2024 - Trip 11 to USA (and a brief stop in Canada) Day 2. 30th September Take 2 !

A few hours into the flight, we crossed the International Dateline and officially took a step back in time.  Unfortunately, it didn't take us back 40 years  (which would have suited me just fine) so had to settle for having a go at re-doing the day before.  I can guarantee that September 30 Take 2, was nothing like Take 1 as it was spent in cramped darkness.  I was tempted to break the "rule" and open the window shades just for a peek, but given that the Flight Attendant did not hesitate to use the "F" word freely, I felt that he would be just as comfortable giving me a public dressing down should I go against his instruction.  It became obvious at one point, that this was a good decision as my assumption was close to correct.  The Bear was on the receiving end of the naughty stick when he had apparently repeatedly leant over the back of my chair (he was seated behind me) and unknowingly pressed against the "call" button (which advises Flight Attendants that a passenger requires assistance). Our loud, cursing, severely obese Flight Attendant, was not backwards in coming forwards when advising the Bear of his repeated error.  He did so in a joking manner although it was clear that he was truly annoyed and was sick of getting off his lazy ass.

I prided myself on limiting my fluid intake during the flight.  I was as dry as a camels bum but the mere thought of needing to use the loo gave me physical pain without leaving my seat.  I accidentally took a few sips of water with the meal service (which I couldn't eat due to my condition) which my post-menopausal bladder eventually wanted to purge. This forced me to begrudgingly drag my feet to the Smurf-sized loo, like a child who had been sent to the headmaster to receive the cane.  That trip ended with me developing a new, retarded calisthenics/yoga routine which had me return to my seat with more bruises and less teeth.  Half an hour later I was experiencing some hearing difficulty, which I put down to being in flight, however discovered that this was because my right boob was still stuck in my ear. 

Unable to sleep due to hunger, thirst and fear of getting changed before the end of the flight, I decided to watch "Purple Rain" - the 80's film made by Prince, given that I an a huge fan, and will be visiting his home, " Paisley Park" when in Minneapolis.  Unfortunately I know the album off by heart and while sitting in the dark plane with a headset on, kept forgetting where I was and embarrassingly burst into song.  Lucky for me, my fellow passengers had become used to the strangled cat noises coming from my throat during my loo visits, so they didn't bat an eyelid.

At around 5pm LA time, the passengers were served breakfast, or in my case, coffee (which tasted like pig swill) which indicated we were nearing our destination.  Finally at approximately 6.30pm on same date as we had left Australia, we landed in Los Angeles. I need not go into the traumatic description of when I changed back into my good clothes whilst still on board as you really don't need further mental images of my aging body contorted at unnatural angles.  Given that our stop over before going on to New York was 14 hours, we had decided to get a motel room near the airport for a shower and a few hours sleep.  We passed through customs with less than the usual pain and angst, and for once had a Border Security Officer that served us with a smile.  Our suitcases came out to the carousel also surprisingly quickly and  I decided that things were looking up. We made our way out into the warm evening looking for where we could jump onboard a hotel shuttle. As I lifted my head to make sure I wasn't about to hit the Bear with my luggage trolley, I ran smack into a wall of cigarette smoke.  Ahhh......that's right, I had forgotten.  The yanks can still smoke in places that we cannot, and this is pretty much everywhere.  I gave up smoking nearly 20 years ago and I absolutely loathe the smell of cigarette smoke now.  And, I absolutely loathe being forced to passively smoke.  Trying to escape the clouds of it was impossible.  The best we could do was hurry to the shuttle pick up point while holding our breath. The Bear noticed our shuttle pull in and hurriedly ran to it, but as he took our luggage off the trolleys to load onto the bus, the driver slammed the door shut and took off.  Cursing loudly using language worse than that of our Flight Attendant, we stood, sweating and passively smoking for another 10 minutes before the next shuttle came along. 

A short drive later we pulled up at our hotel, and welcomed the air-conditioning and the promise of using a bathroom without breaking a hip.  We have stayed at this hotel before and are quite fond of it.  On this occasion however, we were not getting off to a good start.  Firstly, we did not receive an offer of assistance getting our luggage up to our room. Normally, this would be a given as the valets rely on getting tipped.  This time, the Bear struggled with the luggage on an aging trolley through the hotel and up to our room.  I held the door as he lumped each suitcase in (and we don't travel lightly) watching as his shirt was dripping with sweat.  Once this was done, he went and turned the air conditioner on.   The next moment had us sitting on the airport runway, or so we thought. As the air-conditioner came to life it let out an almighty roar.  It was obvious that with the banging and clanging, we would not be able to sleep so the Bear rang down to the desk to advise them.  We were offered the opportunity for a technician to "come up and have a look at it", which was politely declined and a request for a room change was made. This meant that the Bear had to go back down to the desk; had to retrieve a luggage trolley; reload it; and get it to our new room.  Fortunately our new room had an air-conditioner that worked with less than a roar, not that I think we had it in us to move again.

Given that we had only just been provided with breakfast on the place, despite it being evening, there was no requirement to find some dinner.  I was happy to have water, and the Bear chose to finish off a packet of Smarties that he had been eating on the plane. By this time however, despite the comfortable bed, we were clock watching as we needed to head back to the airport at 4.30am to catch the flight to New York.   This meant no sleep.

Given all of the above, 30th September Take 2 totally sucked!!!!  Being given the opportunity to redo a whole day wasn't any great shakes!

2024 - Trip 11 to USA (and a brief stop in Canada) Day 1. 30th September - take 1 !

Finally it's D-Day. Our latest trip to the land of the star spangled banner has arrived.  My fretting for my dogs is already full on, which is not helped by their accusing glares when they spotted  me putting clothes into suitcases.  Once upon a time I would have been completely packed weeks ago however these days I am still throwing clothes in a suitcase when the Bear is pulling the car out. My NJ (feeding) tube has been removed for the trip due to it being impossible to travel with and I am just thrilled to have the sticky gauze off of my face. 

We realise the next few days are going to be quite hideous.  Since the Brisbane to LA flight has moved from morning, to very late at night, we have found that jetlag is worse than previously. Yes, it might sound appealing leaving at night as one might assume it will be easier to sleep through the flight.  While this is true, it also means that when you arrive in LA, it is night time again and therefore you are landing not far from bedtime. We will be flying on to New York however the stop over is approximately 14 hours so have decided to get a room at a hotel not far from LAX.  Once we get through customs and border security, and find the airport shuttle which will take us to the hotel, we will be lucky to get only a few hours of shut-eye given that our flight to New York will be early the following morning. 

We leave home with plenty of time to spare to allow for traffic and roadworks however we need not have worried as it was a fairly easy trip down.  We actually arrived at the International Airport before the flight opened to check in although didn't have too long to wait.  And so began, the first of many times we would be asked, where we are going, how long are we going for, where will we be staying, and what was the purpose of our travel? We cleared security and customs fairly quickly however was slowed down a bit by a feral traveller who had zero problems with line jumping.  It just happened that he decided to line-jump in front of us. This is where I would usually lose my s**t and challenge a line-jumper however given that I was just happy to be there, I let it slide.  Mind you, as he repeatedly stuffed around...over and over again.....I started to get a little hot under the collar.   I managed to keep myself in check however which was a huge pat on the back for me. 

We head up to the Qantas Business Class Lounge which was extremely underwhelming and barely recognisable to 10 or more years ago when we first started some pretty heavy duty travelling. The Qantas Club back then was amazing.  However, as it is now, it still has to be better than spending several hours sitting at the gate or at a noisy café.  This being said, we did have an American lady, sitting behind us, making countless phone calls to friends and family, speaking at top note in what sounded like an exaggerated southern drawl.  I figured we may as well get used to it, because that is what we would be hearing for the next 5 weeks. 

When we knew our flight would be boarding soon, we started the epic journey to the gate furthest away from where we were.   I have no idea why, but the LA flight always departs from the last gate.  I have no idea why as it is not exactly a hive of activity after 10pm.  We started our trek down to gate 86 with me wanting to set up base camp half way down the concourse. My short legs take 6 steps to each 1 step that the Bear takes, so have an insane time trying to keep up.   When we got to the gate, there was the usual pandemonium with people jostling for a place in line as though they were concerned that the plane would leave with out them. 

Finally, at what was waaaay past our usually bedtime, we finally made our way down to the plane.   We were greeted by a flight attendant, with a brilliant smile and a massive girth, forcing me to wonder for the millionth time as to why I was rejected for a position by Ansett Airlines in 1984 for being approximately 7 centimetres too short. All airlines back then had strict protocols. You had to look a certain way (tick); you had to weigh under a certain weight (tick); and you had to be at least 169 cm tall (fail). This bloke was huge however as we would find out, would give exceptional customer service, except for the fact that he used the "F" word on more than one occasion and was less than discreet about it. 

As per usual, once on board, we grabbed our sleeping clothes and head to the loos to change.  Given my usual issues with toilets on airplanes I had a plan to have a drama-free change, so that I could get back to my seat and get comfy for the flight.  One thing that I had not taken into consideration, was that the onboard toilets, had again shrunk in size.  In 2012 when on my first trip to the USA, the toilets were a reasonable size and were elegantly decorated with fresh flowers.  I have seen them shrink over the years and cannot remember the last time I saw fresh flowers however this time I found them too small to even turn around in.  Apparently they reduce the size of the toilets and galleys, so that more seats can be placed on the aircraft. As I tried to unsuccessfully survey my surroundings to set a plan in place, I briefly wondered why they don't put a window in aircraft toilets to at least give the impression of more room?   I mean, seriously, who is going to be looking in at 30,000 feet?  I managed to turn around by doing a ten-point turn whilst being thankful that I had administered my Clexane injection when still at home.  It would have been impossible doing it in this loo.  I longed for the days when my flexibility was an asset because that is what was going to be required to get changed without injury. I sat on the seat of the loo, and managed to work my legs up so that they rested on the door, in order to change into bike pants. Unfortunately that had my elbow knocking the flush button repeatedly so said a silent prayer hoping that no-one was standing outside wondering what the hell I was doing.  My grunts and groans would have given someone a VERY inaccurate account of what was going on in there as it was.  Fortunately for me, it wouldn't take long for the next person to find out what I was doing.   As I adjusted my feet on the door to try to slide my pants on, my right foot accidentally slid the lock across, therefore unlocking the door.  I know from experience that this then shows that the loo is vacant and approximately 10 seconds later an attempt was made by another passenger on the outside, to enter the toilet (which is done by pushing a folding door inwards) which promptly forced my right knee smack into my face.  Given my positioning, the gentleman copped a first class view of what was exposed due to my unladylike pose before retreating, red faced, down the aisle.

When I eventually extracted myself from the poor excuse of a toilet, I stumbled haphazardly back down the aisle wondering what injuries I may have received and already dreading getting back into my good clothes just prior to arriving in LA.  I made myself a promise not too drink too much during the flight therefore limiting my need to use the bathroom.  I also noticed that the Bear had not returned from getting changed himself and wondered how the hell he would go as it would be like putting a giraffe in a matchbox.  I didn't have long to wait until I saw him coming towards me, bathed in sweat and walking with a limp that he hadn't had when we boarded the plane.  He seemed to have also developed a stutter and nervous tic. I asked if he was ok and he managed to stammer his own experience of getting changed in the toilet/closet. On top of this, he looked extremely concerned - which I found out wasn't due to his newly broken arm and leg, but due to the fact that he was now missing a testicle. 

Somewhere between midnight and 1am we were served dinner, and were advised not to open the window shades until our arrival in Los Angeles at approximately 6.30pm on the same day which we left.   This is apparently so that your body gets used to the time difference however I have not got the faintest idea how that works given the night arrival in LA.  We apparently land approximately an hour and a half after being served breakfast so I am at a loss how this is meant to help the body adjust to the new time zones.  In fact, it will be bed time just after we land.  Given that my feeding tube is out, I spent the night hungry as there was nothing on the menu that I could even attempt to get down.  However I knew this would happen and will try to purchase some protein shakes in the USA and will slowly sip them through the day to keep myself alive.     

The Bear seemed to have recovered from his trauma in the onboard lavatories although apparently still hasn't found his missing testicle.   Fortunately we still have another 13 hours onboard for him to find it, as we head towards the International Date Line and live 30th September all over again!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

2024 - Trip #11 to USA and a brief stay in Canada! T minus 3 sleeps!

So here we are once again, about to embark on a holiday to the country where I have ongoing arguments with automatic toilets.  A country where the political climate is currently having it looking like one major nut-house. A country where Twatwaffle Trump and his disciples have the Woogaroo Lunatic Asylum looking like a Teddy Bears Picnic. A country where it's insanity can only be possibly be outdone by one single thing - my love for Walmart!!! Of course we are talking about the United States of America!

I have made myself a promise to post on this blog every single day, just as I did on my first visit to the USA in 2012. No exceptions! Challenge accepted!  

This trip will be a little bit different to previous ones as we will be starting in New York and working our way back to LA.  We have actually gone directly to New York once before which proved interesting to say the least.  I suffered jet lag more than I do when flying to LA which led to some fairly questionable moments. For example - we had decided to see a show on Broadway (you know.....when in Rome) early in our visit.   We purchased front row seats to The Motown Show which was based on the life and music of Berry Gordy who was the founder of the Motown record label. I seriously LOVE that genre and was very excited to be going to the show which was being played on the very famous "Broadway".  By the way, yes, the neon lights ARE bright on Broadway (thank you George Benson).  Anyway, the Bear and I took our seats in the very front row where we were close enough to be passed off as cast members.  The lights dimmed and the elegant curtains parted and so began The Motown Show on Broadway.... in the Big Apple.  A concrete jungle where dreams are made of (thank you Alicia Keys) and a bucket list destination for endless numbers of people.   The Bear claims that once the show started, we were receiving funny looks from some of the cast members although didn't know why.  That was until a delicate noise came from my direction. A snore. I wasn't sitting there watching The Motown Show.  I was visiting The Blanket Show (thank you Dad) ..... in other words, I was fast asleep! What's more, I slept through the entire performance!  If the cast members were offended by my trip to slumberland, they needed not to worry.  It wasn't personal. Sleeping in public at main events after suffering from jetlag became notorious.  A few trips later, when taking my daughter, Alyx, to The Honda Stadium in Anaheim to see her beloved Anaheim Ducks (ice hockey) play against a Canadian team, I again drifted off into the land of nod...which was amazing given that 1: The arena was brightly lit unlike the dark in the Broadway theatre, and 2:  The noise at an ice hockey game seriously could wake the dead. 

Anyway, that's enough pre-trip waffle.  Please look forward to my trials and tribulations of USA Trip 11!

2023 - Trip #10 - Brisbane to LAX

 It's been 4 years since we last ventured out of the country.  Trip number 10 was supposed to occur in April 2020......when I was supposed to see Pearl Jam at The Staple Centre in Los Angeles.  Thanks to Covid, this was cancelled 3 weeks prior to departure and I am almost positive that my shrieks and wailing could be heard as far away as Hades.  We have seen many big acts both in Australia and the USA, however my beloved Pearl Jam has always been snatched from my clutches.  Not this time!  The kindness of a lady in Florida has pretty much guaranteed that I will see them.  I say "pretty much" because they have had to cancel a few concerts due to illness (talk about dejavu!) however they seem to be back on track now; We will need to fly from LAX to Dallas Fort Worth,  pick up a rental car, will pick up my friend from Florida who is staying with her sister, and drive the hour or so to get to "Dickies Arena". Due to Texas being to the East of LA, I will enter another time zone and will need to attend the concert in the clothes that I wear on the plane.  The big surprise will be how I react when the guys come on stage.  My guess is cry, or scream, or faint. There is a fairly last possibility of me peeing my pants.  I may even attempt to "body surf" across the heads of other concert goers to get closer to the stage  however there would be a large possibility of Greenpeace arriving to drag me out to deeper water. That would be interesting given that Dallas Forthworth is landlocked... but stranger things have happened.  Keep an eye out for a NEWS Headline "Aging Australian Tubby Dwarf Sets New World Record in Stupidity".   Ahhhh it will be interesting as I will have the added bonus of being sleep deprived thanks to jet-lag. If I can fall asleep whilst sitting in the FRONT ROW during a show we saw (ok...I didn't see much) on Broadway in New York a few years ago, AND, allegedly fell asleep during an Ice Hockey match when taking Alyx to see her beloved Anaheim Ducks....then I guess I can fall asleep, or, do something stupid with being jet-lagged at a Pearl Jam concert.  I highly doubt this though!

Apart from the concert, we will be doing a few things that we have not done before or go to places that we have not been to before.  I do wish to somehow visit all 50 states in the USA.  Of course it's a given that I will be heading to my favourite places in the world, such as Walmart, Pet Smart, The Hobby Lobby, In and Out Burger, Bubba Gump.....just to name a few.  And then in a fortnight we shall find ourselves boarding a ship in San Francisco and will sail to Auckland via Hawaii, Tahiti, and American Samoa.  20 days of excellent food, some interesting (I use the term loosely) entertainment, a cocktail or two, and sailing half way around the world.  Mind you, whilst I have cruised several times, we have always been near land.  The idea of sailing where there is no land in sight has me a little apprehensive given that I had to watch "Titanic" 5,697 times (thank you Alyx - not) as she was growing up.  I figure there is the bonus of being nowhere near icebergs however if something were to happen, I do know that a shark would pick me as a decent sized meal before a lot of people.  Of course, there is always the chance that a pod of whales might welcome me.

It is currently 3.19am in the morning here.  This time tomorrow, we will be approaching the half way mark and will arrive in LA in the evening.  We will stay at a hotel near the airport, before going back there in the morning to head for Dallas Fort Worth.  I am sure I will have plenty to add when we are waiting at the airport, because as everyone knows......I am never short of things to say!

The Bears take on USA - Take 9 - 2019

On a cold, wet winters day in Toowoomba I find my mind wandering to where I will be in 24 hours.  Well I will nearly be there.  Yes!  The Bears are heading back to the USA for a 9th time.  Now I know that I have promised to complete my blog in full the last couple of times and have failed miserably.  This time it's a pinkie promise!  Given that we will not be on the road all day, time should allow me to do this.


So.…. around 12 hours from now we should be off the ground.  Although whilst it is guaranteed that the Bear will be on board...there is a rather large chance I will still be back at the place that my dogs will call home *sniff* for the next 3 weeks.  Why would I want to leave them on a cold, rainy winters day???  *sob*

*Thinks*


Ohhh that's right.  When I disembark at the other in...… I WILL BE BACK IN SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!

2018 - USA Trip 7 - T Minus 8 sleeps!

So folks, after not going anywhere last year, we have decided to hit the road (ok......hit the air) again and head back to the USA.   Trip number 7.  One would think that we only thought that there was one other country to visit, but of course that would be stupid to think.  It's the damned airline that thinks that there is only one vacation location!!

This time, there will be a difference however.  A woeful tale of hardship  where I expect to receive the maximum amount of sympathy and understanding by all and sundry.  This time.........we are.......(I can barely say the words).......not travelling business class.   We are flying Premium Economy.   The nightmare of all nightmares.  Thank God its not normal economy as I would be requesting to sit on the wing or cargo hold.   I will  have to take a decent cup full of cement and hard the hell up!  It will be almost hell on earth however, please do not worry dear friends.  I will find some way to cope in order to be able to report back of our goings on to each and every one of the 4 or 5 people that follow my blog.

I will attempt to actually finish this trips entries.  For those that don't remember, the last couple were not completed due to near fatal injuries received by the Bear and myself thanks to crazy octogenarians with their kamikaze Zimmer frames, wheel chairs and walking sticks.   It's a complete miracle we are still alive.

So hang five people and count the days down with me, until the Bear and I step out of the country for yet another time.  Lord knows what can happen, WILL happen.  I promise you all you will be the first to know about it!

2016 Trip - Days 10 to 19 - We lost the laptop!!

So….this bright pair left the laptop behind in one of their stops.  I have been able to retrieve it in Houston but it means my blog is a week or more behind.  I could try to catch it up, or I could just write my notes to cover that time.   My notes may not make a great deal of sense....but make of them what you will.  I will pick up the blog on a daily basis there after!

 

Thursday 10 March

• Seattle, Washington ----à  Vancouver, British Columbia
• Gorgeous fir trees up to the border
• Border crossing stunning.  Green, clean and picturesque
• Just over the border = WTF??????  I thought Canada was meant to be pretty?  They sucked us in at the border.
• GPS stopped working at the border.  Why am I surprised?
• Vancouver.  Bloody hell.  *facepalm*
• Drivers are RUDE!
• What is the crime rate here?  If it can be judged by the gum on the footpath, we may not get out alive.
• F**k me.  Our hotel = the Alamo. (There is about a zillion Mexicans staying here)
• The said Mexicans totally have over run the hotel and had there kids running through-out the halls at night.  Screaming.
• I screamed back.
• Stop damned raining already!
• Crikies who said Vancouver was nice?
• What the hell are those lights flashing for?
• Petrol price same as at home.  Take me back to the USA!
• Ok…what is Poutine?
• Right….I seriously love Poutine. Canada has one positive.

 

Friday 11 March

• Vancouver ----à  Whistler
• Nancy Reagans funeral today
• Shops sell medicinal pot in Vancouver.  Why am I not surprised?
• How many street signs do Canadians need on any one road?
• I need comfort food.  I need Poutine.
• North of Vancouver.  Better looking landscape…not that it would be hard.
• More signs.  Good lord.  How can these be read AND have your eyes stay on the road?
• This explains why the people cannot drive here
• Is there really any point to having a speed limit?
• Cold.  Frigging cold.
• Whistler quite pretty.  Not what I expected…but pretty.
• What is catskiing?  Or do I not want to know?
• Snow…..again.
• Had Poutine.
• Traffic congested trying to get back.  Why?  They have 4 lanes merging into 2 at peak hour…..in the rain…..on a Friday.
• Hail storm Canadian style.  The smallest hail I have ever seen.  Clouds didn’t indicate hail.  Just weird.

 

Saturday 12 March.

• B and I sat on the bed…and the bed tipped us off.  What does this say?  Vancouver sucks….and need more Poutine!
• Do not walk into a unisex toilet unless you want all and sundry looking at you as though you are a trannie.
• Am I a trannie?
• Canadian Museum of Flight.  Sad.  They don’t look after the planes.
• What is the “Roots Outlet” or don’t I wanna know?
• I need more Poutine.
• Will we ever see the sun again?
• Will we ever be warm again.   Bring on Jamaica.
• In fact….bring on the USA border.
• Did I mention I hate Vancouver?

 

Sunday 13 March

• Vancouver ----à  Seattle
• Daylight Savings began
• So why make a toilet that has the toilet paper dispenser jutting out over the loo?
• *sat sideways on a loo that has the toilet paper dispenser jutting out*
• Had the automatic toilet flush, whilst moving to get paper from the toilet paper dispenser that was jutting out over the loo (and therefore prevented me from sitting straight on the toilet!)
• Needed to get the toilet to flush again after it automatically flushed prematurely.  See above.
• Failed in getting the automatic toilets to flush again to flush the paper.
• Intersections have lights going one way and stop signs facing the other.  Seriously….should I really be surprised?
• The USA border.  THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!
• I don’t think they sell Poutine in the USA.  That sucks.

 

Monday 14 March

• Seattle ----à  Houston. 
• Two people in the seats behind us on the plane having the strangest conversation before we departed much to my horror.  It turns out they were both on their phones whilst still on the tarmac.  Example:

Her:  Hey!  How are you?

Him:  Well that’s f**ked in the head!

Her:  Oh I will be back soon! I promise.

Him:  Not unless her boyfriend is doing her Mother.

Her:  I love you forever.

Him:  F**k no!

 

• Houston.  HUGE airport with the tiniest shuttle trains.
• Finally it is hot.  Stripping off layers of clothes in the airport
• 2 people + 6 suitcases + camera bag + laptop bag + handbag + tiniest train carriage = multiple bruises and potential broken limbs
• Hotel is round.  I have lapped it 100 times without realising just looking for a drink machine. Doh!
• Left laptop behind.

 Tuesday 15 March

• Houston ---à  Dallas
• Oh my God…..its worse than Vancouver.  Ugly!!
• These people LOVE their cows/bulls/anything with a horn
• Cow print lounges; cows heads; longhorns; pictures of cows/bulls etc.  No other theme in this town
• Found another theme.  The JFK assassination.  I am surprised they haven’t painted bulls horns on him in all of the paraphernalia.
• So the hotel room doorway next to ours has multiple lots of toilet paper hanging from the doorway.  What the hell?
• This hotel room is making me itch
• Lots of “southern” black people.  They are different from the African/American ones.   
• JFK memorial.  Cross on the road where he was shot.  The site is WAY smaller than I would have expected. Extreme sadness here. Seriously…..

 

Wednesday 16 March

 

• Dallas --à  Austin
• Nicer place than Dallas
• Massive road works in Texas. Incredible overpasses etc. Impressive.
• I hope there is no earthquake whilst we are stuck under one of the said overpasses.
• Cops wear cowboy hats.  Seriously.
• Hotel = lovely except the loo has a glass door.  You have GOT to be joking.
• Opposite the glass door in the loo, is a floor length mirror.  Bloody hell.  Perverts.
• Longhorn Steakhouse for dinner.  More horns.   And no….I couldn’t cut my steak with a spoon as advertised.
• Signs advertising attorneys are EVERYWHERE (probably because this state has the death penalty).  All signs have ABOGADOS on them also, which is Spanish for Attorney.  Use your imagination.  This is quite appropriate.
• Bail bond offices are on every corner.  Cool!

 

Thursday 17 March

• Austin -à San Antonio
• Went through Waco on the way. It is lovely.  NOTHING like I expected.
• Hotel = nice but the walls in each lift look like they are made out of a mans scrotum.  I will not describe this.
• I seriously don’t want to go in the lifts.
• Went in the lift.  Stared at my feet.
• Went in the lift again.  Stared at the ceiling.
• Went in the lift again.  Needed to touch the wall to see if there is any texture to it.  It does.
• I definitely don’t want to go in the lift again.
• River Walk is lovely.  It would be nicer on a completely fine day though.  Mind you it’s not raining at present.  Win!
• The Texans have made the River Walk water green for St Patricks Day.  It looks disgusting.
• A pterodactyl shit on my hand. My God!
• A passing lady saw the green crap on my hand and offered me a lens cleaning wipe as there is nowhere yet to wash my hands.  I am forever in her debt.  
• We are two Australians, in the USA, eating Italian food for lunch, whilst listening to a Mexican Mariachi Band on St Patricks Day.  We have our multicultural shoes on.
• Visited the Alamo.  Sobering.
• Religious nuts have set up outside the Alamo, holding signs that say that “God is angry with us” and a whole lot of other gibberish.  Righto.
• Taco Bell.  Cheap and NASTY!
• People….stop your kids from SCREAMING!

Friday 18 March

• San Antonio -à  Houston
• We are SICK of driving.
• Lost my glasses as well as the laptop. Good work Donna!
• Get laptop back.
• Ok….what is “Chicken Fried Steak”?
• Found out “Chicken Fried Steak” is simply ground beef that is fried like chicken.  So really…..it has nothing to do with chicken.
• Went to China Grove (as in the place that the Doobie Bros sing about) which was a bucket list thing of mine.  It turns out…that I should have stayed with the image that I had always had in my head.  There are no words.
• This city is HUGE

 

Saturday 19 March

 

• Houston we have a problem.  It has turned freezing and its raining again.  Bloody hell! 
• NASA.  Pretty much the same as Cape Canaveral really.   The 747 with the shuttle on top was pretty cool though.
• Applebees for lunch.  FINALLY an excellent steak.
• Went to a store called the “Hobby Lobby”.  Huge mistake.  Wanted to buy the whole store.  Asked the checkout chick whether they have a website?  Yes they do.  Let’s hope they post to Australia.
• 11.30pm tonight marked the official start to the American Spring. How does that work??
• Board cruise tomorrow.  Thank heavens.  No more driving.