Day 26 - A slight change in plans

Our days are now numbered in the USA and this time next week we will be at home. It seems so strange. The time has gone by so quick but it seems like months since we left. We are both ready to come home I think. We have had enough of living out of a suitcase and just want our own bed. We have decided that we are going to head back to the West Coast so that we can spend our last couple of days shopping and so that we can avoid any chance of being snowed in.

With today’s blog, I might just put some dot points of things that come to my head about our trip or America in general. It might not make any sense what so ever, but I feel like doing it that way.  This will be in no particular order.

• American coffee tastes like paint stripper laced with mud. Get with the program people! This is critical!

• Non-dairy creamer should be illegal. It tastes like liquid paper laced with squashed worms. Or....what I imagine liquid paper and squashed worms to taste like.

• Cheese should be a welcoming shade of yellow – not the colour of a bad fake tan.

• Skinny jeans or long bike pants, boots, and cropped jackets are the go in the USA at present. Everyone that wants to be noticed is wearing these.

• Large bike pants, long t-shirt and joggers are poor substitutes in relation to the above dress code and the wearer is more likely to be noticed for the wrong reasons.

• If the above mentioned fat clothes do not get one noticed...and you really want to get noticed.....try making a dick of yourself in public although that is not guaranteed to work in America.

• Buffalo wings, burgers, quesadillas, orange cheese and pretzels are the American staples. If you are going to the USA make sure you book in an angioplasty for when you return.

• Never...and I mean never.....take a ride in a New York taxi. Walk, crawl, swim, fake a heart attack and get an ambulance.....anything other than taking the taxi.

• Hershey chocolate bars are actually quite disgusting!

• Thanksgiving is just another reason for a piss up! I do like the idea in principal though.

• Never try to remove your underwear whilst keeping your trousers on whilst sitting on an automatically flushing loo.

• Never pick up anything off the toilet floor whilst sitting on an automatically flushing loo.

• Make sure you know you are on an automatically flushing loo before you bend around to try to flush it.

• Make sure you are on an automatically flushing loo before doing your business and just walking away and thinking that the loo will take care of it.

• I love grits. It might resemble and taste like baby food but hey...I dig it!

• Wal-Mart totally rocks!

• S’mores are only available in summer here. WTF??

• Cars don’t necessarily need a bonnet, bumper bar, or even a steering wheel in this country. As long as you have a horn you are king of the road apparently!

• Honk your horn long and loud. You don’t need a reason...just do it!

• Under no circumstances use an indicator. To let another driver know which direction you want to go in just doesn’t bare thinking about.

• Fish tacos. What the???

• No...I am not British. Say it again and I will smack you over the head with a Murray River Cod.

• No...we do not want to open a window on the 45th floor of a building to get fresh air just because you choose to turn off the air-conditioning for the whole of the cold season. Bungee jumping into a river of rattlesnakes might sound like a good idea too but that does not mean I am going to go ahead and do it!

• Who the hell turns off the air-conditioning for the duration of the winter months??

• Who the hell makes a building where you can open the window (without any safety barrier) on the 45th floor?

• Who...are you. Who, who...who, who.

• Palm trees CAN look like angry men!

• Gene Simmons seriously has a sexy......front gate.

• Cosmetics are a third of the price here. A good reason to buy it even if you do not wear it.

• Finally fat racks that attempt to make the larger lady look good. We still might look like Aardvarks in drag....but hey at least you try.

• What the hell is that smell????

• Put up the price of cigarettes Mr President. It’s no wonder that 9 out of 10 people smoke!

• As a matter of fact, stop people smoking in public places too!

• While I am thinking about it please introduce meat pies and sausage rolls to America!

• Also Mr President could you please state that you would like Charlie Sheen back on Two and a Half Men? Your word might just carry some weight.

• Walgreens, Wal-Mart and Sonic should all open up in Australia.

• What is it with the taxes here? Just add a GST so we know what we are paying upfront.

• No you don’t deserve a tip but I will give you one so that you don’t spit in my drink.

• Why do donkeys need less water than horses? Are they part camel?

• The ice-cream here is pretty damned good!

• What time is it at home?

Day 25 - :-(

***Rest in Peace - Larry Hagman - who died tonight here tonight at the age of 81***

Larry Hagman was the very first actor that I remember being obsessed with having falling in love with Major Anthony Nelson at the ripe old age of 6 or 7.  I have always continued to consider him to be one of the most handsome men in the world despite not being a fan of the way he conducted his life.  He was the first man other than my Father and Grandad to make me laugh.

Day 24 - Our near death experience! Bloody New York Cabs!

Well there are really no words to describe today. I can try to....but I really think it would be a hopeless effort.

We received a wakeup call at 3.30 am at our hotel in Memphis. We had to leave for the airport at 4 am as we had to check in by 4.30. Having only had about 2 minutes sleep (thanks to the midnight train, the 12.05am, 12.10am, 12.15am etc....and especially the 1am train - which blew its horn so loudly and without warning TWICE that my arse nearly ended up over my ears) I was fairly eager just to get to New York so that I could sleep.

On the drive to the airport the freeways were still busy....no doubt due to it being Thanksgiving. Fortunately it was a relatively easy run, and we made it to the Hertz office before catching the subsequent shuttle to the airport in good time. We were having another two step journey – the first to Atlanta....and the second to New York.

Whilst we were bleary eyed, the officers at security were bright eyed and bushy tailed (which was absolutely disgusting) and greeted us with a smile. Remembering our horrendous experience at Albuquerque where we nearly missed the flight and had a number of our toiletries confiscated, I was a little apprehensive (ok...I was shitting myself) but remembered we went through everything the night before. We were fine.  So....shoes off, bags of liquids out, mobile etc out....through the nudey x-ray machine.  However I wasn’t able to go any further because the Bear had some bloke touching him up.  Just my luck....he was getting a frisk search when I had been begging for one at every opportunity.  I watched with interest as the Bear was made to take off his belt, and the officer ran his fingers on the inside of his jeans.  I was just about to make a joke to lighten up the situation, when another lady asked if one of the suitcases was mine.  Yes it was thank you very ta! She advised that she needed to inspect it. FFS!!!!! One officer had his hands in my husband’s pants, and some lady wanted to go through my knickers! So much for early morning peace and quiet – we had ended up in an orgy! The lady went through the bag and swabbed it for drugs....and as it turns out.....we didn’t have any!  No shit Sherlock!  Apparently the items that we had in there to declare at Australian Customs when we get home appeared to be suss. Yeah right.  Not. We just had perverted security officers.

The next couple of hours went by without incident....until we were making our decent into Atlanta Airport.  Because Atlanta is the main hub throughout America there are countless flights coming in and out without a break during the day. That means that we were lined up behind several flights that were landing, and we would have had just as many behind us. Descending into Atlanta on a beautiful day without a breath of wind should have been uneventful.....but without warning we had a sudden drop of one wing followed by the other (sort of in a rolling manner) as well as the feeling of dropping.  The plane seemed to be completely unbalanced which is something I had never experienced before.  This was not turbulence.  As I shit pink pigs....I looked at the Bear and asked if this was normal? Of course I expected him to lie just to pacify me.  He paused (never a good sign) before saying that it was not "abnormal"....and he thought it was caused by “wake turbulence” caused by the plane in front.  In any case we landed safely and we disembarked in order to catch the next flight.

You might remember that I said that Atlanta Airport is absolutely HUGE.  Just massive....and you need to take an underground train to get to other terminals if required.  This was again required by us so we caught the train in order to get across to terminal number 1543 (by the way, did you know that 120% of Americans exaggerate?) and the next flight.  I took this opportunity to visit the ladies room – where I heard an African/American woman in one stall trying to encourage her little girl to do a “pee-pee” in the next. I wasn't used to hearing such loud encouragement and I hoped that the little girl managed to achieve this.  I nearly broke out into applause when she did.  I watched as the lady came out of her cubicle with the back of her cardigan stuffed down the back of her tracksuit pants. I saw her husband look at it, roll his eyes and then fail to inform the woman about it...so I followed suit.

Catching the next flight to New York was a little more interesting. The flight deck was bustling with the sound of feminine chatter. Yes....Lyndon and Adam were going to be our stewards today - they had stepped straight out of the “Fast Forward” set (the gay flight attendants – not that there’s anything wrong with that) and were ready to take on the world. A man approached Lyndon and asked where he could put his carry-on luggage as the overheads were full.  Lyndon squealed excitedly and said (prancing around like a fairy) “Ooooooowweeeeh! Let me find a little space for you!”. A little space. Yes I am sure he could. Adam (who was poorly dressed but clearly tried to tidy himself up for Lyndon) winked with a smile. Good grief.

The flight was relatively without incident – the exception being when the woman across the aisle could not negotiate her boot heels (therefore resembling a beaver with vertigo), and took a tumble into her husband’s Bloody Mary in a less than graceful manner. Lyndon was onto it straight away.....and came running with butt cheeks tight with a tin of soda water and a large pile of napkins. The Bear also copped some of the Bloody Mary however Lyndon only had eyes for the beaver’s husband.

Descending into LaGuardia the Bear and I were overwhelmed with what we saw. The sheer size of New York City and especially the Manhattan Skyline was beyond belief. Lady Liberty sat in the middle of the Hudson River in solitude. I have no idea why I thought she might have been closer to shore. The Brooklyn Bridge, The Empire State Building etc – places that I had only ever dreamed about ever seeing lay right before my eyes. Just amazing. Just insane. We landed safely, retrieved our bags and set outside to catch a taxi. I thought it would be cooler outside however I had sweat running down my back and the beginnings of a headache. I was very relieved that we would soon be at our hotel. My God – how little did I know.....?

Our cab driver was an aging Asian and less than talkative. The cab had panels of perspex between us and the driver and it was very hard to communicate with him. I set our video recorder to record as I wanted to tape our first moments in the “Big Apple”.  Bloody hell and suck me sideways – what a freaking nightmare. The Asian dropped his foot on the accelerator and we were thrown back into our seats. I had no idea that it was possible to hit 100 kph in 10 seconds with only 20 metres of room. The Asian was off and running going absolutely flat out on the Long Island Express Way. And I mean FLAT OUT.  The road was actually worse than the goat track that we call the Warrego Highway so every bump in the road was felt through every one of our vertebra when our hips hit our ears. This cab had no suspension, apparently no indicators, and obviously no damned brakes!  I think it might have been around the same time that my spleen was ruptured when I looked at the Bear and he appeared to have his head lowered in prayer. Yep....we were going to die today.

I turned the video recorder around to leave a message for my Mum, when we hit another canyon in the road.  I smacked myself in the scone with it and immediately wondered what my description would be when claiming the damage through our insurance.   My right boob was flung over my left shoulder and I am sure I chipped a tooth on the door handle.  I let out an appropriate expletive and then realised that my Mother would no longer be able to view this message.  I took this opportunity to let my hair down and let loose with an absolute gutter roll of the worst possible language...and thanked the universe for me having the common sense to update my will before I left Australia.  I again looked across at the Bear who apparently was finding the time to invent a new yoga pose....although as it turns out he just landed with his left foot in his mouth after hitting the last bump.  Little did I know there was worse to come. You know, for an intelligent person I can sometimes be so damned stupid. Manhattan is an island – which means to get there we had to go over the water, or under it. It was becoming increasingly obvious that we were going to have to go under it – and with my fear of tunnels....I dead set lost my shit.

Fortunately in the tunnel the cab driver was unable to change lanes as there was a divider in between the lanes. Instead he tail gated the person in front and drove in a “roo-like” fashion....jerking.....jerking. Once out the other side he resumed his driving-like-a-blind-man-backwards and we again were treated to the ride from hell – except we were now being enveloped by the extraordinarily high buildings. This seemed to make it all the more scary if that were possible.  Lucky for us the Thanksgiving Day Parades caused a lot of the streets to be closed off and we entered the world’s worst traffic jam. 6 000 000 little yellow taxis were trying to bully their way into the few lanes that were open and the sounds of horns became deafening.  It was grid lock in a way that I never thought possible and I was convinced we were on the set of a movie.  The cab driver tried to make a right hand turn up one of the streets that had been blocked off however was stopped by a NYPD Officer. The cab driver was told he needed to drive straight ahead. He didn’t take to this kindly and tried to take the officer on.  I momentarily forgot my now very broken bones and brain damage, and looked forward to appearing on an episode of COPS.  I realised I hadn’t checked the Bears pulse for a few kilometres – the fright of this ride would have been enough to cause a heart attack – however he was ok. He was a colour that had yet to be named, but he was ok. I checked my own pulse just in case I had actually died and had landed in Hades...but alas I was very much alive.  The cab driver planted his foot again to show his lack of appreciation to the police officers. How he didn’t end up with the cab in the back seat of the vehicle in front is completely beyond me because I am sure I could smell its drivers breath.   I also had pictures of the three of us sitting in a jail cell "Seinfeld" style.

 The very irate cab driver called back and said “Why you want to come to dis cwaaaazy city? No-one comes to dis cwaaaazy city on fanks giving!”. The Bear politely told him that we do not celebrate this holiday in Australia so we are not to know. The cab driver said “you got too much damned suitcases! If you don’t have dat you can walk!”. The Bear again politely advised that we had just flown in (which I would have thought was apparent given that we had been picked up from the airport. The cab driver seemed to forget this) and that’s what you get when you do that. With that....the cab driver rifles around in a plastic bag that he had on his seat, and takes out a banana. As if my tummy wasn’t wrapped around my backbone as it was, the taxi was suddenly filled with the smell of banana. I was still taping at this stage, but had to turn the recorder off as I covered my face with my jumper to stifle the dry retching.

At every opportunity this dude slammed his foot down, and threw the cab around. He broke every rule in the book when it came to his driving, including not giving way to a pedestrian on a crossing. Having missed her by a coat of paint, she stopped and stuck her head near the window and completely lost it at him (and I certainly don’t blame her). His response? “FOK YOU!!” before slamming his foot back down forcing my nose through the back of my head. I looked across that the Bear who was now grinning....or perhaps he had just suffered a stroke.  I was preparing to make a deal with the driver, with the intent of offering a decent tip if we got to the hotel alive, when he just started muttering “FOK! FOK! FOK!”.  I shut up and started crying for my Mummy.

I could go on and on.  This cab ride lasted forever, cost a fortune, damaged my kidneys not to mention a whole lot more, but we eventually made it to the hotel alive. I is absolutely beyond me how. I am left wondering how we will get to places in New York whilst refusing to ever take a taxi again!

Days 22 and 23 - Graceland!

Days 22 and 23. I couldn’t post yesterday because this website was down!

Okies...so we left New Orleans yesterday morning and headed for Memphis, Tennessee. This meant a day’s driving, as well as leaving Louisiana, driving fully up the state of Mississippi and into Tennessee. The Bear picked up another rental vehicle which we had booked to drive there – and this time we were supplied with a Chevrolet – a massive white SUV. Now this vehicle came with a GPS – not that the Bear or I knew how to use. However we figured we may as well use the facility. Several pushes of its buttons later....and we were on our way.

It took us approximately four and a half seconds to get lost and wanting to throw the GPS fair out the window. Fortunately my husband has a good sense of direction (I am completely lost in this country because I don’t know the damned postcodes) and we were back on track. The Bear considers himself to be a walking GPS. A good three or four minutes later rather than find ourselves on a freeway out of town.....we were in a little suburb which was made up of mausoleums. Now whilst this might have provided the Bear with a great deal of frustration, I felt this presented me with a number of unexpected photo opportunities and began to snap away at the crypts. Seriously, this was a suburb of cemeteries and obviously people were dying to get in *boom boom*.

Each cemetery had a nice little entrance with the graveyards name on it....and some sort of feature. The first one that I saw....featured a nice fountain. An excellent idea. A mausoleum with a nice double decker fountain. I wondered which one of the residents was going to enjoy this. Or perhaps it was a very large bird bath? For a pterodactyl?

The next mausoleum was found to have a large statue at its entrance. I felt this was more appropriate not that my appropriateness metre was really running at this point. In fact it was quite the opposite and I resisted the urge to ask the Bear to go back for another look so that I could see if the statue was naked.

The next mausoleum that we passed seemed to be quite a wealthy one – or should I say that the residents obviously had a few dollars behind them – because their forever homes were quite grand. I wondered what interesting ornament would feature at these early gates. A large dollar sign? A wad of cash? Another bird bath or fountain perhaps? Nope. It was a very large stag (male deer). My non-appropriateness got started off with suggestions surrounding “horns”. Enough said. All the while, the Bear is swearing his head off at the GPS....but the walking GPS got us back on track.

Two and a half minutes later we somehow entered a shopping mall....when we were supposed to re-enter a freeway. I would just like to take this opportunity to thank my husband for an awesome scenic tour of New Orleans suburbia. (Seriously – if it had have been me driving we would have ended up in the potato fields of Idaho).

At last we were on the right track and had the awesome opportunity to drive over the World’s longest bridge (over water). This dead straight bridge is 40 kilometres long and is a masterpiece. To try to figure out how they managed to build this did my head in. There is a toll to be paid when heading southbound on the bridge. Fortunately we were headed north.

We really didn’t spend too much longer in Louisiana and we were soon in the state of

Mississippi. Now this is truly beautiful state. Louisiana is gorgeous but Mississippi is something else. The country-side is a cross between alpine and deep south. Amid the beautiful fir and pine trees, there were little cabins that you might see in the movies on the bayous....with an African/American sitting out the front on his rocker. The leaves on the trees are every shade of autumn/fall and I can see where the Americans get their colour schemes for Thanksgiving.

As we were driving I became overwhelmingly tired following becoming sick earlier that morning. I could not prevent myself falling asleep although I did not want to. By lunchtime the Bear needed to pull over into a gas station, as he too needed a kip. Later in the afternoon I again struggled to remain awake however the Bear woke me up prior to reaching the next border given that he knows I am taking photos of these milestones. We finally came to the Tennessee border and with that we were also in Memphis. The landscape immediately changed.

Memphis was nothing like I had imagined. No...I have no clue what I imagined, but I knew that this wasn’t it. I found that it was quite ugly and had no personality like the other cities or states we had been to. It is unassuming and quite plain. The freeway was littered with trash, the houses non-eventful, and the street corners are boring. In every other city we have been to, there is a CVS (large Chemist chain) on every corner, or a Walgreens (also a chemist but with a few groceries), or a large line of take away stores. Memphis doesn’t have this. I could have been in Brisbane for all I knew. However I knew Graceland was here so knew there was more to this city than it appeared.

This morning we headed off to Graceland early with the intention of having breakfast there. Again I was surprised by Elvis Presley Boulevard as it was nothing like I had imagined. It is a large main road which is very busy, and contains a number of run down businesses. There were homeless men begging for money – it was just ghastly given that it has a major tourist attraction (I sooooo hate using that term for Graceland). However once you actually get to Graceland, everything changes. On one side of the road you have the commercial side of things – the souvenir shops, eating areas and where you pick up the shuttle to go across to the mansion (you can’t just walk up there yourself) etc. It is also where Elvis’ planes and cars are housed, as well as a number of memorabilia items.

We went in and purchased our tickets before going and having a bite to eat. Again we encountered those that could not understand our accent however I am none the wiser as to why. Following this we went out to wait for a shuttle to take us across to the mansion. When you line up to get this, your photo is taken with a picture of the gates to Graceland. These photos are to be ready by the time you get back from across the road (the mansion). I find this concept interesting and an amazing revenue raising activity by the Americans. They do this absolutely where ever possible. Going to Alcatraz? *Snap* Now there is a souvenir you can’t refuse. Going on a paddle steamer? *Snap* Shit they got us again. Thank you for the unplanned souvenir. Going to Graceland? *Snap* You really would have thought we would have learned by now. Yes please...another souvenir. Going to the rest rooms? *Snap* Yep another souvenir of where you spent a penny. exaggeration maybe....but I am not too far off the mark.

Going up to the mansion was something I wasn’t quite prepared for. It was a total contrast to the commercial activity across the road – it was a quiet and extra-ordinarily beautiful residence. It was much smaller than I had imagined, and the estate was as well. It is not small by any stretch of the imagination however it was not humungous like I had expected. The house and grounds have been done up for Christmas and this added to its charm. When going to Graceland you wear a headset and listen to an audio tape explaining rooms, outer buildings, and items that are there. It was very easy to imagine Elvis being here and it seemed to make him more human. The things you learn about the man whilst you are there is very surprising. He was a very, very generous person who worked very hard at doing what he loved. He was passionate about his family and his privacy, and he was extraordinarily talented. He made a HUGE contribution to the music world and changed the lives and career pathways of many. However I still do not believe that he died 16 August 1977 and am still very much a supporter of the conspiracy theory....consider me mad if you must.

Once we got back across the road, we visited the museums and subsequently the attached souvenir shops to each one of them. I find the commercial side of “Elvis – The Business” quite awful and along with the Bear wondered what he would think of all this rot now.

Following this we headed to Sun Studios where Elvis first went to record a song for his mothers birthday. Fortunately a receptionist who was on the day that he went there, kept a copy of the song he recorded and played it for the owner of the recording studio. Unfortunately the owner was not interested, and it was a year before Elvis was contacted and asked to come in and record another song to see how it would be received on the air. The rest, as they say, is history. We did a tour of Sun and had the most awesome tour guide who was an enthusiastic man who clearly loved the music industry and its history. We heard original recordings of people such as Johnny Cash and Jerry Lee Lewis – just a couple of names of people who went there with a dream and became superstars. It was just awesome!

We then went for a quick drive over the next border to the state of Arkansas. Why? Because we could! Strangely once we crossed the border the scenery changed again and seemed appropriate for Arkansas – big fields of.....grass.

Visiting Beale Street was one of Alyx’s requests on the “to-do” list. This is Memphis’ Bourbon Street – a high activity location where jazz is prominent. I absolutely loved it. It was very similar to Bourbon Street in New Orleans however was more open, cleaner, and more inviting. It was also very handy to The Peabody Hotel where we could witness “The Peabody Ducks” to their second march of the day. At 11am every day, the Peabody Ducks come down from their home in them, via an elevator, to take up residence in a fountain in the middle of the hotel for the day. At 5pm they return up the elevator and back to their home. It is a long held tradition with the hotel – there is a lengthy story to it however I simply do not have the time to go into it now. There were several hundred people at this viewing of the ducks and although we were quite a long way back, still got to see them do their thing. They were just awesome.

Now I have to be up in four hours, to catch a flight to New York....so I am heading to bed. Each day is more filled than the last and my time is very scarce. My blogs are becoming boring reads! As we are going on two flights again tomorrow, I am sure I will have plenty of material tomorrow night. So.....see you in New York

Days 19, 20 and 21 - Planes, Trains and Automobiles (and a boat)

I haven’t posted in a couple of days because we have been that darned busy!  I will just do a quickie blog so that you know I haven't died.

Two days ago we flew several hundred miles over two different flights in order to get to New Orleans. Leaving Albuquerque we managed to get ourselves an extra period of time at security and had a number of toiletries confiscated. Long story. Having been held up at security (where I might add that no-one took the offer up to frisk me....but they did score a nude photo at one of those x-ray thingies) we had to step up the pace to make our flight which was boarding. I take approximately 10 leaps to one of the Bears single steps so felt like I had run a marathon by the time we got to the plane. The Claytons plane. The plane you have when you’re not having a plane.

Do you know those cars you see at the circus? The one that looks like a Mini Minor but seems to fit 153 clowns in it? Well that was this plane. In lieu of the safety demonstration that the flight attendants show at the beginning of each flight, they taught origami so that you could fold yourself into a shadow in order to fit in the seat. There appeared to be three flight attendants - the first one I am sure witnessed the birth of Jesus himself. The second just looked like an angry pancake. The third was very similar to the flight attendant from “Meet the Fockers” and was the most personable of the three. The first flight was from Albuquerque to Atlanta –  3 painful hours. The Bear and I were proud of ourselves on being able to strike a pose and hold it for the entire flight. We couldn’t breathe in or out or move just in case we spilled out into the aisle...we just had our tongues poking out so that the flight attendant could throw some water on them when she shuffled passed.

The entire time we were in flight, a Latino lass behind me kept kicking the absolute shit out of my chair and sounded remarkably like a hyena. Not that I could blame her.....her partner sounded like Donald Duck. There was no television or music in flight either.... so listening to the hyena and Mr Duck was a little bit of light entertainment.  The fellow sitting across from them looked as though he had stuck his head out of the plane for a while. If I could have unravelled my arms (they had been folded into an origami giraffe) I would have applauded whoever manufactured the product that was in his hair.  I do have a sneaking suspicion that it is by the same company that makes Viagra.

Once we landed in Atlanta I was able to remove my right foot from my left ear and my left foot from the roof and re-establish the blood flow to my legs. We went up into the terminal so that we could figure out where we had to pick up our connecting flight. Given that this airport was larger than the state of Queensland this was no easy feat. Even the Bear said he had never seen such a large airport. It is one of the main hubs in the United States and was ridiculously busy. As it turned out we had to board our connect flight in terminal 19. We had landed at terminal 13. We couldn’t even see terminal 19 let alone get to it. Lucky for us there were trains that ran underground between the terminals so we boarded that. Heading into terminal 19 we were able to get something to eat and drink and wait for that next flight.

Fortunately the next flight was not full so the Bear moved across one seat so that we had room to breathe. Finally at 9pm we arrived in New Orleans. We had flown over places that I had only heard about in songs.....Amarillo, Birmingham, Alabama and more. We caught a taxi in order to get into our motel – this being our first taxi experience since arriving in the U.S. The trip into the city was a blur, but given that our faces froze having experienced 10 “g’s” as the cab cruised (?????) along the highway, we could be forgiven for thinking that we were in fact on the set of “The Fast and the Furious”.  Once at the hotel, the Bear went in search of a baggage trolley whilst I stayed out in the street with the luggage.  I sincerely feel that I was privileged to have experienced the "real" side of New Orleans in my first 5 minutes there....even if it did mean that I pulled a toenail backwards in an attempt to make sure that one piece of luggage wasn't stolen by a passing vagrant.   It should have occurred to me that he wouldn't have stolen the suitcase as his stench (which would have outlasted religion) would have penetrated everything and it would have had him easily identified to the police.  There cant be too many people that smell like year old tuna. 

This leads me to right now. We have spent two wonderful days in New Orleans and will be driving to Memphis tomorrow. We have seen Bourbon Street, listened to Jazz, watched street performers, been to the French Quarter more than once, and have spent the afternoon on a paddle steamer. We have jammed more into the last couple of days than we could have thought possible. New Orleans, like every other city we have been to, has a personality of its own.  This is seriously a unique town that is exactly like I pictured it would be - right down to the last African/American. It is great.

Tomorrow I will make sure that I do a proper blog from Memphis!

Day 18 - I miss my babies

Well we are packing our stuff to catch the first of our flights within the country tomorrow. We will say goodbye to the trusty Ford Escape that has taken us on our journey thus far and will fly to New Orleans. This will make for a very long day as we will fly to Atlanta first (2 hours ahead of New Mexico), stop on the ground for a couple of hours, and then fly on to New Orleans (1 hour behind Atlanta, or an hour in front of New Mexico). We will arrive there around 9.30pm Saturday night (US time) at which point I won't have a clue which day of the week it is.  And.... just when I am getting used to the Mexican accent, we will now also throw French into the mix.

Today the Bear took me for a drive around Albuquerque and showed me where he was stationed on the Kirtland US Air force Base. That truly blows my mind. We also visited “Old Town Albuquerque” which is an old town square that was founded in 1793. There were a lot of the Mexican locals who line the streets to sell their wares as well as a number of craft and souvenir shops. I thoroughly enjoyed poking around there although I will add that listening to Christmas Carols with a Mexican accent was entertaining. “Siiillllllrint nyyyyte. Haaaaawwry nyyyyte”. We visited the Candy Store which sold sweets that had me think of home. (“Green Boogers” made me think of Nic). Across from this was a beautiful old convent which I was tempted to enter and place a request to join the sisterhood.

The souvenir shops are filled with Mexican mats and sombreros as well as a lot of pottery. More than this however is the religious content. There are crosses and churches, and more versions of the baby Jesus than there are hairs on my head. Both Albuquerque and Santa Fe have a deeply religious culture and don’t mind celebrating their faith by creating replicas of their lord. I do scratch my head however and wonder why it looks as though they are taking the complete and utter mickey out of him. I do not have a religious bone in my body however even I know that Jesus didn’t look like a cross-dressing "Iron Man". Another Jesus looked like he had suffered stroke but that was nothing compared to the one which looked like a blow up doll doing gymnastics on crack. I thought momentarily these were jokes, or had been made by the local kindergarten however no – this was expression by the devout community. This was a shame because I was primed to grab some clay and make my own contribution. Given that it is legal to carry guns in this town though it was probably a good idea that I didn’t.

Also today we dropped into “Avenue” which is one lot of fat-racks clothing in America. I love the fact that their pants and trousers have three different size classes - Petite, Average and Tall.  The jeans and trousers that I can purchase from this store are in the "petite" range.  As far as I am concerned that is like putting chocolate cake on spaghetti...but hey...I will grab it where I can.  "Petite" means short/stout/ducks disease....and this makes their pants just simply awesome!  I had made a few purchases at the store in Las Vegas and they had emailed me to inform me of their “40% off sweaters and boots” sale. Every other chubby store I have ever been to in Australia or the U.S I have found that the staff are of a similar build who can wear the product that they are selling. I have always found that this has been great because they experience firsthand the issues of being a larger person. I was very surprised to find that the sales person in this store was a tall, very thin, African/American man. This being said he was absolutely great!

I am amazed at the colour of the sky here in New Mexico. It is bluer than the North Queensland sky on a spring morning. I would have expected it to be choked with smog like L.A is...but no. The clouds seem to be painted on the sky with water colours – yet I can’t seem to capture this with a photograph. I don’t know if it is an optical illusion with the towering, brown mountains that surround the city, or whether it is simply the stark contrast to the desert. Whatever the case, it is very pretty and is totally unexpected.

What was also unexpected this morning was seeing two miniature dachshunds that are staying here at the same hotel. It is legal in the United States to have pets at certain motels although it does come at a cost - $75 a day. The Bear and I were walking down toward the reception area to have breakfast which is included in our stay. The Bear realised he forgot to leave a tip for the housemaid so ran back to our room to do so. I waited outside on a pathway. I saw a man walking towards me – he had a mini long haired black and tan (who was leading the way I might add) and a mini short head red (who wanted to run amok). He was a fair way off but I didn’t hesitate to start walking in his direction, and that turned into a half desperate run. He turned off toward his own room, so I sort of *cough* gave chase. The man and his dogs (who the Bear came across as he was coming back from our own room) disappeared into their room just as I had nearly caught up to them. I stood there with tears in my eyes (I am such a sook) and was tempted to go and knock on this man’s door to request a cuddle with his dogs. I refrained but stood there missing my “Bubba-Girl” (Ella) and “Boyz” (Schultz) even more than I am already. In the past 48 hours, I have thought I heard Schultz bark in a street in Santa Fe; thought I heard Ella growl in our motel room; and thought I felt Schultz nudging my leg (as he likes to do when he is “directing” me). I think I am hallucinating. God I miss my babies.

Speaking of dogs, when we were in a “Five and Dime” in Santa Fe I saw some dog bones for sale. They were from deer antlers and I was mortified. I know that we eat cows and chooks but in this country they hunt just for fun. In Colorado I saw many signs that said “Hunters Welcome”. There they hunt Moose and Deer. Having now seen deer in the wild and been close enough to look into their big brown eyes (I kid you not...it’s just like looking at my Bubba-girl) I have no idea how they can hunt just for fun. In Albuquerque this weekend they also have the “Great Coyote Hunt”. I haven’t seen coyotes in the wild but I do know they are just like dogs and it breaks my heart to see them being hunted. We have also just found out that the Prarie Dog population near Albuquerque Airport was poisoned by the council recently because the Federal Aviation Administration didn't want wildlife near the airport.    If I spend too much time here I suspect that I would become a vegan!

Bring on New Orleans!

Day 17 - Wild Hogs!

What an interesting start to our day. I was getting changed so that we could check out of our hotel, find somewhere to have breakfast, and then head to Albuquerque (which I have finally learned to spell without asking). It was 8.15am and we heard a tap on the door to our hotel room. Oh my God....it was the Mexican Maid coming to make up the room WAY too early.

“Haaarooooo” she said. The Bear sprang towards the door (as I tried to adopt the crash position) in an effort to prevent her from coming in....with a resounding “NO!!”. We heard the key turn in the lock before she finished her “haaaroooo” and with that she copped an eyeful of my stark naked (and yes....utterly gorgeous) body. As the Mexican Maid tried to cover her now burning eyes...she uttered “howse keeeeeepin” before the Bear sent her away. With that I quickly dressed and we left the hotel to try to find some breakfast.

Some of the things I have learned since arriving in America:

• Everything has cheese on it.

• Everything tastes like shit

• The coffee tastes like paint stripper

• Unless you like Mexican for breakfast, you are fairly screwed.

We headed into downtown Santa Fe to look for somewhere reasonable to have breakfast. We found some cafes that gave us the choice of Mexican, Mexican, or Mexican. We thought about this long and hard, and after some pretty fairly heavy discussion the Bear and I decided we would have Mexican. I just hoped that I could find something on the menu that would not leave me with flames leaping out of my behind....again. We chose to enter “Pasquals” having incorrectly read their menu outside. The menu on the inside was completely different to that outside. It turns out....the menu outside belonged to the place next door. On THAT menu we could have had granola along with our Mexican. At “Pasquals” we could just have Mexican. On a brighter note, this cafe served only organic food.

As we had already ordered a coffee at “Pasquals” we couldn’t exactly leave to go next door so opted to stay. I scanned the menu carefully to see what I could order that would be gentle on my delicate behind. A cheese and avocado quesadilla it was. The Bear decided he would have “Pasquals Special” which was whole wheat pancakes, eggs and sausage links (sausage links is what the Americans/Mexicans call more than 1 small sausage....go figure). We sat back to soak in the New Mexican ambience whilst listening to the Three Amigos doing Boney M.

I have only ordered 1 coffee since being in the United States (in addition to the acid that they try to force on you at breakfast) and it was placed in the bin very shortly after recovering from my first sip. However the server at “Pasquals” offered us a cappuccino and this sounded appealing. I have been beyond desperate for a decent cup of coffee and figured I would give the Mexicans another chance. The cappuccino’s arrived without delay....in what can only be described as a bucket. No handle and large enough to only just place both hands around it. It was huge. I looked across at the Bear with a look that said “Are they trying to kill us?”. I watched him as he sipped it, thought about it for a few seconds, and nodded his approval. He stated that it wasn’t that bad. I have been caught by this misguidance before, so cautiously took a sip. Nope...it still tasted like paint stripper...however it was paint stripper that I could at least stomach.

Our breakfast arrived – my quesadilla was actually quite nice. The Bears breakfast looked ok too with the exception of the sausage links (which resembled something of Schultz’s that we to would find in our back yard) and he said it tasted ok too. So....breakfast with tolerable paint stripper and reasonable food = a success! With that we were on our way to Madrid.

When the movie “Wild Hogs” came out, I passed comment on Madrid (pronounced Maydrid) where a lot of the movie was filmed. It looked like a cute, country town. The Bear stated that he had actually been to Madrid which was in New Mexico, not far from where he lived in Albuquerque. So...on this trip we decided to take a detour when travelling from Santa Fe to Albuquerque and go through Madrid. It didn’t add too much time to our days travelling. I was surprised that the cute, country town was in fact a dry, desert town which had initially been reduced to a ghost town before some community members made their best efforts to (successfully) revive it. The movie being shot in the town gave it the additional boost that it needed. We were both surprised however to come across the diner that featured prominently in the movie – and was not a diner at all. It was an old house done up only for the movie and was now serving as a tourist attraction. We were extremely stoked to have seen it and been inside it though. The detour via Madrid was well worth the effort and I would love to go back there.

The New Mexico desert is different to that which I had seen through the other states. This one looked more harsh than the Mojave Desert and I could understand why the movie was set there. As we got closer to Albuquerque the Bear again expressed his wish for me to see the view from the top of Sandia Peak – the crest of a mountain that towers over Albuquerque and is over 11000 above sea level. Albuquerque is around 6000 above so this was going to be a great deal higher than we were already at. As everyone knows, I have an extreme fear of travelling on steep, winding roads following an accident in 1988 however there is no time like the present to overcome a fear. The drive to the summit was 14 miles and was on a reasonably good road. I was concerned that the snow would make the road slippery however it also didn’t seem too bad. Unfortunately I had little interest in enjoying the scenery as I was feeling as though someone was standing on my chest.  I didn’t like that at all. I had developed a wheeze over the last couple of days which I was a little worried about - and it was interfering with my breathing. I assume this has been the result of me not taking one of my medications as we have been travelling. The pressure of driving up the steep hill just made it more obvious.

At the summit I really, REALLY struggled to breathe. I was seeing black spots, felt sick and one of my nostrils started bleeding. We took a couple of quick photos before making our way back down stopping only to photograph a herd of deer that were close to the road - until an Asian woman stopped and started running at them like an absolute moron.  If I had have been able to stop and slap that woman silly...I would have done it in a heart beat. 

With that we continued our trip to Albuquerque where the Bear has been able to share his memories of when he lived and studied here. I really look forward to having a look around this city!