2014 Trip - Day 5 - World Trade Centre and Seinfelds Diner!

Our time in New York is rapidly coming to an end.  I would love to have seen the temperature rise to above zero during our time here.  No wait, in fact, I would have loved the temperature to have risen as high as zero during our time here however that is not to be.  We do have two nights left in the Big Apple however the prediction is for a deterioration of weather, not an improvement.  As at 9am this morning the temperature was minus six.   

We started today with visiting the World Trade Centre Memorial.  

To get there we opted to catch the subway.  This is always quite the experience!  I will be honest and say that I have never felt unsafe in the underground although I would definitely not be catching the metro at night by myself.  I find it interesting as it’s almost as though we have entered a movie set.  The underground stations are exactly as you would see them in the movies and the carriages are filled with people that appear to be from the same.  Interestingly the Bear and I both pictured movie scenes as we travelled along.  We did this without knowing that the other was thinking something similar.  However, the movies/TV programs that our imaginations lead us to were almost polar opposites.    I was sitting opposite an elderly Asian man who was reading a magazine full of all of those hieroglyphics that only they can understand.  I found myself in the middle of an episode (the pilot if I remember correctly) of “Now and Again” (1999) where an elderly Asian man on a train releases a vial of sarin gas killing everyone in the carriage.  The Asian man avoided death by removing a gas mask from a briefcase and putting it on.  I found myself looking around the old Asian across from me to see if he had a briefcase OR a gas mask.  The Bear however had placed himself in the movie “Borat” where he released chooks on the subway.  So…we were both on the same wave length……but light years apart.

We were both snapped back to the present when an African American man stood at one of the doors of our carriage and started ripping a newspaper in tiny pieces and tossing them angrily on the floor. He was quite feverish with his ripping and was clearly taking the world out on this newspaper.  He was making one hell of a mess.  I surveyed his immediate area to establish as to whether there were any fire arms or explosives within his reach.  I couldn’t see any although with the current dress code being “Michelin Man” a person could hide an array of weapons without obvious detection. Fortunately the angry man got off at a station without causing any bloodshed in our carriage.  And yes….I do acknowledge that I require counselling for my imagination.

Visiting the World Trade Centre Memorial was confronting.  Back when this happened I watched everything unfold as I did the ironing late one night.  My children were asleep at the time however I felt the need to go check on them.  It was the first time since they were born that I seriously felt that I could not fully protect them from evil and that scared the living shit out of me.  I had watched live as the second plane hit and as both the towers came down.  As the Bear and I stood in these very spots, we could not comprehend what occurred that day.   To stand in a place of such horror and tragedy left me without words.  The memorial is done very nicely although given that it is winter, the trees look dead and heavy snow covers any gardens.  Both the north and south reflection pools however were free of snow.  I can imagine that during the spring time this would be a very serene place which must be comforting for the families of the victims.  

The Bear and I were a little confused though at how some people were behaving in there.  Laughing and hooning around struck us as being very disrespectful.  The Bear likened their behaviour to those visiting an amusement park which I thought was a very appropriate description.  I said that it might be “just their way” of remembering the dead – and trying to make it a happy place?  I really did not believe this was the case though.  I thought it was very, very disrespectful. 

R.I.P victims of 9/11 and thoughts go out to your families and friends xxx

 

 

 

We left the memorial and caught the subway back uptown in order to visit Toms Restaurant.  This will be a very familiar name and place for any Seinfeld fan!  We have seen familiar movie sets and street scenes when we have visited Warner Bros and Universal on previous trips, but this was something again!  To walk up a street and just come across that place in the every day business sector in a normal suburb was just so cool!  We had already decided that we would eat there so timed it to arrive around midday.  Naturally we assumed that we might be able to beat the lunch rush.  Not so!  The place was full to the brim and bustling with a hive of activity.  It is remarkable small inside and is almost beyond simple.  It reminded me of a 70s milk bar which is something that has long gone from the small businesses in Australia which is just a tragedy.  Toms Restaurant was like stepping into a time capsule.

 

 

Most menus in the USA are standard containing burgers, buffalo wings, nachos and cheese sticks.  Toms Restaurant did sell these types of things, but so much more.  They listed hearty meals of roast lamb and pork amongst others and they were so cheap!  I decided that I was going to have the roast pork and the Bear was opting for a roast beef sandwich.  My meal was going to cost $10 and the Bears was something similar.  Ordering this went something similar to the following:

Me:  I will have the roast pork please! (As it was such a bitterly cold day, I was very enthusiastic about having a hot roast meal)

Waitress:  What sort of soup would you like?

Me:  *Looks at the Bear with a confused look*

The Bear:  What sort of soup would you like?

Me:  The roast pork?

Waitress:  You have soup first.

The Bear:  Today it’s an all in one meal.

Me:  *Confused*  Ok….well you can say what sort of soup you would like because I wouldn’t be able to eat more than one meal.

The Bear:  *looks at waitress*  Chicken Noodle please.

Waitress:  What sort of salad dressing would you like?

Me:  *majorly confused*  Ermmmmm…….

Waitress:  *rattles off a list of salad dressings in a very heavy Greek accent* 

Me:  Oil and vinegar? (This is the only thing that I understood that she said, and I was wondering why I would need salad dressing).

Waitress:  You want the roast pork?

Me:  Yes please.

Waitress:  Gravy?

Me:  Yes please.

Waitress:  Mashed potato, jacket potato or French fries?

Me:  Mashed please. (My waistline was expanding just listening to this woman)Waitress:  What sort of vegetable would you like?  *points to the list on the menu*

Me:  Ummm….mixed vegetables please? 

 

Needless to say she went through a similar conversation with the Bear.    She brought out my “first course” of a small bowl of chicken noodle soup with graham crackers in packets, along with a simple salad.  George Costanza would have definitely brought in an “outside cucumber’ (Seinfeld fans will know what I am talking about) with this salad.  It had two half pieces on it, as well as three strips of red onion, a couple of cherry tomatoes, and a lot of lettuce that was taken directly from the heart.  The oil and vinegar dressing was exactly that – a bottle of very yellow oil and a bottle of very brown vinegar.  It was quaint in a very Nana type of way.   The Bear did say that the soup was very good and the salad vegetables were very crisp.

The next course came out and my eyes nearly fell out of my head.  My large plate was overloaded with thick slices of roast pork and lashings of lumpy mashed potato.  I certainly didn’t mind the lumps because again that reminded me of my Nanas cooking. It was hot and it was hearty.  I am not sure what the gravy was though.  It was sort of a cross between a tomato gravy (minus the tomato if that makes sense) and hot sauce gravy.  I don’t know if there is such a thing as hot sauce gravy, but it’s the only description that I can come up with.  The waitress also brought out a small bowl of very over-boiled mixed vegetables however again it is something that took me back to my grandmother. These were good memories.

 

The Bears roast beef sandwich came out with multiple slices of roast beef lying on top of fresh bread, with the same gravy over it.  He also had loads of French fries that were spilling from the plate.   He chose broccoli as his vegetable of choice and this came out on a separate plate which the Bear described as cold.  Not that this mattered because we had no hope in hell of eating everything anyway!  He did eat the cold broccoli though.

We attempted to eat this humungous feed whilst looking around the walls of autographed photos of the Seinfeld cast and celebrities such as Morgan Freeman who have visited.   

 

 

 

I was unfortunate enough to witness the oddest of sights however.  A man that was sitting in a booth adjacent to us, got out of his chair in order to speak to someone and to go to the bathroom.  Despite freezing conditions, we wore blue short, stretchy stubby type shorts, a long orange t-shirt and a grey cardigan.  He stood up and displayed the wedgie from hell….and by this I mean that his t-shirt was clenched tightly in his cheeks as well!  I was hoping that the man would move away so that I did not have his derrière pointing at me with absolutely no room for imagination, but no, he stopped and chatted to some people.  Just when I thought the view could not get any worse, the man tucked his fingers into the back of his shorts in order to try and remove the wedgie.  I might point out that this was unsuccessful, and he became more forceful with himself when trying to increase his effort.  I attempted to focus on the Bear across the table in an effort not to continue witnessing the “wedgie dig” beside him, however I could not raise my voice loud enough above the chatter in the restaurant (without embarrassing wedgie-dude anyway) to let him know why I was sporting a screwed up face.  Fortunately he ended up visiting the men's room and corrected this fashion faux pas.

We left Toms Restaurants with very full bellies (we could not finish it all) and caught a cab to go to The Rockefeller Centre.  I was terribly excited as I had been waiting to go there for months!! Being HUGE fans of the TV show “The Blacklist” I had planned on buying the NBC store out of their merchandise when I got to New York.  A couple of months ago they advertised T-Shirts, coffee cups, phone covers etc.  Alyx and I were going to order them online, but given that I was coming to New York anyway, I said that I would go berserk when I got there.  We could have got a couple of subways to get back to mid-town.  We would have needed to catch at least two.  Given that it was so cold and our day was already long in the tooth, I suggested just get a cab to The Rockefeller. 

I know that this screams in the face of everything I wrote during the first trip, however my experience with cab drivers on this trip (with the exception of the toss-wank, dick-face, hen-like, ass-wipe, douche bag, tea-towel wearing clown who after stopping for us on the water front in the cold the other day, drove away telling us to walk the short distance.  My mother would be disgusted to learn what language I called out to him whilst flipping him the bird and standing in the middle of the street in New York!  Go me!) have not been too bad.

 

 

So we hailed a cab and made the lengthy drive back mid-town subsequently arriving at the Rockefeller Centre and the NBC store.  I cannot tell you how cold I was and welcomed the store heating.  The time had come to spend some big bucks in the Big Apple! The Bear and I walked through the store, and noted merchandise from TV Shows such as Friends, Community and The Office.  We could not find anything from The Blacklist.  A store attendant asked if he could offer his assistance so the Bear asked him to point out the merchandise from The Blacklist. 

                                     

The young store attendant looked a little blankly before advising that they do not have any merchandise.  The show was too new apparently.  I told him that was not correct as the website displayed a stack of items including their prices.  The attendant advised that they had nothing to do with the website so were not responsible for what was advertised.

I swear I was a single heartbeat away from an aneurism.  The brain explosion was so pronounced I thought my brains would literally fall out or my nostrils.  I told them that this could not be!  The Bear told the attendant that we would have a VERY disappointed daughter.  I said bugger the daughter…..there was an extremely disappointed me!!!  We walked through the rest of the store pretty much double checking that the attendant was right, and looking for anything else that would have our trip there to be not a complete waste.  The best we could do was nearly walking about with a couple of “Law and Order” mugs, but did not want to risk them being broken on the way home. We also managed to ask another staff member about Blacklist merchandise and were told the same thing. We left empty handed.  F**k.  Just f**k.

 

                                   

I was not game to pay for any more transport today so we walked back to the hotel.  It was only about 10 blocks or so and allowed us to get some supplies on the way back.  It had been such a long day we decided against going back out for dinner and just put some wraps and Panini's to eat in.   Given that our maximum today was minus 4, this didn’t seem such a bad option.  As it turned out, I was more tired than I expected and was unable to keep my eyes open.

 Tomorrow is expected to be cold with more snow so we will play it by ear what we do! It is our last full day in New York :-(

2014 Trip - Day 4 - The Intrepid Aircraft Carrier

It is so cold.  So very, very cold.  I know that this is to be expected in the northern winter…but geeeeeeeeez!  My skin is looking as though it is burned.  On the previous two trips over here my rash has gone berserk but it took a fair while for that two occur.  This time it has happened in a flash.  I guess that’s the risk you take when having to sleep on sheets where you cannot dictate what laundry detergent to use.

 This is just a quick, and one of my more serious reports.  I do not wish to dishonour the memory of servicemen and women by my usual crassness.
Today we went off to the Intrepid. It is the Navy’s aircraft carrier which saw service in World War II and the Vietnam War.  It is infamous as being the ship that the Japanese could not sink after multiple kamikaze jet pilots slammed into it November 25 1944.  This killed 69 souls on board but did not down the ship.

The Bear had wanted to see the Intrepid on our 2012 trip to New York.  Hurricane Sandy hit New York on the same day that we landed in the USA and this closed multiple tourist attractions including the Intrepid.  It is however open today.  It was our plan to visit the Intrepid as well as board the Concorde which is a part of the museum and catch a water taxi around to the World Trade Tower Memorial.  Large amounts of ice in the Hudson River have cancelled the service so unfortunately we won’t be going out onto the water today.  Or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it.  Lady Liberty would be freezing in her knickers out there today and I am not sure whether I was too keen to join her.

On the landing deck there were a variety of rotary and fixed wing aircraft.  It’s amazing to think that some of these aircraft have seen active duty.  It’s even more amazing to know exactly what the Intrepid’s part to play was in the various wars and the struggles it was required to overcome as a result of the enemy. I confess that I was completely oblivious to what the word “kamikaze” actually meant until today.  My heart ached for the men whose lives were lost at sea at the hands of these kamikaze pilots.  As I stood on the deck absolutely freezing my proverbial’s off I acknowledged that it was nothing compared to the pain that this ship had seen in it’s time.

The hangar deck below was welcome warmth.  There are further aircraft down there along with museum pieces and educational experiences.  These not only provided information on the Intrepid, but also on the Concorde and the Space Shuttle Enterprise – both of which are exhibits that you can pay to see.  As the Bear and I had seen the Space Shuttle Endeavour in L.A last year we chose to learn about and go on board the Concorde (which I would like to say was absolutely awesome!).

Below this was where the kitchen and dining areas were.   There is a limited food service there for patrons where we took the weight off our feet and thawed out our hands.  Given that we were unable to now catch the water taxi to the World Trade Centre Memorial, we were in no hurry to be anywhere. Instead we shamelessly watched (ok…well I shamelessly watched) as some people of another ethnicity make absolute pigs of themselves.

There really isn’t much else to report for the day.  It was far too cold to get into any sort of mischief!  Tomorrow we will again attempt to get to the World Trade Centre Memorial.

 

2014 Trip - Day 3 - The day of unforced errors!

What a day.  What. A. Day.  If yesterday went by relatively without incident, today sure made up for it!
 

Allow me to begin by getting my days toilet incidences out of the way. (I have got NO idea why such a task which I have been doing successfully multiple times daily for 47 years should be fraught with hazards every time I step out of Australia)

1.   Just when I thought I had mastered the automatic toilets (and by that I mean I can recognise them now as soon as I walk in; and know not to lean too far forward mid-tinkle in order to pick up my dropped mobile phone as this sets off the automatic flush…etc…etc) they apparently felt the need to have the last laugh.  I visited the ladies room on the 3^rd floor of the hotel I am staying which was where we were having breakfast.  I walked in, recognised that it was an automatic loo, thought “ha! I've got your number covered” and started the necessary preparation required in order to relieve myself.  I would have said “dropped my dacks” but that would have seemed somewhat crass.    As I went to sit down, the bottom on my jeans somehow got caught on the edge of the jacket of was wearing and I had to jiggle a little to release it.  (I know that the mental picture may have you feeling a little ill) As I did so, it must have triggered the sensor on the automatic loo…and as I went to sit on the toilet seat, the toilet flushed.  Now these automatic flushing loo’s have an enormous growl (imagine Shrek passing wind underneath water) which gives the unsuspecting a bit of a fright.  To have that happen when your derrière has all but connected with the seat….well that’s just downright terrifying.  This fright came second only to my experience with a bidet in Seoul last year however the end result was the same.  I smacked my head on the ceiling and almost missed the loo on the way back down again.  The moral of the story?  Never jiggle violently in front of an automatic loo.

2.     I went to use the restrooms in Time Warner Shopping Centre at lunch time.  These are relatively small toilets made even tinier by the layers of clothing that need to be worn in the Northern winter. It’s a tad hard to negotiate going about your business and it really is a relief to actually get out of the bathrooms.  I was in more of a hurry given that there was a homeless lady in there going through the bins (yes….the bins in the ladies room!  Blerck, gross, cack) and another who appeared to have barricaded herself in another stall and was reciting something which I could not understand (a prayer maybe?).   The Time Warner Shopping Centre is quite obviously for the affluent (which makes me wonder why two homeless ladies and myself were using the toilet facilities) so was relatively clean however I wanted to make a quick getaway given that the other ladies were making me feel uncomfortable.  After I did my business I quickly drew up my drawers and was out of there.  Fortunately for me, the lady going through the bins made eye contact with me.  Worried that I would be hit up for money (I had nothing on me) I turned my head to avoid her stare and looked straight into a bathroom mirror.  I am fairly familiar with looking at myself in the mirror and being horrified however this was something new.  I had apparently grown a tail.  Looking around, my eyes followed the line of toilet paper running from my jeans back to the stall which I had just walked out of.  Needless to say, I sent a silent apology  to every person I have laughed at for doing the exact same thing. 

Despite today being freezing with an expected maximum of minus 2, the sun being out made for a very different outlook.  The snow shovelers had the pathways clear for pedestrians and were now digging cars out of the large snow drifts.   We decided we would head to Central Park in order to visit Strawberry Fields.  This is directly across the road from The Dakota.  For those that do not know, this is where John Lennon lived…and where he died at the hands of Mark David Chapman. Strawberry Fields is a memorial to John Lennon, and his beloved wife Yoko still lives across the road in The Dakota.

The Bear and I figured that we had a lot of walking to do today, so would cut this down a little by getting the metro/subway from 7^th Avenue and hope off two or three stops later at 72^nd Street.  This would have us exactly where we wanted to be at the Dakota.   We purchased our one way tickets ($3 each for those who are interested) and worked our way down into the subway to wait for our train.  We got on board a very crowded carriage which was full of commuters starting their day.    The majority of people had got off the train in the first stop or two, which only a handful of African Americans left.  This allowed the Bear and I to sit down briefly waiting for our stop at 72^nd Street.   On the metro there are no announcements as to what the next stops are, so I had my eyes peeled waiting for the station to become apparent.   And apparent it was…..as we clean sailed through it.  No words were required.  The raised eyebrow said it all.   That was ok we said.  We would just get off at the next stop and get the next metro back to 72^nd.  Except we sailed through that as well…..and the next….and the next….and so on.  
 

 

 I cannot tell you how hard it is for a couple of white honkies trying to look cool when we had no frickin’ idea where we were going or when the damned trained would stop.  In fact….we made a point of making it look as though we were deliberately going to where ever we were apparently going to get off at!  I should not have been surprised at me choosing this inopportune time to feel the effects of a very full bladder.  I had already decided that when we DID get to stop, I would not be using the facilities at whichever station we arrived at.  There are not many things that I will point blank refuse to do, but using the toilets in the New York Subway is one of them.

Our train finally stopped at 125^th Street.  That wasn’t too bad I thought.  We only over shot our mark by 50 odd streets.  As it turned out, this was Harlem.  Nothing like an unplanned trip to see the Globetrotters!  The Bear and I stuck out like the proverbial as we scrambled to change platforms in order to get a NON EXPRESS train back to 72^nd.

When we finally reached our correct destination, I was absolutely blown over by the sheer beauty of a crisp, white Central Park.  I was overwhelmed to be in a place that John Lennon held so dear, and even more so once we were at the “Imagine” memorial in Strawberry Fields. This is in direct eye sight of the Dakota where John and Yoko lived.  I tried to imagine the absolute horror of this great man being murdered here (he was shot four times) however the beauty of it completely over rode this.

 

 

 

The Bear and I set off to walk through Central Park.  We had been here about 18 months earlier during the fall of 2012.  At that time the leaves changing created the most beautiful array of colours which were completely stunning, however this was something again.   Just magnificent.  It is so hard to describe something so beautiful that lies within the concrete jungle.   Squirrels were abundant; horses and carriages cantered; a lot of little birds flittered about.   I was disappointed to see that “The Tavern on the Green”  (The quaint restaurant from Mr Poppers Penguins) was surrounded by scaffolding and fencing as it is undergoing a renovation.  We still got a little bit of a look however and it is just gorgeous.  

 

We decided that we would make our way to a frozen lake within the park.  I was very apprehensive about walking on the snow which had gone to ice.  As I was carrying my camera, I didn’t want to fall.  My camera is almost my pulse when we are travelling.  Also, as I already have a back injury, the thought of falling and hurting myself just does not warrant thinking about.  I could see that the pathway to the frozen lake had a large amount of ice on it.  I told the Bear that I was being careful as I could feel myself slipping and that there was no way that I wanted to fall.  The Bear pointed out that his joggers had him situated very firmly on the pathway and there was no hint of slipping what so ever.  Apparently he then felt the need to demonstrate this through interpretive dance.  I am very appreciative of the arts however felt that I had interpreted this incorrectly.  I could have sworn his moves were saying that “the pathway is slippery.  In fact there is a lot of black ice.  I think I might just take a seat on the ground right here.  This dance is brought to you today by the letter “V”.  Make of that what you will.

Tonight we went to the musical “Motown” which is the story of Berry Gordy who founded Motown.  Some of you that know me will remember that I am a HUGE fan of Motown.   We had managed to score seats in the very front row which was so many levels of awesome.  This musical would have to be the best thing that I have ever seen.  The singers and dancers in this were somewhere way beyond fantastic and I found it hard to remember that we were not watching the stars themselves.  Their presentation of the likes of Diana Ross, Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder etc were an absolute credit to them and I would find it hard to believe that those stars would not be very humbled by their portrayal.   This took entertainment to a new level and I would not hesitate to pay ten times the amount to experience such enjoyment again.

After the theatre we chose to walk the 6 or so blocks back through Times Square to our hotel.  It was cold, it was busy, and it smelled horrendous (there is some stench that comes up through the smokey vents in the road which is just disgusting) however I have learned that this is all part of the New York experience.  We stopped at a late night store to pick up some pastries to demolish before bed.   As I did so I reflected on the day that was.  Despite the hiccups, it was a very good day. J

 

Tomorrow we shall visit the Intrepid and the World Trade Centre Memorial!

2014 Trip - Day 2 - New York, New York!

If we had have brought a shipping container load of warm, dry clothes across from home, we would have been met with a heat wave in the middle of winter.  Instead we have chosen to pack lightly (with the intent of buying up big once we hit the west coast) and have managed to go through a few sets of clothes and shoes within the first 24 hours.   We have landed ourselves in the middle of a snow storm (the news here seems to be over using the word “vortex”. Perhaps I am jealous that I simply cannot insert that into a sentence myself) and it is cold.  F**king cold.

 The Bear and I did have the means to remain warm and dry….and by that I mean that we had the option of remaining indoors.  But nooooooo…..this pair of jet lagged Australians who have just arrived in the US of A after coming from a country in the grips of a heatwave felt that we should hit the ground running and make the most of The Big Apple.  The view of a blissfully white Central Park from our hotel room was too beautiful to resist.  It was fairly apparent that we would not be able to make the short walk there unscathed however our true Australian arrogance “knew” better.

As we left the warm foyer of our hotel it was apparent that many locals were caught unaware by the snow storm.  Cars almost buried in snow drifts lined the streets.  In some places, they appeared to be double parked.  In others it was apparent that cars had slid into one another and were abandoned by their owners.  Men on every side walk worked feverishly trying to shovel snow to not only clear the paths for patrons, but to also free the drains to allow rain and melting snow to escape.  The side walks were hazardous not only due to the snow, but because rain was freezing on top of the snow making them ridiculously slippery. Snow turned intersections into extreme hazards as patrons tried crossing roads away from the snow drifts that were deep and had collected on every corner.  If any vehicle had have tried to break to avoid a person they would not have had a hope in hell of stopping. Of course, if a car lost control and slid without the ability to get traction, patrons would not stand a chance.

 

 

 

                                                       

 

Stepping off a corner to cross the road, even at the lights, came with its own issues.  As I said before, the snow drifts were deep so it was hard to see what you were stepping off into. However the snow prevented rain from draining away and we were unable to tell how deep the water was either.  We felt that the most appropriate store to have in New York today would be one that sold snorkels and flippers because to get across the road we had to wade it waist deep water. Ok…so that is an exaggeration. We both ended up wet, and very, very cold with icy cold water saturating our shoes, socks and jeans.  This was the type of cold that went through to the bone and hurt. Snow, sleet and rain also wet our clothes (although the Bear in his wisdom had taken a semi water-resistant jacket) which complimented the icy blasts of wind.

Add to this the nutcase taxi drivers and truck drivers (yes….truck drivers on Manhattan Island) which still flew through the streets at an alarming rate, spraying up the sludge onto pedestrians; and the occasional person who was quite happy to take out another’s eye with their umbrella; the large sheets of ice that was falling from every building; potential frostbite or drowning at an intersection, it is a wonder that we made it back alive!

 

 

                       

Nothing quite screams “TOURIST!!”  like an ice covered Bear and a saturated Oompa Loompa staggering saturated into head long into arctic blasts.

 We weren’t sure where we were headed but thought if we walked in the direction of Central Park, we would at least be doing something. The weather reports state that people should stay indoors and don’t drive if you can avoid it….yet we were slipping and sliding on the snow and ice like an extremely drunk Torville and Dean.  I cannot possibly find the words to describe how cold we are.  We managed to get as far as the Time Warner Shopping Centre on Columbus Circle however all of the shops were closed.  There was no way we could cross the road to get to Central Park as the snow and ice were completely across the road sending the motorists into a spin with accidents galore.  He decided to go into Time Warner any way so that we could have a reprieve from the wind and thaw out a little.

My eyes settled on a very tall black man.  A very, VERY tall black man.  A very, very tall NAKED black man.  WTF??   It was a statue of some sort in the middle of the shopping centre although I have not got the faintest idea.  He did not bare a name and there was nothing to advertise his significance. As I got closer I saw that he was very anatomically correct.  Given that he was about 20 foot high, I was able to stare straight at his doodle.  It has taken me a few minutes to think of what I could call it.  The word “doodle” strikes me as being a word relevant for cute things.  This 20 foot giant had a very cute (ok….small) Johnson.  Mind you….it was extremely cold and I thought to myself that I bet he is thankful that he is a statue because if he wasn’t….his junk might shrink up so far that it would take a very skilled doctor to retrieve it.   As if the very, very tall, naked black man situated in the middle of the shopping centre wasn’t strange enough…..the man’s doodle was painted gold.  I mean….what the hell?!  Anyway, me being me, I could not waste the opportunity to touch the dick of a large black man and pretend my touch turns everything to gold!

 A couple of steps onwards we came across a very, very tall, anatomically correct black woman. By anatomically correct, I mean she had the whole box and dice.  Well…*cough*…a shaved box and dice. And no....I didn't touch that one!

All in all it was a relatively uneventful day which was good because we are suffering from jet lag in a MAJOR way this time.  On previous trips I have not felt it, but this time it has come with a bang.

We are hoping tomorrow is a little more fine so that we can go exploring the things that we failed to do on our first trip to New York as well as go to a theatre on Broadway to see our very first musical!

2014 Trip - Day 1 - Those bloody toilets again!

It is finally here!  Our third trip to the United States and I am so excited!  I have promised myself that I will leave my heavy heart at home.  Its only been a week since my beloved Ella passed away but I get comfort in having her around my neck.  By that I mean some of her ashes and fur in a heart shaped pendant which has paws on it.  I will have a little bit of her close to my heart.  Its not the ideal but its better than nothing.

This time we are flying to L.A and changing planes to go onto New York. Its a damned long time to be on an airplane but it will be worth it!  I have also promised myself that I will have NO toilet incidences on this trip.  Given my problems on the last two trips I think that I should be well aware of the potential hazards when having a tinkle so expect to be able to complete the task without event.  We shall see.

We have Alyx seeing us off at the airport. She will be meeting us in L.A in a month which is terribly exciting.  It is awesome to think that the next time we see her will be after she has taken her first international flight into LAX.  Cool!

Our flight to L.A departs almost on time.  The Bear and I always take comfortable clothes to change into on the flight.  You would wonder why we don't just wear the clothes on board in the first place?  Well despite the Bear having retired from his job with Qantas we still get a staff discount on flights.  Given that we are representing staff we are not allowed to wear things like denim or tracky dacks when boarding the flight.  Its a small price to pay for the discount that we receive.  We can get changed on board so alls well that ends well!  I don't usually get changed on board however given that I have had very little sleep over the past two weeks, I want to be able to pass out during the flight if possible.  That is very hard to do when you are dressed as though you are going to work!  So....this time.....I will change into tracky dacks.

Once we are in the air the Bear goes to get changed and once he gets back...so do I.   We are on one of the newer 747's which appears to be the same as the other 747's that I have travelled in.  Well....it appeared to be the same until I went into the lavatory.  Apparently Qantas felt the need to have some floor space given back to.....well I don't know what it has been given back to....but the toilet size had nearly shrunk in half. Never to mind!  I am awake to these toilets!  I get changed CAREFULLY before heading back to my seat.

I thoroughly peruse what is available with the inflight entertainment and carefully consider the movies and TV programs.  I mentally figure out what I will be watching during the first 13 hour flight making allowances for the time that I hope to be asleep.  I am excited to see that "The Blacklist" is showing and a number of movies that I am looking forward to seeing.  I decide to not start with these however as I seriously would like to get some shut-eye so feel I should watch something that will send me off to the land of nod.  I choose a documentary on identical twins.  I am fascinated with twins so this will prove not to be boring, but still should be ordinary enough to put me to sleep.  Not so.  I am yawning quite a bit however the eyes haven't closed yet.

I note that there is another documentary titled something about a man with the "largest".  The largest what????  Its not in the title.  I decide to start the program just to see what it is all about.  Well shit-a-brick-fart-a-pebble-piss-a-pool-build-a-house....its a man with the worlds largest testicles.  And when I say large....I am talking about 130 pounds large.   This dude literally had something the weight of another man swinging between his legs.  In fact, he could only walk by straddling his balls.  He also had the unique party trick of being able to eat off his balls!  When I was pregnant, sometimes I would sit a bowl of ice-cream on top of my tummy when I was eating it, but that was usually to see if my baby would kick it off.  This dude however could eat a three course meal off his nads.  Just mind blowing.  I felt sorry for the guy however.  His scrotum started swelling after her "slammed his right leg onto his right nut" one day and it just didn't stop.  This was like watching a train accident.  It was absolutely awful but you just couldn't help but watch.  *sigh*  No sleep for Donna.

The Brisbane to L.A flight was relatively without incident.  With about 3 hours to go, I decide to beat the rush that was likely to ensue and went back to the toilet to get changed back into my full outfit.  I was careful when walking back there, not to drop my bra which was wrapped in my top.  As any woman would know, you can only truly be comfortable when taking the sheep dog off ( Sheep dog - something to "round em up and point em in the right direction) and going boobie-commando.

I get into the excruciatingly tiny loo and lock the door with the slide across latch (which automatically turns on the light) before seeing the error of my ways.  Whilst it was one thing to disrobe in the little loo, it would be another thing to get dressed.  I could barely turn around in this thing but figure if I turn around and sit on the toilet I will be able to change my pants.  Several groans later, I am sitting on the toilet and have my tracky dacks off and my good pants on.  I felt very satisfied at having accomplished this however was worried about what the people outside would be thinking.  There was several groans and multiple bangs on the toilet door.  Given that the toilet was right outside the galley which was bustling with flight attendants, I was concerned that they might think that someone in the toilet was trying to gain membership to the "Mile High" club.  Of course, the only people that could achieve that would be a dwarf with a dildo, however who knows what would be going through the crews mind.

With this thought I decide to try to turn back around in order to put my bra and top on.  I figure if I am facing away from the door, there would be less noise if I smack my limbs or my head on the wall behind the toilet rather than the door.  No matter which way I was facing I would have at least one elbow in the sink. (As a side note...it is remarkably relaxing taking a pee whilst having an elbow in the sink.  I cannot explain this....nor do I think you would want me to).   Ok....so back to the door.....face towards the toilet....knees absolutely jammed against the toilet bowl.  I carefully put my bra on in the way that I think most woman would (turn it upside down so that you can do up the clips and then rotate it around so that you can put your arms through the straps) and I managed to get the first stage completed without incident.  I rotated it around and went to put my right are through the strap however was met with some resistance.  I look to my right and could see in the mirror (which was so close my breath kept fogging it up!) that my strap was caught on the round knob situated on the latch that does up the toilet door.   I moved side to side trying to release it however this just managed to anchor me more firmly. Hmmmph.  I try to reach behind me with my right had however the toilet is so damned small I cannot manoeuvre it up.  I try with my left arm/hand however given that I have left my contortionist skills at home, I failed at this also.  As I was trying to do everything whilst watching in the mirror, I was trying to do everything in reverse which just seemed to add to my woes.

I tried leaning forward over the toilet bowl however this just rattled the door violently and had me bang my head on the wall behind the toilet.  This was absolutely ridiculous!  I hoped that this wasn't setting the scene for  every one of my toilet stops AGAIN once I entered the United States.  I figured that the only way that I was going to dislodge myself from the door was going to be from me giving one fairly violent pull which I was now prepared to take despite what the flight attendants outside would think.   With one sideways pull and a half twist with a degree of difficulty that would have earned a perfect score at the Olympics I reefed myself clear of the door doing a face plant into the wall behind the toilet, and found myself plunged into darkness.  WTF???!!!!!!!!!!!  It didn't take very long to realise that by pulling my bra off the latch, it had slid it across therefore unlatching the door and turning off the automatic lights, and I felt a slight breeze on my back from the flight attendants walking back and forth behind me.  Yes people....I had my bra half on, with my face pressed against the toilet wall with the toilet door now ajar.  FFS!  FML!

I quickly relocked the door and dressed as best as I could before returning to my seat with a potential black eye and my embarrassment clearly on show.  The damned toilets are out to kill me again!

I could continue with my horror stories on the way to New York however my blog will be longer than "War and Peace".  I wont go into the details of a panic stricken passenger beside me (although if I might just point out that several hours of him rocking back and forth made it VERY hard to take any photos....however I was compassionate enough to not tell him to "SIT F**KING STILL" when he was having an absolute cow upon landing) or a couples on board barney that saw a bloody mary go flying (and no....its wasn't me and the Bear) on the L.A to New York sector.  I will just say that we eventually got to New York sporting large headaches (and in my case....a number of bruises) and were tired beyond anything that we felt before.

New York from the air was a brilliant white from the snow that had fallen. We have only just made it in.  Services in and out of the airports and trains have been cancelled due to the snow storm that is currently happening.   I sit here now at 3am local time watching the snow continue to fall.  I think it may be heavy enough to interfere with our day however our view from the 58th floor will compensate for that.  I am thinking a quiet day trying to recover from our marathon flights over here will do us the world of good!

Today my heart actually broke......

This is just a side note not relevant to any travel.  Rest in peace my gorgeous Ella who was taken from me today.  I swear I would have done anything to make you better.  I honestly swear that there is nothing that I would not have done.  For three and a half years we were joined at the hip and the emptiness I am now feeling is immeasurable.  You were so tiny and perfect yet had one hell of a kick-ass attitude and were larger than life.  It still blows my mind how intelligent you were and I often found myself wondering how it was possible. To most people you where "just a dog".  To me you were something that there are simply no words for.  I wish that I could find them, however they would just not do you justice.

 

I love you and miss you more than I can possible express Bubba Girl.