2014 - Day 2 - Third USA Trip -- Being knocked over the head with a poo bat!

I am thrilled to be back in LA!  I am surprised I got here in one piece following my gymnastics during yesterday’s flight.  I got into some severe problems with my bladder however I made it through.  Once we landed and jumped through all of the hoops that is required at the border, we picked up our hire car and were on our way.  We had a reasonably quiet afternoon given that we were completely exhausted following the flight.  In fact, poor Nic’s eyes looked like two p!ss holes in the snow. He was struggling.

There was one thing though that we did have to do before anything else – hit Wal-Mart! I needed to purchase a kettle/jug as the American one that we had bought and used on previous trips had shat itself.   Hotels in the USA do not supply kettles for coffee making – instead they have things like a percolator which is all very well and good if you like drinking paint stripper.  When we travel we take our own coffee which is why we need the kettle.  Also, my constant companion is a hot water bottle (excellent for pain relief!) and I therefore need a hot water bottle for that.

We found a Wal-Mart within 10 minutes of where we will be staying so headed in that direction. If only I had the courage to photograph some of patrons that I saw. You know those emails that go out with stacks of photos of the weird ass fashion that Wal-Mart shoppers wear?  Yep….they are honky dory real.   I tried to photograph some fellow customers discreetly on a previous visit to the USA an ended up with a collection of photos that included a nostril, an earlobe, a couple of fingers and an elbow, a butt cheek (my own…don’t ask), several of the ceiling and the floor, and a partridge in a pear tree.   I could be my usual brazen self and whip the camera out, out in the open, however I have been sadly mistaken before when photographing what I thought was a person deliberately dressing up for fun…..when in fact they were just in their normal day clothes.  Errr whoops!

Nic was gobsmacked at the prices of items in Wal-Mart.  This included 4 litre bottles of Vodka for $8.99 and absolutely ginormous pizzas for $7.99.  He is depressed that he can legally carry 2 litres back into Australia.  I will no doubt visit several Wal-Mart locations before I head back home in 6 weeks.  I totally love Wal-Mart.  I have placed a bet on myself that we will purchase another suitcase to take things back in.  I am fairly sure that we are a sure thing.  Sure we are.  Sure to be sure.  Sure.

Our hotel is not far from Disneyland.  Usually we would spend our time in L.A staying at Pasadena which is just beautiful.  This time we are at Anaheim as it was just the cheapest place to stay this time.  The hotel is quite nice and comfortable and is very familiar given that we stay in the same chain of hotels whenever we travel. Unfortunately the toilet overflowed tonight which required a call to the front desk begging for assistance.  I will point out that we didn’t cause the toilet to overflow thank goodness, because if it was the result of anything I put down there, it is possible that the floor would have disintegrated.  I guess fortunately there is an abundance of HAZMAT teams in the USA at the moment.

We took Nic for a drive to Corona (the LA suburb….not the beer) some place that made parts for motorbikes or had something to do with a professional riding team.  I didn’t quite understand what we were taking him to but he apparently met one of his hero’s and he was over the moon.    I tried to reflect the excitement that he was expressing however was overcome by a god awful smell.  When we opened the car doors at Corona, a thick, sewerage smell totally enveloped the car.  I immediately wanted to blame Nic for it; however it was too bad even for him!  When we left Nic for a while so that he could walk through the factory that we had taken him to, we drove to a local drugstore just for a look.  (CVS is more than a drug store…it’s a one stop shop with the most amazing items at Thanksgiving and Christmas time!)  We hopped out of the car there, and were again knocked over the head with a poo bat.    Dead set, I looked around and people were carrying on with their day as though they couldn’t smell “Eau de Diarrhoea-mixed-with-rotten-rat-guts-and-bat-shit”.  Nic said that he had passed comment about the smell at the place he was visiting, and he was met with almost an offended look.  They had no idea what he was talking about.  I have no idea what is wrong with the people of Corona, but if I ever here the word “Corona” from now on, I will automatically imagine a large pile of hot, steaming, dog poo.

We also took Nic to Angel Stadium.  He couldn’t give a damn about baseball, but he does give a damn about the motocross events that are held there in baseballs off season.  Not a stones throw from Angel Stadium is the Honda Centre, home of Alyx’s beloved Anaheim Ducks.  We went to a ice hockey game there with her when we were in LA during our last visit.  Alyx is a little beyond obsessed with this team and I felt a little guilty being there without her.  Nic could have used the opportunity to totally piss his sister off however to his credit he refused to.  He wouldn’t even pose for a photo there.  To soften the blow, we went in and purchased the items as listed on Alyxs want-list which we added to some other items that we purchased earlier in the day.  This allowed us to place a big tick on our to-do list.

 

We had dinner at a place called Clancy’s Bar and Grill which is not far from the hotel. It looked nice enough and the menu appeared to be ok. We should have run when we were greeted by a short, dumpy, greying woman (not that there is anything wrong with that.  I could have been looking into a mirror) who was missing more than a couple of teeth.  She showed us to a table where we were quickly served by the loudest American that I have ever heard.  She looked as though she had just stepped out of a “Debbie does Dallas” movie and with one look at us, immediately thought we were there for a night of gluttony and grog swilling.  She looked more than a little surprised when I requested a glass of water, and the Bear and Nic ordered a coke.   She looked even further surprised when I ordered an appetiser (the same as an entrée in Australia) for my main meal, and when Nic and the Bear ordered something relatively small meals.  I wanted to point out that just because the Bear is a tall bloke, and just because I am the size of a house including the backyard barn, didn’t mean that we had to eat three quarters of the menu.   When we got our meals, that were certainly nothing to write about, and we decided that we would not be eating at Clancy’s ever again.  

Back at the hotel we settled in for the night and I was happy as a pig in mud given that there were several episodes of “The first 48” on the A & E channel.  Unfortunately the Bears night was disturbed with a certain short duck (not mentioning any names) who decided to go for a sleep walk again.  This has been happening on a regular occasion where I apparently get up and do some pretty weird shit and the Bear says he has a time and a half tying to shepherd me back to bed.  He can hold a conversation of sorts with me even though I apparently don’t make a great deal of sense. 

Hmmmm……doing weird shit whilst talking nonsense?  I am not sleep walking.  That is just me!

2014 - Day 1 - Third USA Trip - Oh no....not the toilets again! (Please do not read if offended by slightly vulgar tones)

Today is the day!  Back to the USA!  I am terribly excited…and apprehensive.  I won’t lie and say that international events such as terrorism and Ebola have not been on my mind, but that is not my biggest worry.  It’s Nic.    We are going to be spending a week in LA with him to show him the ropes, after which he will set off on is own tour of the West Coast, whilst we head to Vegas for a few days before our cruise. Once on the cruise, there will be a communication black out for obvious reasons.  Not only will we be without signal for days at a time, our American SIM cards will not work in Central and South America so will not even be able to do Facebook messages via my phone.  We are told that the internet on board is ridiculously expensive although I am sure that no price can be placed on peace of mind.  With Nic' s ability to find himself in the most awkward of situations, and due to the fact that he can be a complete knob head, I dread to think what mischief he can get up to in the USA when I am out of reach.  I mean….what if he is arrested for taking a leak in the Grand Canyon?!!
 

Alyx kindly takes us out to the airport and I feel guilty that we are going and she is not.  Of course we met her in LA earlier this year, but I still feel guilty.  :-(  Nic is clearly very nervous and is still wondering what he will do should he be sat next to a person wearing a turban or burka. 
 

Our day doesn’t start particularly well.  We headed towards the counter where we were to check in and took our place in a very lengthy line.  It was ridiculously hot and uncomfortable but we waited patiently, moving along the lengthy line as it progressed slowly.  I may or may not have allowed a couple of “baa’s” and “moo’s”  to escape from my lips all the while Nic continued with his random yet interesting questions.  Finally we get to the top of the line, and with sweat absolutely pouring off of us (ok Ma….perspiration) and we eagerly looked to see which staff member would call us through.  All of a sudden, a man appears from the left and asks us and several people behind us, to move to another counter which was opening up.  Confused, we followed him and were forced to line up again waiting for a lady to open her work station.  In the meantime, the line which we had just been moved from, continued to flow, and people that were several behind us in that line, were then promoted to the top of the queue. They were served whilst we watched with frustration from our new line which had failed to progress.  We have no idea what the staff member was thinking in taking people from the head of the check-in queue (where we had waited for a significant amount of time) and moving us to another line where we had to wait for staff to open their work stations.  Ridiculous.

Once we were checked in, and through customs (where Nic was tested for drugs...which he thought was very cool!)…..we went to look for a bite to eat and a coffee.  Nic was all eyes and set off saying he wanted to look for a newsagent to buy a magazine.  He came back concerned about the size of the 747 that we would be boarding on.  He apparently did not realise that there was more than a little difference between a 737 and a 747 and he went on to say (and I quote) “ F**k me!  It’s like a plane has another one on top of it”.  This only added to his concerns about the pilots ability to ensure that the plane stayed in the air for 13 or so hours.   His anxiety was becoming quite obvious yet despite this, his questions still kept coming…as did his commenting (loudly much to the dismay of some passengers) on his wish for our plane to not simply drop out of the sky. 
 

Once on board I settled back and decided to have a look at the entertainment menu so that I could form a game plan in an effort to help the hours pass by a little more quickly.  I figured I could get several movies in as well as a number of TV show episodes.   I might get square eyes however if it helped getting the time to pass a little more quickly then it would be worth it.  Just as a backup however, I decided to down a glass of wine in order to help me sleep for a little while.  As most of you know, I do not drink alcohol given the medication I am on so am not used to its side effects anymore.  Well…..this is where the fun (not!) began.  Seriously, I vowed not to have any issues with toilets on this trip! 
 

*Note:  the next paragraph may contain descriptions that some might offensive, if so please do not read further.
 

Having had a glass of wine, I was just chillin’ out when I felt my eyelids starting to droop.  I was tempted to succumb to the sandman however I needed to have a pee.  Given the issues that I have in my pelvis (I will put more details below) I have to empty my bladder quickly should the need arise.  So off I trot towards the nearest bathroom facilities.  As I approached the toilets, a drunken American dude stood swaying in the aisle, clutching a tinnie and obviously looking for someone to talk to.  As I needed to be able to pass him, I returned his hello.  Apparently this gave him the idea that I wanted to stop for a good old chin wag which clearly was not my intention.  I stopped for a little light banter as I said because I needed to be able to pass him.
 

After what seemed like forever, and the fact that my crossed legs now resembled some sort of macramé, I excused myself and made a frantic dash to the W.C.  My face fell when I got inside and saw how ridiculously small this closet....I mean bathroom was..…and please allow me to tell you why.  (Again please do not read ahead if you are offended by the images I create, or personal details about health issues)  I currently have a prolapsed bladder and a severely prolapsed bowel amongst other health issues down there.  I will be having surgery in January to correct these.   The side effects that are generated from these,  vary from person to person and can be very frustrating; on occasion very painful; and not to mention embarrassing.  For the purpose of this story, I will only need to mention one of these side effects -  I cannot pee normally.  The closest I can get to doing this “normally” is if whilst sitting on the loo, I bend forward and touch my toes.  For information’s sake, this apparently manages to somehow move things (or lift them up) therefore unblocking an obstruction which in turn allows me to wee.  Seriously, this has become a major inconvenience!
 

Entering the bathroom, it became glaringly obvious that I was not going to be able to sit on the loo and lean down and touch my toes. In fact I am sure that Qantas has reduced the size of their  on board facilities by half since I flew last. I was left with 2 options.  Sit it out and wait until we land in Los Angeles, or, simply find a way to pee.  As option 1 was really not an option, I had to go with option number 2.  I would need to find a way to pee.  My one glass of wine apparently gave me the false impression that this could be achieved!
 

First I thought I would do the sensible thing first and sit on the loo….just to see if I could bend over far enough. Nope…not a hope in hell.  I then thought bending down even just slightly might help.  Nope.  I tried several different things including trying to put my leg up on the impossibly small vanity basin.  Nope.  Why did I even bother trying with putting one leg on the vanity or think that it just might help? Bloody hell I don’t know. Probably because I could.  Oh…and because I had one stupid glass of wine.  After much banging of the walls and door; and after too many “ouches” and moans I was fairly sure that other passengers would have thought that I was trying for an entry into the “Mile High Club”.  I had to smarten up and get serious about this!  I was literally only a couple of seconds from peeing my pants! 

Miraculously the answer came to me! Without thinking this carefully through, I placed one leg down beside the toilet bowl where I could, and the other leg on the other side and while standing leaned down to place my hands on the floor.  I sort of looked as though I was trying to do Sesame Streets version of the letter “A” . As I couldn’t sit on the toilet whilst doing this, I prayed that my tinkle would land in the toilet and not elsewhere.  I also prayed that there were no hidden cameras in the toilet as I would have been winking from every direction.  The flow began so whilst this was extreme it was still successful, and my eyes actually welled up with tears with the relief it gave.   Well that was until we struck a bit of turbulence.  As it was I was struggling to maintain my A-frame position whilst keeping my head upside down.  My tipsy legs were buckling under the strain.  The turbulence bounced the plane around which in turn was my undoing.  I face planted the door and the floor, with my elbows splaying out in odd angles beneath me. The rest of me was sort of concertinaed at a seriously odd angle.
 

After checking that I had not broken any bones or teeth I managed to get my legs down and around and sat Budda like for a couple of seconds, just reflecting on my own stupidity.   I decided that I could probably go through the rest of this life and all of the next one without doing that again!   And as I cleaned up the obvious mess around me, I made a promise to myself (and to every other poor person who this affects) that there would be no more toilet mishaps or consumption of alcohol during this trip!  And no more self inflicted accidents. That is achievable right?

2014 - Third USA Trip - T minus 1 sleep and bloody hell Nic!

So it's time to say bye to my fur babies who are staying at home with Brian’ s Mum during this trip.  I miss them before I even leave home. L  I am cheered up by the knowledge that we are setting off for Brisbane where we will spend the night before our flight tomorrow morning.  This means one of two things:  we get to see Alyx tonight, and, we have Nic’s company in the car on the way down.  I think it would be safe to say that its been a good 4 years since Nic got into a car with us.  Nic’s habit of asking a run of extraordinary odd yet well thought out questions provides us with a never ending source of entertainment. I could hardly wait for the questions to start.

Do you know how you can say something, or make a wish,  or even ask a question.....and later find that you can not take back those words no matter how you try?  Once words have been spoken and visual images created, there really is no way that you can erase them from your mind.  Yes well….I had one of those moments. 

Sure the questions started easy enough.  I won’t give all examples of them here as they would become the star of my blog, and I don’t want that.  Instead I will just give you an idea of his mind set:

Nic:  does water taste different in America?

Me:  Hmmm….well I only drink bottled water and that is the same as Australia. I would expect that it would taste pretty much the same though.

Nic:  Don’t you drink water in the shower?

Me:  No Nic, I do not.

 

Nic:  Do they have Red Rooster in America?

 

Me:  Not to my knowledge.

 

Nic:  F**k.

 

*Pause*

 

Nic:  Does Coke taste the same in America because if it doesn't, I'm outta there?!

 

Me:  Yes it tastes the same.

 

 

Etc., etc., etc.  But after countless questions before we had even got to the bottom of the range:

Nic:  So how many fines have you got in your life?

Me:  Traffic fines?  (he says yes) Two.  One a few weeks before I married your father when I was booked for going through a red light, where as  I swear it was amber; and once with a radar gun along Hume Street  when we lived at Parsley Drive.  Why?

Nic:  Oh no reason….*mumble mumble mumble*

Me:  What did you do??

Nic:  Nothing.

Me:  Nic…what did you do?

Nic:  Nothing that you don’t already know about.

Me:  NIC!  WHAT DID YOU DO???!!!

Nic:  Oh you already know!  I told you…I was caught…….

Me:  Doing what??

Nic:  Taking a piss in Hogs Breath car park.  I told you about this.

Me:  F**king what???? You so did NOT tell me this!!

And the conversation continued.  To cut along story short, we had not even got down the range when we find out that 6 or 7 months ago, Nic was caught and charged with public urination.  It was a $44 fine which he paid the next day. My God!  His excuse….was that the only available toilets at that time were disgusting. Yep that is a seriously good reason to whip your wang out in a public place and take a leak.  The stupid thing was that Nic initially lied and told the cop that he did not do that.  The police mans reply was that he was seen directly taking the leak on the City Safe cameras. Whoops!  Sprung Nicco!  Good grief.

Nic proceeded to chat the whole way to Brisbane asking many a random question or giving us an insight to thoughts his mind tosses around.   Once we got to Brisbane we went and checked in to our hotel where we would be staying for the evening, and to pass a little time whilst waiting for Alyx to finish work.   Nic, who has very rarely stayed in accommodation such as this, immediately got to work and wanted to touch and investigate every single inch of the room.   He went through every drawer and cupboard.  He cracked us up with his exclamation (and pardon the language)…”there is a phone in the shitter?!?!?!” before moving on to the little cupboard next to the   fridge.

I was looking at Facebook on my mobile phone when Nic spoke with an extremely bad yet questioning French/Swahili accent….”Don Paris Nguyong?” I looked up to find Nic standing in front of me and pretending to be some sort of seedy waiter presenting me with a bottle of the restaurants finest.   He had found a cheap bottle of plonk in the mini-bar.  I reminded him that the wine/champers that he was trying to pass this off as, to be “Dom Perignon”  and should he ever really come across a bottle of “ Dom”  he is NOT TO TOUCH!   It’s too bloody expensive for him to drop…..because drop it he would!

We went to pick up Alyx from work and had dinner with her and Zoe at ironically, the Hogs Breath Café. After this we dropped them both at home, along with Nic who would be staying with them for the night.  I apologised in advance for his behaviour and shenanigans and made arrangements for the airport drop off in the morning. We went back to our hotel with all the very best intentions of getting a good night sleep.  I however was kept awake wondering how on earth I was going to be able to let my son roam America by himself and not stress about it.  Needless to say I was unable to come up with any reasonable thought processes …*sigh*  

Look out USA!  Tomorrow we are headed your way! And I apologise in advance for Nicco!

PS:  I miss my dogs already :-(

2014- Third USA Trip - T Minus 6 Sleeps!

Here we come USA!  I actually cannot believe that we will be going again.  This is mind blowingly (yes I realise that is not a word) awesome! This is our 4th trip to the USA and will be the last for a long time.

This trip is approx. 6 weeks.  I am going to be committed to completing my blog on this trip unlike the last one.  I stopped writing two weeks before coming home due to technological issues.

This trip will be a little different from the rest as we will be cruising down to central and south America .  By cruising I don't mean casual driving....I mean an actual cruise!  We will fly over to L.A with my son, Nic, and will spend a week there with him to show him the ropes.  Following this he will set off on his own tour of California and Nevada, and we will hop over the Las Vegas for 6 nights.  We will then head back to L.A via Palm Springs and will board the Island Princess from Long Beach.  Just in brief, the cruise will take us to Mexico, Nicaragua, Cost Rica, Panama, Columbia and Aruba.  During this, we will be sailing through the Panama Canal and the Caribbean, including parts of the Bermuda Triangle ( how COOL!!) until we reach Fort Lauderdale in Florida.

Once back on terra firma we will spend a week or so driving through Florida, the Carolinas and into Georgia where we will board a plane in Atlanta to head back to L.A.  From there we will head down to San Diego for a few days before finally heading back home.  This trip is 6 weeks long and will be jam packed fill of experiences which will create one heck of a lot of material to write about!

2014 Trip - Day 21 - Fraudulent Jelly Beans.

May I please begin todays entry with a warning for all jelly bean lovers.    Jellybean lovers beware.  There are fraudulent jellybeans in the confectionery aisle at the local supermarkets.  I made the mistake of placing my trust in a well known name and found myself coming off second best.  I had a hankering for jellybeans after the Bear had purchased a cheap packet at a gas station days ago, to which I helped myself to.  After they had been sitting in the glove box in the cold for a few days, they had developed a chewiness that I just love.  Given that jellybeans are usually dramatically sweet, the extra chewy texture somehow enhanced this and created the best jellybeans that I have ever tasted.  I wanted to replicate this!  When visiting yet another Walmart I looked in the candy aisles for some jellybeans but they did not have any of the cheaper budget brand packets.  They did have the Lifesaver brand ones (since when do Lifesavers make jellybeans?) which were reasonably cheap in any case.  Given the brand name, I figure that these jellybeans were going to be out of this world! A couple of days of these sitting in a cold glove box could only improve these and the end result would be simply outstanding!

Last night as we sat waiting for our flight to San Francisco, I decided to crack open the packet.  When I did this, the scent coming from the packet was ridiculously sweet. It was just beautiful.....a bit like a bowl full of aromatic fruit at Christmas time. I popped a single jellybean into my mouth (it is sacrilege to put more than one in your mouth at the same time!) and waited for it to start dissolving so that I could get that awesome sugar hit.  The wait was brief as my eyeballs rolled backwards, popped out and bounced off the window in front of . I nearly swallowed the said jellybean whole and choked on it. I spat the jellybean back out asking what the hell?  I popped another one in, and the same thing happened.  It was just like chomping down on a slice of ridiculously tart lemon.    I reviewed the packet of jellybeans to see what I might have missed, but there was nothing.  It just simply said that it contained many flavours.  It did not say anything about containing jellybeans that were enough to sour milk.    Mind you, I ate the damned packet because I am a pig.  I was a glutton for punishment.  Time and time again, I would put one in my mouth and have my tongue try to escape via one of my ears.  Its a good thing I like sour lollies.  But I just wanted a jellybean.  A normal, sickly sweet, almost crystallised jellybean.   So people....if you too are a jellybean freak....be careful at what you purchase.  There are jellybean packets out there that promote being the real deal, where as in fact they are fraudulent jellybeans!

Anyway, today was an absolutely glorious day in San Francisco.  There were probably not enough trannies around for my liking, but that was ok.  I got a huge buzz last time out of trying to work out who was a lady, who was a boy, or finally more importantly, a lady-boy!   We took a walk down to Pier 39 which was as awesome as I remembered it.  There were some cheeky seals playing about, some of which had the locals very well trained.   We didn't need to do the Alcatraz thing again.  We did want to get closer to the Golden Gate Bridge, so managed to achieve that.  We also drove up to "Twin Peaks" which gives an almost 360 degree view of San Francisco.  The sky was an overwhelming view which complimented San Francisco Bay very well.  I love San Francisco. I am disappointed that we wont have more time to spend here.

2014 Trip - Day 20 - Ok so these toilets got me again!

Just when I thought I had American loo's all worked out....I found....that I don't.   I know that I have been asked not to discuss my toilet issues....but hey!  This is MY blog.  If you don't like it...don't read it.

Today we flew from New Orleans to San Francisco.  As the flight didn't leave until after 5pm, we had a few hours to wait given the check out times at the hotel.  As it had been raining heavily we figured it would be warm and dry at the airport.  We had a supply of snacks on us; I had magazines and the Bear had his book (on 9/11 of all things); and we had our phones.  We had no doubt that we would be able to fill the hours.

The Bear and I set up camp and I left everything with him whilst I visited the ladies room.  I walked in and waited for a stall to become available.  When it did, I marched on in however noticed that the lady (????) before me had left wet toilet paper or something similar all over the seat.  I stood for approximately .007 of a second trying to figure out how the hell she did that, before backing up really quick.  I waited again, and went into the next available stall.  Bloody hell!  The same thing had happened!  The dirty woman left stuff all over the toilet seat.  I did this another 3 times for different stalls before figuring I couldn't wait any longer.  As it would be 2 hours before we boarded, I could not wait that time for a tinkle.

I enter the 6th stall and yes...you guessed it....there was we tissue all over the toilet seat.  Or was it?  I went further into the stall and could just make out that there was some green writing on the wall behind the toilet. I squinted really hard because I did not take my glasses in with me.   It read "Before us:  wave hand in front of green wall mounted sensor OR press green button for sanitary seat cover.  Stops automatically".  I looked desperately for a green wall mounted sensor however couldn't find one.  I started waving my arms around madly trying to set off a sensor however this proved to be useless.  I resorted to its next instruction, and pressed the green button.  Well bugger me with a fish fork......I have no idea how this happened but its was like the whole toilet seat started rotating, and whirred its way around to present an apparent "clean" part of the toilet seat cover.    This fascinated me so much I actually let out a squeal!  The previous 5 ladies did not leave wet toilet paper on the seat.  It is just something akin to a condom for a toilet seat!

Happy that I now had this all worked out, I figured I could finally have a tinkle, and went to sit down.  Now there is absolutely no warning that I could see that indicated that you should sit down carefully, due to the said toilet seat protector being so damned slippery.  I promptly slid to the right.  Fortunately for me my very ample left cheek somehow caught on the toilet seat and saved me from slipping onto the floor.  Thanks heavens for small mercies.    However, my slip gave me the opportunity to view the floor at an acute angle, and found that the floor was wet.  I am guessing that is because it had been pouring all day and people would have been coming and going with wet shoes.

I automatically pulled up the legs of my jeans, as I did not want to spend 5 hours on a plane with the bottom of the jeans saturated.  However the minute I was holding them up, I no longer had to hands to help me to stop slipping off the loo!  The only reasonable action that I could take to free up my hands, was to stick my feet up on the walls on either side of the stall. I looked like a star fish in the mid stages of rigor mortis.   I cannot possibly describe the remaining stressful minutes spent in the toilet!

I went back to the Bear, collected my phone, and marched back in to take a photo of this all.  I felt that there would be no possible way that I could describe this accurately....so wanted to show you with a photo!

Next stop.....San Francisco!

2014 Trip - Day 19 - Lord our timing is bad!!!

So we have managed to time it wrong (or right) yet again.  In the past we have landed ourselves in New York smack bang in the middle of a Thanksgiving Parade, or right in time for a record breaking snow storm.  We have placed ourselves in Memphis when tornados have struck for the first time in a long time.  We have now arrived in New Orleans on the day that the famous Mardi Gras is beginning.  Every man and his voodoo doll have turned up for this event, and that is apparent on the roads and the side walks.

The New Orleans Mardi Gras has been celebrated since 1699 (so you would assume we might have known about this!) when French explorer Iberville and his men explored the Mississippi River from the Gulf of Mexico.

Note:  "But Mardi Gras roots predate the French. Many see a relationship to the ancient tribal rituals of fertility that welcomed the arrival of Spring. A possible ancestor of the celebration was the Lupercalia, a circus-like orgy held in mid-February in Rome. The early Church fathers, realizing that it was impossible to divorce their new converts from their pagan customs, decided instead to direct them into Christian channels. Thus Carnival was created as a period of merriment that would serve as a prelude to the penitential season of Lent"

 New Orleans is a mass of purple, green and gold (the colours for Mardi Gras) which I would consider pretty under any other circumstance.  But because the Mardi Gras seems to provide people with the authority to stagger around drunk, drive like a lunatic, and behave badly in general, it certainly impedes on the whole "happiness and celebration" thing.  There are multiple cocks in frocks although in their defence they look far better in a dress than I do!

 

One of the dudes in a dress!

 

People have flocked to the city in their trillions (and yes....again I think this is something that we should have been aware of...so its our own silly fault) and seem intent on trying to out do each other for first prize in being the "loudest and most annoying person in the whole USA".  Now that is something that I would usually be in the running for, without even trying, but I tell you....these people are the masters. 

Its amazing how you can view a place the second time around, so differently than the first.  I am not sure whether my wide eyed stares during the 2012 trip stopped me from taking it all in, but I can guarantee this was like seeing it again for the first time....but differently.  We went in to the French Quarter - the oldest neighbourhood in the city.  It was established by the French in 1718 hence its name and centres around "Jackson Square".   It is historical....and haunted. 

Anyone that knows me is aware of my fascination with the paranormal, and my belief in what exists after death.  I firmly believe in the sixth sense, and believe I have also seen a genuine psychic at work.   I do not fear ghosts/souls/spirits unless they are evil. I believe in good and evil...and believe this is carried into the after life.   I firmly believe that the French Quarter is full of evil.  I felt it last time....I felt it this time....and it scares the shit out of me.    In the daytime, the French Quarter seems harmless enough although it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.  The stories about voodoo, black magic and spells that are cast, scared the daylights out of me.  Add to that, a zillion tourists being loud, crass and DRUNK....and I want to get the hell out of there.

 

One of the first things we saw when we walked around Jackson Square, was a dog in a very small cage.  Tears immediately sprang to my eyes.  As we walked further, I looked at the horses and carriages....and realised....the horses were in fact donkeys.  Very unhappy donkeys.  We went into a souvenir shop and I found key rings with genuine alligator feet attached.  What the hell is this place? As a true, blue animal lover, I felt sick.  And I was confused as to how I did not see these things when we were last here.

We decided this time to walk along the world famous "Bourbon Street" as we did not do that the first time we were here. We actually drove passed it on a horse (donkey rather) and carriage and  I remembered it not being anything to write home about, but thought we could give it another shot.  We bloody hell....the street (and all of those surrounding it) were absolutely putrid and offensive on the nose.  It absolutely stank.  The best description that I could come up with, was that it smelled like rotten ear wax and dirty nappies.  It smelled just awful.

 

Bourbon Street

Bourbon Street

 

As we drove away from the French Quarter my mood lifted.  It became easier to breathe again and I didn't have that strong feeling of evil.  The fact that we found ourselves on the Mardi Gras Parade route, was a bit of a bonus (or not) for the day.  Mind you, it was great given that we didn't have traffic to compete with!
 

 

Hmmm....no traffic?  And what are those barricades?  Did the Bear figure that he needed more than one piece of portable fencing to protect him from the crowds?

We decided to visit the Lafayette Cemetery which we failed to do last time.  The Bear thought that it might have freaked me out....but I told him that I was just fine.  The people in the mausoleums here were just regular folk (respectfully of course) and that I did not feel that there was any threat.  Do you think I am mad?  Of course I am!  The history in this cemetery was just astounding.  People here had been born before our own country had been "discovered".   They had died before my own great grand parents had been born.  It was sad to see that most of the mausoleums where in a very sad state of disrepair, although it was interesting to note that people were still being added to the family crypts as recently as last year.  Whilst I would not like to be in this place at night, I definitely found it to be amazingly interesting during the day!

 

 

 

Tomorrow we fly back to the west coast.  I am SO looking forward to that!  I read that another weather event will be occurring on the east coast and central districts.  Rain is headed for California, and that is ok.  That is neither snowstorm or tornado.  Knowing our luck on this trip, we will experience an earthquake!