to give the American coffee another try however after one sip and needing to retrieve my eyeballs from the back of my head, I decided that it still was not for me. I am certain that I will not be drinking that pig swill again.

The breakfast area was quite full of patrons. Being Fathers Day in the USA and given that a lot of schools are on their Summer Vacation, the budget chains are no doubt full of families traveling. That did seem to be the case here as hoards of children filled the dining area, and stuck their fingers into every single orifice, and every plate/bowl of food on the buffet. I decided to stick with cereal (for the record....Granola....it is the absolute best!). Children were running in and out of the dining area and the pool area which we found quite annoying but felt that patience was a virtue. They were noisy which is expected given that they are loud-yanks-in-training. As I had only a few hours sleep and was totally out of whack, I felt the beginnings of a headache lurking and the yelling and squealing of these kids was not helping. I decided that I would try to block out the noise and enjoy the beautiful weather before we got on with our day. As there is music piped out into the pool area where we were eating our breakfast, I tried to focus on it as I would normally do given the exact same circumstances back at home. There was some sort of Mexican music playing with a heavily accented female singing. That type of music is the norm over here given the large Hispanic population and there is evidence of that everywhere that you go. I am not particularly fond of this music - well ok, I hate it more than I do bananas - however given the current circumstances I was prepared to listen to it in order to drown out the rest of the noise.

As I tried to focus on the lyrics being sung....I was fairly certain that I heard the woman singing "three blind mice". I raised an eyebrow and shook my head, thinking that I must be hallucinating due to lack of sleep. But there it was again...."three blind mice". I asked the Bear if he could hear what I could, and yes, he could. And there we sat, completely sleep deprived, with children screaming and yanks being their loud selves, listening to a Mexican or Hispanic woman singing "three blind mice" followed by a very shrill "here we go!" before apparently seeing how they ran. *sigh*

We did not wish to waste any time despite wanting to take things fairly easy on our first full day in L.A so we decided to head into Rodeo Drive. We had not gotten out for a walk along there when we where here last year and it was definitely something on my to do list. I mean I would fit in there like a glove on a hand. I definitely would not look like a fish out of water. Much! I wanted to be frowned on like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I wanted to tell some arrogant shop attendant that she had made a big mistake in not serving me! Good grief...I need to lay off the television!

 

As we approached Rodeo Drive we saw that the streets were blocked off. At first glance it looked like a movie was being filmed there as there was several cars parked incorrectly, and a lear jet just parked casually up the street. I thought this was fairly cool and was immediately devising ways to gate crash a movie set. However this was not the case. It was a display celebrating he 50th birthday of the lear jet so for obvious reasons we wanted to have a look. We could only find paid parking underneath one of the buildings around the corner from the Beverly Wilshire Hotel and found ourselves sharing a lift with a man who was obviously filthy rich and wanted to offer us money to take their President. I said that I didn't want money, and that we would be very happy to take him if he took our Prime Minister. He was happy to make that exchange and had we have had a lawyer present, we might have struck up an immediate deal that would benefit all Australians.

 

Walking along Rodeo Drive it was clear that the people were beautifully eccentric. They were just awesome. Big mouths, big wallets, big boobs....and lots of dogs! All of the dogs were clearly very pampered and spoiled so they were right up my alley. I couldn't however figure out why one German Shepherd wore a pair of flying goggles. His "family" looked relatively normal. We literally stumbled across Jay Leno who looked like he had a potential lawsuit ahead of him given his ridiculously dreadful fake tan. I am not a fan however had a level of admiration given  that he wasn't pushing the whole star status and remained remarkably patient whilst other people wanted their photo taken with him. I considered it...but figured he wasn't famous enough for me to piss him off demanding a photo with him or else he would need to wonder forever more whether his toothbrush met with foul play during the day.

 

From there we drove back to Crenshaw to visit my beloved Walmart. By this time however my headache was bad enough not to be enjoying the bargains that ay in front of us. We did buy a dachshund shaped sausage cutter (I didn't even know that there was such a thing! In my opinion, a knife does an ok job!) for $3. I don't eat sausages, but hey! It was a dachshund! We left Walmart with relatively little, with the promise that we would return when I was feeling up to it.

We decided to stop by a supermarket to buy something for dinner as we really didn't have it in us to eat out. We stopped at "Von" which was the same as the "Pavilion" supermarket that we bought our salads from last year. With that we returned to our hotel to eat and catch up on some much needed sleep. We have a huge day planned for tomorrow!

 

 

 

 

2013 Trip - Day 2 (or Day 1 again!) - Seoul to L.A!

On the way over to the USA we always live a day twice.  We lose that day on the way back.

We flew for another 10 or so hours from Seoul to Los Angeles. Most of this was flying over the Pacific having left Korea, and flying just to the right of Vladivostok. This trip went a little quicker as I managed to get some sleep on this leg. When I wasn't sleeping I was watching documentaries in a variety of languages. It was a bit like trying to read a book but ending up only looking at the pictures. I never knew that Koreans could throw themselves so enthusiastically into scaling anchovies! Even though we were now on board the larger 747 the bathrooms were still the side of a bedside drawer and it's floor seemed to have a constant supply of water on it. Well....we hope it was water. :-S

Once we had reached the American coast, we followed the coastline downwards just south of San Francisco and I was stoked to realise that I had recognised many places from the air. The "marine layer" (the layer of cloud/fog that envelopes LA most mornings) had "burned off" (as they call it) by the time we flew in, so that gave us a clear view of the city. We landed close to an hour late into L.A but hell I was thrilled to be there. For some reason we were unable to pull up to a terminal. Instead we parked out on the tarmac and were attached to a little aerobridge which we walked down in order to get on a bus that was parked on the tarmac. It would drive us to the main terminal where we could continue to clear customs and immigration. I felt a little like I was in the movie "Speed" where Sandra and Keanu tear around the tarmac at 50 MPH in order to prevent a bomb going off. The main differences being that I was squashed into the bus with standing room only, with my nose sticking into an old Korean mans ear (fortunately me and all of the Koreans were at a similar height and therefore I was prevented from having the trauma of my nose being squashed into someone's armpit which would have been ridiculously ripe after such a long flight); there was no Keanu Reeves or Sandra Bullock; and to my knowledge, there was no bomb.

It was a pleasure to learn that the guys at immigration had not found their sense of humour since we last visited and were still gruff and overly serious. We managed to clear both immigration and customs in a reasonable length of time and caught the shuttle to Hertz where we collected our Chevy Equinox (which the Bear LOVES) and were on our way. I find it amazing that I had absolutely no concerns about being on the other side of the road, like I did on our first trip. Last year I was completely at ease with it after the first couple of days however worried that I would have to go through that breaking in period again. Apparently not.

We booked into our hotel in Pasadena and I was overwhelmed at how pretty the suburb is. I have absolutely NO idea where I got the impression that it would be the opposite however it is just beautiful. It is maybe a little like Beverly Hills but more "yuppy". Just as we did last time, we had our first meal of the visit at Denny's Diner. It is cheap, the food is plentiful (albeit smothered in cheese that looks as though it has a bad tan); and the service is usually amazing.

I am majorly confused as to what time it is at home, because we have been travelling forever with very little night time and a few different time zones. I think I am going to suffer jet lag worse this time.

We are glad to be back!!

2013 Trip - Day 1 - Brisbane to Seoul!

We are going back to the USA and I am so damned excited. It is only a short trip of two weeks but that will be just awesome. I have unfinished business there and have been dying to go back. We wont be going as stand by on Qantas because all of the flights filled. We have been lucky enough to secure two of the few remaining seats on Korean Airways which means that we will be going via Seoul, but that's ok. Just another country to visit!

We arrive a Alyx's at 5.30 am. She is going to be dropping us off at the airport. As we are heading to the International Airport I ask her if she can give me a quick lesson in Korean. I realise that she doesn't know a great deal however knows a little due to her Tae Kwon Do.  That is 100% more than I do!  I was hoping she just might know something a long with  "I'm going to kick your head in"  in case I needed it in Seoul.  She rattles off a few words which I try to repeat. The last one I liked the best because it was "thank you". Yes I might need that.  "Cum ash humpty doo daa".  Alyx laughs and says that is nothing like what she said and she repeats the words for me....."Cum ash humpty doo daa".  I repeat them again.   She laughs and said again that it was nothing like it.  I complete ignore her because I now think I can speak Korean - "cum ash humpty doo daa". The truth is that it probably says something like "Your Mum wears army boots" but I am trying.  Very trying.

We get to the airport before the sun is up and we make our way to the Korean Airways counter to check in. A pretty Korean lady by the name of Sunny checks us in. She is a cluey lass - she picks up straight away that the four empty suitcases that we are trying to check in are indeed for the purpose of shopping. Whoops I didn't think I was that obvious. I tell her "Walmart rocks!" and she looks at me as though I have two heads. She provides us with our boarding passes. "Cum ash humpty doo daa Sunny!".

We go through security and I decide that it is too early in the morning to request a frisk search. I am miffed however when I am randomly selected from the line of people to go through the nudey x-ray machine. Everyone goes through them in the USA however it is a random selection in Australia.  I mean what the? I looked around at all of the shady people who are probably carrying bazookas in their trousers and bombs in their turbans and I get picked?  In that case, I figured I might as well request the frisk search. This was denied. Drats.

We find a way to pass the time until we boarded the A330 bound for Seoul. The first thing I noticed is that the interior was not dissimilar to that of St Vincent's Hospital. The colour scheme was a perfect match and the flight attendants attire was of the same colour. The second thing I noticed is that every flight attendant looked identical to the next. I wondered if I would have the need to tell them apart, and decided....no.  As we approached our seats one of the identical octuplets was standing in the aisle next to our seats, smiling and saying "Psa. Psa".  Say what???? "Psa". Ok so she is speaking in her native tongue but I haven't a clue what she is saying. I don't think Alyx mentioned that one.  Was it "Welcome" maybe? "Sit the hell down" perhaps?  I replied with my very best Korean "cum ash humpty doo daa".  This didn't appear to have any effect so I felt the need to bow. She smiled at this. Ok...bowing was the way to go.

The flight to Seoul was long however we managed to fill our time with some of the on board flight movies and shows. There are nowhere near what Qantas has, however they made up this with their food and their customer service.  I certainly appreciated that.  I couldn't understand or hear any of the PA announcements because most of them were in Korean. They were repeated in English but were so soft I simply couldn't make out what they were saying. 

The flight was reasonably comfortable with some turbulence but I am ok with that.  We flew over Papua New Guinea which I could see clearly out the window. It's dense rain forests were an extremely lush green and I tried to picture my Grandad negotiating his way through them as he did in the war.  We flew directly over the southern tip of Japan and I could see villages scattered through out. The sky over Japan was quite amazing. Rather than the deep rich blue that you might see on a clear sunny morning in Far North Queensland, it was another type of beautiful blue. Sort of like a pastel that you might expect to see on a painting. Quite hard to describe.

Seoul is an amazing city to view from the air.  It is very flat with the occasional hill. There are many, many spots of high density housing with the buildings jutting up from the flat land like matchsticks. There appears to be several business areas with tall buildings as well, rather than having them all in a central district. In between these spots of buildings and high density housing, there are lush fields of green crops and farming. They are everywhere and the contrast was incredible.  There are bodies of water which look man made although I am sure they are not.  There is the longest bridge that seems to rise out of the water channel and has the most spectacular suspension in the middle of it.  I wished I was allowed to use my camera on descent to photograph it because it truly was an amazing work of art. I found it hard to believe that I was actually landing in I South Korea and it truly blew my mind. My sister landed here only six months ago during a very cold winter. She had described the snow and cold to me and I was able to imagine what it would have looked like.  Well that was until we disembarked and was met with the most incredible heat.

Bloody hell it was hot! The Bear and I raised a very easy sweat whilst trying to negotiate the hoards of Koreans.  We had to find our way to the monorail which would take us across to where we would connect with our flight to LA.  I was torn between being fascinated by everything being in another language, and being scared because everything was in another language.  I was temporarily stoked given the fact that for once I was clearly not the shortest person in a wave of tall people and could actually see where I was going amid the crowd of people.  But damn it was hot!!  The Bear was absolutely dripping with sweat and I silently begged him not to have a heart attack in a country where I couldn't understand a word.  We found our way to the monorail and subsequently through to the area where we would be departing from in a couple of hours.  I looked around for a newsagent where I could buy Alyx something authentically Korean (given her love of Tai Kwon Do) however there appeared to only be duty free stores where I could buy her a Cartier watch. Hmmmm....no.

We made our way to a couple of seats where we could stop and find something cold to drink and use the toilets.  The Bear had contemplated finding somewhere to have a shower however decided against this.  I for one needed the bathroom, as I had been hesitant to use the ones on board unless it was an emergency. The toilets on board did not have enough room for me to turn around in unless I wanted to practice contortionism and place one leg around my neck. With the Bear sitting comfortably I grabbed my brush and went in search of the loo.

Fortunately the pictures used for toilets are universal and I found the bathroom easily.  I was surprised however to find a gentleman walking beside me. I figured that I must have made a wrong turn and was in fact going into the men's toilets.  Not so.  I quickly learned that the toilets were unisex.  All of the cubicles were being used, or so I thought, and I felt a little disorientated whilst searching for an empty one whilst bumping into variety of Koreans both men and women.  They tended to speak to me, or again so I thought, and when I wasn't mumbling "cum ash humpty doo daa"  I was bowing like a chook that has just been given some pellets.  Fortunately it wasn't too long before a cubicle came available.

I didn't take any notice of much as I rushed to sit down on the loo however the minute my cheeks hit the seat I realised that a few things were amiss.  The first being that my tush was being treated to a gentle roasting.  I wondered if the previous person might have had a hot curry to dispose of but quickly learned that the toilet seat was heated. What the?  It was stinking bloody hot and the Koreans felt the need to still warm their bums?  Just weird.  I can see the benefit in winter but in summer?  The second thing I noticed was that there didn't appear to be a flush button. "That's ok"  I thought - it must be one of the automatic flushing loos that we had in the US last year.  However to my right was a panel of buttons.  I strained to see what they were for however didn't have my glasses with me (stupid me.....why didn't I think of having the need to take my spectacles to the loo??)  and what I could make out was in Korean anyway.  There was a picture of a toilet on this panel so I figured I could safely assume that this was where the flush button was kept, along with the button that warms the toilet seat.  I figured the digital numbers that I could see were the current temperature that my bum cheeks were being baked at.  I wondered if I could reduce this temperature just a little so that I could finally concentrate on my tinkle?  I pressed one of the buttons.

 

Well suck me sideways and slap me with a tuna - the fright I got when a jet of water shot up my freckle was unprecedented.  I am fairly sure my head bounced off the ceiling and my scream might have indicated that I was looking directly into the eyes of the devil.  I leapt off the seat I discovered that I had been sitting on an automatically flushing loo so I need not have worried about which button to press.  Good lord!  How the hell was I going to dry my saturated butt?  I guessed that one of the buttons might have been a blow dryer for the bum however I was not pressing anything else in case there was an automatic tampon inserter.  I would dry myself cum ash humpty doo daa!

 

I staggered out of the cubicle looking as though I had met my maker and bowed to every person I bumped into.  I bolted back to where the Bear was sitting and relayed my experience to him in order to warn him about the potential hazard.  I believe he might have laughed in response. I cant be sure as I was too traumatised and was fairly certain I would require a certain level of counselling upon our return home.

 

We went in search of somewhere where I could buy Alyx a token from Korea.  We managed to find a little bookstore which sold some postcards and fridge magnets.  I found one that was a little tae kwon do man however couldn't for the life of me figure out how much it was.  I struggled to remember what unit of currency the South Koreans used, but couldn't for the life of me remember.  According to what I could see, the magnets were 300,000.  300,000 what?  I figured seeing as I already had lived on the edge today, I could cope with the fact that I was making a purchase where I would later receive the surprise of whether it was $5 or $5000.  I also bought a fridge magnet for our collection and as a memento of our stop over in Seoul.

 

 

 

 

With that, we made our way to the gate in order to board the 747 to Los Angeles.  I bowed at every person who spoke in a foreign language to me, and hoped that I wasn't doing anything offensive. The Bear and I settled into our seats not looking forward to the lengthy next stage of our trip.  I was stoked to be heading there however. Bring on L.A! Cum ash humty doo daa Korea!  Or as it turns out.....kam sa hae yo!