Days 22 and 23 - Graceland!

Days 22 and 23. I couldn’t post yesterday because this website was down!

Okies...so we left New Orleans yesterday morning and headed for Memphis, Tennessee. This meant a day’s driving, as well as leaving Louisiana, driving fully up the state of Mississippi and into Tennessee. The Bear picked up another rental vehicle which we had booked to drive there – and this time we were supplied with a Chevrolet – a massive white SUV. Now this vehicle came with a GPS – not that the Bear or I knew how to use. However we figured we may as well use the facility. Several pushes of its buttons later....and we were on our way.

It took us approximately four and a half seconds to get lost and wanting to throw the GPS fair out the window. Fortunately my husband has a good sense of direction (I am completely lost in this country because I don’t know the damned postcodes) and we were back on track. The Bear considers himself to be a walking GPS. A good three or four minutes later rather than find ourselves on a freeway out of town.....we were in a little suburb which was made up of mausoleums. Now whilst this might have provided the Bear with a great deal of frustration, I felt this presented me with a number of unexpected photo opportunities and began to snap away at the crypts. Seriously, this was a suburb of cemeteries and obviously people were dying to get in *boom boom*.

Each cemetery had a nice little entrance with the graveyards name on it....and some sort of feature. The first one that I saw....featured a nice fountain. An excellent idea. A mausoleum with a nice double decker fountain. I wondered which one of the residents was going to enjoy this. Or perhaps it was a very large bird bath? For a pterodactyl?

The next mausoleum was found to have a large statue at its entrance. I felt this was more appropriate not that my appropriateness metre was really running at this point. In fact it was quite the opposite and I resisted the urge to ask the Bear to go back for another look so that I could see if the statue was naked.

The next mausoleum that we passed seemed to be quite a wealthy one – or should I say that the residents obviously had a few dollars behind them – because their forever homes were quite grand. I wondered what interesting ornament would feature at these early gates. A large dollar sign? A wad of cash? Another bird bath or fountain perhaps? Nope. It was a very large stag (male deer). My non-appropriateness got started off with suggestions surrounding “horns”. Enough said. All the while, the Bear is swearing his head off at the GPS....but the walking GPS got us back on track.

Two and a half minutes later we somehow entered a shopping mall....when we were supposed to re-enter a freeway. I would just like to take this opportunity to thank my husband for an awesome scenic tour of New Orleans suburbia. (Seriously – if it had have been me driving we would have ended up in the potato fields of Idaho).

At last we were on the right track and had the awesome opportunity to drive over the World’s longest bridge (over water). This dead straight bridge is 40 kilometres long and is a masterpiece. To try to figure out how they managed to build this did my head in. There is a toll to be paid when heading southbound on the bridge. Fortunately we were headed north.

We really didn’t spend too much longer in Louisiana and we were soon in the state of

Mississippi. Now this is truly beautiful state. Louisiana is gorgeous but Mississippi is something else. The country-side is a cross between alpine and deep south. Amid the beautiful fir and pine trees, there were little cabins that you might see in the movies on the bayous....with an African/American sitting out the front on his rocker. The leaves on the trees are every shade of autumn/fall and I can see where the Americans get their colour schemes for Thanksgiving.

As we were driving I became overwhelmingly tired following becoming sick earlier that morning. I could not prevent myself falling asleep although I did not want to. By lunchtime the Bear needed to pull over into a gas station, as he too needed a kip. Later in the afternoon I again struggled to remain awake however the Bear woke me up prior to reaching the next border given that he knows I am taking photos of these milestones. We finally came to the Tennessee border and with that we were also in Memphis. The landscape immediately changed.

Memphis was nothing like I had imagined. No...I have no clue what I imagined, but I knew that this wasn’t it. I found that it was quite ugly and had no personality like the other cities or states we had been to. It is unassuming and quite plain. The freeway was littered with trash, the houses non-eventful, and the street corners are boring. In every other city we have been to, there is a CVS (large Chemist chain) on every corner, or a Walgreens (also a chemist but with a few groceries), or a large line of take away stores. Memphis doesn’t have this. I could have been in Brisbane for all I knew. However I knew Graceland was here so knew there was more to this city than it appeared.

This morning we headed off to Graceland early with the intention of having breakfast there. Again I was surprised by Elvis Presley Boulevard as it was nothing like I had imagined. It is a large main road which is very busy, and contains a number of run down businesses. There were homeless men begging for money – it was just ghastly given that it has a major tourist attraction (I sooooo hate using that term for Graceland). However once you actually get to Graceland, everything changes. On one side of the road you have the commercial side of things – the souvenir shops, eating areas and where you pick up the shuttle to go across to the mansion (you can’t just walk up there yourself) etc. It is also where Elvis’ planes and cars are housed, as well as a number of memorabilia items.

We went in and purchased our tickets before going and having a bite to eat. Again we encountered those that could not understand our accent however I am none the wiser as to why. Following this we went out to wait for a shuttle to take us across to the mansion. When you line up to get this, your photo is taken with a picture of the gates to Graceland. These photos are to be ready by the time you get back from across the road (the mansion). I find this concept interesting and an amazing revenue raising activity by the Americans. They do this absolutely where ever possible. Going to Alcatraz? *Snap* Now there is a souvenir you can’t refuse. Going on a paddle steamer? *Snap* Shit they got us again. Thank you for the unplanned souvenir. Going to Graceland? *Snap* You really would have thought we would have learned by now. Yes please...another souvenir. Going to the rest rooms? *Snap* Yep another souvenir of where you spent a penny. exaggeration maybe....but I am not too far off the mark.

Going up to the mansion was something I wasn’t quite prepared for. It was a total contrast to the commercial activity across the road – it was a quiet and extra-ordinarily beautiful residence. It was much smaller than I had imagined, and the estate was as well. It is not small by any stretch of the imagination however it was not humungous like I had expected. The house and grounds have been done up for Christmas and this added to its charm. When going to Graceland you wear a headset and listen to an audio tape explaining rooms, outer buildings, and items that are there. It was very easy to imagine Elvis being here and it seemed to make him more human. The things you learn about the man whilst you are there is very surprising. He was a very, very generous person who worked very hard at doing what he loved. He was passionate about his family and his privacy, and he was extraordinarily talented. He made a HUGE contribution to the music world and changed the lives and career pathways of many. However I still do not believe that he died 16 August 1977 and am still very much a supporter of the conspiracy theory....consider me mad if you must.

Once we got back across the road, we visited the museums and subsequently the attached souvenir shops to each one of them. I find the commercial side of “Elvis – The Business” quite awful and along with the Bear wondered what he would think of all this rot now.

Following this we headed to Sun Studios where Elvis first went to record a song for his mothers birthday. Fortunately a receptionist who was on the day that he went there, kept a copy of the song he recorded and played it for the owner of the recording studio. Unfortunately the owner was not interested, and it was a year before Elvis was contacted and asked to come in and record another song to see how it would be received on the air. The rest, as they say, is history. We did a tour of Sun and had the most awesome tour guide who was an enthusiastic man who clearly loved the music industry and its history. We heard original recordings of people such as Johnny Cash and Jerry Lee Lewis – just a couple of names of people who went there with a dream and became superstars. It was just awesome!

We then went for a quick drive over the next border to the state of Arkansas. Why? Because we could! Strangely once we crossed the border the scenery changed again and seemed appropriate for Arkansas – big fields of.....grass.

Visiting Beale Street was one of Alyx’s requests on the “to-do” list. This is Memphis’ Bourbon Street – a high activity location where jazz is prominent. I absolutely loved it. It was very similar to Bourbon Street in New Orleans however was more open, cleaner, and more inviting. It was also very handy to The Peabody Hotel where we could witness “The Peabody Ducks” to their second march of the day. At 11am every day, the Peabody Ducks come down from their home in them, via an elevator, to take up residence in a fountain in the middle of the hotel for the day. At 5pm they return up the elevator and back to their home. It is a long held tradition with the hotel – there is a lengthy story to it however I simply do not have the time to go into it now. There were several hundred people at this viewing of the ducks and although we were quite a long way back, still got to see them do their thing. They were just awesome.

Now I have to be up in four hours, to catch a flight to New York....so I am heading to bed. Each day is more filled than the last and my time is very scarce. My blogs are becoming boring reads! As we are going on two flights again tomorrow, I am sure I will have plenty of material tomorrow night. So.....see you in New York

Days 19, 20 and 21 - Planes, Trains and Automobiles (and a boat)

I haven’t posted in a couple of days because we have been that darned busy!  I will just do a quickie blog so that you know I haven't died.

Two days ago we flew several hundred miles over two different flights in order to get to New Orleans. Leaving Albuquerque we managed to get ourselves an extra period of time at security and had a number of toiletries confiscated. Long story. Having been held up at security (where I might add that no-one took the offer up to frisk me....but they did score a nude photo at one of those x-ray thingies) we had to step up the pace to make our flight which was boarding. I take approximately 10 leaps to one of the Bears single steps so felt like I had run a marathon by the time we got to the plane. The Claytons plane. The plane you have when you’re not having a plane.

Do you know those cars you see at the circus? The one that looks like a Mini Minor but seems to fit 153 clowns in it? Well that was this plane. In lieu of the safety demonstration that the flight attendants show at the beginning of each flight, they taught origami so that you could fold yourself into a shadow in order to fit in the seat. There appeared to be three flight attendants - the first one I am sure witnessed the birth of Jesus himself. The second just looked like an angry pancake. The third was very similar to the flight attendant from “Meet the Fockers” and was the most personable of the three. The first flight was from Albuquerque to Atlanta –  3 painful hours. The Bear and I were proud of ourselves on being able to strike a pose and hold it for the entire flight. We couldn’t breathe in or out or move just in case we spilled out into the aisle...we just had our tongues poking out so that the flight attendant could throw some water on them when she shuffled passed.

The entire time we were in flight, a Latino lass behind me kept kicking the absolute shit out of my chair and sounded remarkably like a hyena. Not that I could blame her.....her partner sounded like Donald Duck. There was no television or music in flight either.... so listening to the hyena and Mr Duck was a little bit of light entertainment.  The fellow sitting across from them looked as though he had stuck his head out of the plane for a while. If I could have unravelled my arms (they had been folded into an origami giraffe) I would have applauded whoever manufactured the product that was in his hair.  I do have a sneaking suspicion that it is by the same company that makes Viagra.

Once we landed in Atlanta I was able to remove my right foot from my left ear and my left foot from the roof and re-establish the blood flow to my legs. We went up into the terminal so that we could figure out where we had to pick up our connecting flight. Given that this airport was larger than the state of Queensland this was no easy feat. Even the Bear said he had never seen such a large airport. It is one of the main hubs in the United States and was ridiculously busy. As it turned out we had to board our connect flight in terminal 19. We had landed at terminal 13. We couldn’t even see terminal 19 let alone get to it. Lucky for us there were trains that ran underground between the terminals so we boarded that. Heading into terminal 19 we were able to get something to eat and drink and wait for that next flight.

Fortunately the next flight was not full so the Bear moved across one seat so that we had room to breathe. Finally at 9pm we arrived in New Orleans. We had flown over places that I had only heard about in songs.....Amarillo, Birmingham, Alabama and more. We caught a taxi in order to get into our motel – this being our first taxi experience since arriving in the U.S. The trip into the city was a blur, but given that our faces froze having experienced 10 “g’s” as the cab cruised (?????) along the highway, we could be forgiven for thinking that we were in fact on the set of “The Fast and the Furious”.  Once at the hotel, the Bear went in search of a baggage trolley whilst I stayed out in the street with the luggage.  I sincerely feel that I was privileged to have experienced the "real" side of New Orleans in my first 5 minutes there....even if it did mean that I pulled a toenail backwards in an attempt to make sure that one piece of luggage wasn't stolen by a passing vagrant.   It should have occurred to me that he wouldn't have stolen the suitcase as his stench (which would have outlasted religion) would have penetrated everything and it would have had him easily identified to the police.  There cant be too many people that smell like year old tuna. 

This leads me to right now. We have spent two wonderful days in New Orleans and will be driving to Memphis tomorrow. We have seen Bourbon Street, listened to Jazz, watched street performers, been to the French Quarter more than once, and have spent the afternoon on a paddle steamer. We have jammed more into the last couple of days than we could have thought possible. New Orleans, like every other city we have been to, has a personality of its own.  This is seriously a unique town that is exactly like I pictured it would be - right down to the last African/American. It is great.

Tomorrow I will make sure that I do a proper blog from Memphis!

Day 18 - I miss my babies

Well we are packing our stuff to catch the first of our flights within the country tomorrow. We will say goodbye to the trusty Ford Escape that has taken us on our journey thus far and will fly to New Orleans. This will make for a very long day as we will fly to Atlanta first (2 hours ahead of New Mexico), stop on the ground for a couple of hours, and then fly on to New Orleans (1 hour behind Atlanta, or an hour in front of New Mexico). We will arrive there around 9.30pm Saturday night (US time) at which point I won't have a clue which day of the week it is.  And.... just when I am getting used to the Mexican accent, we will now also throw French into the mix.

Today the Bear took me for a drive around Albuquerque and showed me where he was stationed on the Kirtland US Air force Base. That truly blows my mind. We also visited “Old Town Albuquerque” which is an old town square that was founded in 1793. There were a lot of the Mexican locals who line the streets to sell their wares as well as a number of craft and souvenir shops. I thoroughly enjoyed poking around there although I will add that listening to Christmas Carols with a Mexican accent was entertaining. “Siiillllllrint nyyyyte. Haaaaawwry nyyyyte”. We visited the Candy Store which sold sweets that had me think of home. (“Green Boogers” made me think of Nic). Across from this was a beautiful old convent which I was tempted to enter and place a request to join the sisterhood.

The souvenir shops are filled with Mexican mats and sombreros as well as a lot of pottery. More than this however is the religious content. There are crosses and churches, and more versions of the baby Jesus than there are hairs on my head. Both Albuquerque and Santa Fe have a deeply religious culture and don’t mind celebrating their faith by creating replicas of their lord. I do scratch my head however and wonder why it looks as though they are taking the complete and utter mickey out of him. I do not have a religious bone in my body however even I know that Jesus didn’t look like a cross-dressing "Iron Man". Another Jesus looked like he had suffered stroke but that was nothing compared to the one which looked like a blow up doll doing gymnastics on crack. I thought momentarily these were jokes, or had been made by the local kindergarten however no – this was expression by the devout community. This was a shame because I was primed to grab some clay and make my own contribution. Given that it is legal to carry guns in this town though it was probably a good idea that I didn’t.

Also today we dropped into “Avenue” which is one lot of fat-racks clothing in America. I love the fact that their pants and trousers have three different size classes - Petite, Average and Tall.  The jeans and trousers that I can purchase from this store are in the "petite" range.  As far as I am concerned that is like putting chocolate cake on spaghetti...but hey...I will grab it where I can.  "Petite" means short/stout/ducks disease....and this makes their pants just simply awesome!  I had made a few purchases at the store in Las Vegas and they had emailed me to inform me of their “40% off sweaters and boots” sale. Every other chubby store I have ever been to in Australia or the U.S I have found that the staff are of a similar build who can wear the product that they are selling. I have always found that this has been great because they experience firsthand the issues of being a larger person. I was very surprised to find that the sales person in this store was a tall, very thin, African/American man. This being said he was absolutely great!

I am amazed at the colour of the sky here in New Mexico. It is bluer than the North Queensland sky on a spring morning. I would have expected it to be choked with smog like L.A is...but no. The clouds seem to be painted on the sky with water colours – yet I can’t seem to capture this with a photograph. I don’t know if it is an optical illusion with the towering, brown mountains that surround the city, or whether it is simply the stark contrast to the desert. Whatever the case, it is very pretty and is totally unexpected.

What was also unexpected this morning was seeing two miniature dachshunds that are staying here at the same hotel. It is legal in the United States to have pets at certain motels although it does come at a cost - $75 a day. The Bear and I were walking down toward the reception area to have breakfast which is included in our stay. The Bear realised he forgot to leave a tip for the housemaid so ran back to our room to do so. I waited outside on a pathway. I saw a man walking towards me – he had a mini long haired black and tan (who was leading the way I might add) and a mini short head red (who wanted to run amok). He was a fair way off but I didn’t hesitate to start walking in his direction, and that turned into a half desperate run. He turned off toward his own room, so I sort of *cough* gave chase. The man and his dogs (who the Bear came across as he was coming back from our own room) disappeared into their room just as I had nearly caught up to them. I stood there with tears in my eyes (I am such a sook) and was tempted to go and knock on this man’s door to request a cuddle with his dogs. I refrained but stood there missing my “Bubba-Girl” (Ella) and “Boyz” (Schultz) even more than I am already. In the past 48 hours, I have thought I heard Schultz bark in a street in Santa Fe; thought I heard Ella growl in our motel room; and thought I felt Schultz nudging my leg (as he likes to do when he is “directing” me). I think I am hallucinating. God I miss my babies.

Speaking of dogs, when we were in a “Five and Dime” in Santa Fe I saw some dog bones for sale. They were from deer antlers and I was mortified. I know that we eat cows and chooks but in this country they hunt just for fun. In Colorado I saw many signs that said “Hunters Welcome”. There they hunt Moose and Deer. Having now seen deer in the wild and been close enough to look into their big brown eyes (I kid you not...it’s just like looking at my Bubba-girl) I have no idea how they can hunt just for fun. In Albuquerque this weekend they also have the “Great Coyote Hunt”. I haven’t seen coyotes in the wild but I do know they are just like dogs and it breaks my heart to see them being hunted. We have also just found out that the Prarie Dog population near Albuquerque Airport was poisoned by the council recently because the Federal Aviation Administration didn't want wildlife near the airport.    If I spend too much time here I suspect that I would become a vegan!

Bring on New Orleans!

Day 17 - Wild Hogs!

What an interesting start to our day. I was getting changed so that we could check out of our hotel, find somewhere to have breakfast, and then head to Albuquerque (which I have finally learned to spell without asking). It was 8.15am and we heard a tap on the door to our hotel room. Oh my God....it was the Mexican Maid coming to make up the room WAY too early.

“Haaarooooo” she said. The Bear sprang towards the door (as I tried to adopt the crash position) in an effort to prevent her from coming in....with a resounding “NO!!”. We heard the key turn in the lock before she finished her “haaaroooo” and with that she copped an eyeful of my stark naked (and yes....utterly gorgeous) body. As the Mexican Maid tried to cover her now burning eyes...she uttered “howse keeeeeepin” before the Bear sent her away. With that I quickly dressed and we left the hotel to try to find some breakfast.

Some of the things I have learned since arriving in America:

• Everything has cheese on it.

• Everything tastes like shit

• The coffee tastes like paint stripper

• Unless you like Mexican for breakfast, you are fairly screwed.

We headed into downtown Santa Fe to look for somewhere reasonable to have breakfast. We found some cafes that gave us the choice of Mexican, Mexican, or Mexican. We thought about this long and hard, and after some pretty fairly heavy discussion the Bear and I decided we would have Mexican. I just hoped that I could find something on the menu that would not leave me with flames leaping out of my behind....again. We chose to enter “Pasquals” having incorrectly read their menu outside. The menu on the inside was completely different to that outside. It turns out....the menu outside belonged to the place next door. On THAT menu we could have had granola along with our Mexican. At “Pasquals” we could just have Mexican. On a brighter note, this cafe served only organic food.

As we had already ordered a coffee at “Pasquals” we couldn’t exactly leave to go next door so opted to stay. I scanned the menu carefully to see what I could order that would be gentle on my delicate behind. A cheese and avocado quesadilla it was. The Bear decided he would have “Pasquals Special” which was whole wheat pancakes, eggs and sausage links (sausage links is what the Americans/Mexicans call more than 1 small sausage....go figure). We sat back to soak in the New Mexican ambience whilst listening to the Three Amigos doing Boney M.

I have only ordered 1 coffee since being in the United States (in addition to the acid that they try to force on you at breakfast) and it was placed in the bin very shortly after recovering from my first sip. However the server at “Pasquals” offered us a cappuccino and this sounded appealing. I have been beyond desperate for a decent cup of coffee and figured I would give the Mexicans another chance. The cappuccino’s arrived without delay....in what can only be described as a bucket. No handle and large enough to only just place both hands around it. It was huge. I looked across at the Bear with a look that said “Are they trying to kill us?”. I watched him as he sipped it, thought about it for a few seconds, and nodded his approval. He stated that it wasn’t that bad. I have been caught by this misguidance before, so cautiously took a sip. Nope...it still tasted like paint stripper...however it was paint stripper that I could at least stomach.

Our breakfast arrived – my quesadilla was actually quite nice. The Bears breakfast looked ok too with the exception of the sausage links (which resembled something of Schultz’s that we to would find in our back yard) and he said it tasted ok too. So....breakfast with tolerable paint stripper and reasonable food = a success! With that we were on our way to Madrid.

When the movie “Wild Hogs” came out, I passed comment on Madrid (pronounced Maydrid) where a lot of the movie was filmed. It looked like a cute, country town. The Bear stated that he had actually been to Madrid which was in New Mexico, not far from where he lived in Albuquerque. So...on this trip we decided to take a detour when travelling from Santa Fe to Albuquerque and go through Madrid. It didn’t add too much time to our days travelling. I was surprised that the cute, country town was in fact a dry, desert town which had initially been reduced to a ghost town before some community members made their best efforts to (successfully) revive it. The movie being shot in the town gave it the additional boost that it needed. We were both surprised however to come across the diner that featured prominently in the movie – and was not a diner at all. It was an old house done up only for the movie and was now serving as a tourist attraction. We were extremely stoked to have seen it and been inside it though. The detour via Madrid was well worth the effort and I would love to go back there.

The New Mexico desert is different to that which I had seen through the other states. This one looked more harsh than the Mojave Desert and I could understand why the movie was set there. As we got closer to Albuquerque the Bear again expressed his wish for me to see the view from the top of Sandia Peak – the crest of a mountain that towers over Albuquerque and is over 11000 above sea level. Albuquerque is around 6000 above so this was going to be a great deal higher than we were already at. As everyone knows, I have an extreme fear of travelling on steep, winding roads following an accident in 1988 however there is no time like the present to overcome a fear. The drive to the summit was 14 miles and was on a reasonably good road. I was concerned that the snow would make the road slippery however it also didn’t seem too bad. Unfortunately I had little interest in enjoying the scenery as I was feeling as though someone was standing on my chest.  I didn’t like that at all. I had developed a wheeze over the last couple of days which I was a little worried about - and it was interfering with my breathing. I assume this has been the result of me not taking one of my medications as we have been travelling. The pressure of driving up the steep hill just made it more obvious.

At the summit I really, REALLY struggled to breathe. I was seeing black spots, felt sick and one of my nostrils started bleeding. We took a couple of quick photos before making our way back down stopping only to photograph a herd of deer that were close to the road - until an Asian woman stopped and started running at them like an absolute moron.  If I had have been able to stop and slap that woman silly...I would have done it in a heart beat. 

With that we continued our trip to Albuquerque where the Bear has been able to share his memories of when he lived and studied here. I really look forward to having a look around this city!

Day 16 - Moose Poo Potato

So today we leave Colorado and head for Santa Fe, New Mexico. Colorado has been far more beautiful than I imagined. John Denver sure knew his stuff when writing the lyrics to the song that always made me want to go there. The Rocky Mountains are currently covered in snow on the peaks, and the snow is scattered amid the lower levels. The mountains are covered in fir trees which are living “Christmas Cards” with the snow sprinkled on their branches. All of the houses are like chalets with their timber structures complimenting the mountain sides and valleys. Creeks and ponds are frozen over but the sunlight on the ice makes them sparkle brilliantly. Horses are in the paddocks surprisingly without coats. I am guessing they breed them tough there. I needed more arms and hands to use all pieces of equipment to record our short time there. It was beautiful.....just magical.

The minute we crossed the New Mexico border the scenery changed. The mountains fell away and we were in very open land – still quite beautiful in a masculine sort of way. We came across cliffs and mountains which were different to anything I had seen before. I am still astounded at how this country side changes dramatically and you don’t see the same thing twice. The houses started to take on an Aztec look and we started seeing signs of poverty again. We were only inside the New Mexican border for a couple of minutes when we were overtaken by two police cars, and a sheriffs car – all with their sirens blazing and they were absolutely hammering in order to get to where they wanted to. I was sort of hoping it wasn’t prophetic.

We arrived in Santa Fe in the late afternoon. It has to be the most bizarre city that I have ever seen. Every single house, every single business, every single motel, and every single take away food outlet etc, are built in the Aztec design. They are square and brown/terracotta but are attractively so. It does make it hard to identify places however I am sure the locals don’t have an issue.

Churches seem to be excluded from this rule. We visited “Loretto Chapel” which is said to have experienced a miracle. It is to do with an internal stair case that was built without nails or glue, and by one man alone.....after the Sisters of Loretto Chapel prayed for 9 days (or something like that). I had never heard of it, however was keen to have a look. I completely understand that if I am to be entering a church, I do risk others lives as the mere shock from me entering the church would be sufficient to bring down the roof. However given that the sisters state that one miracle occurred there I was most happy to initiate the activating of another.

The church is a lovely old thing (am I meant to write church with a capital “C”?). As you go in via a side entrance (where the $3 admission is paid) there is a tree covered in coloured necklaces. I think the Bear said that they are rosary beads. There is also a drawing/picture of a lady wearing a robe although I haven’t got the faintest idea who she is. We entered the church which was quite small but very....*cough*....church like and my instincts were initially to completely run amok. The Bear turned on the video recorder so that we had an insider’s record of the roof falling in, but alas that wasn’t to be today. The mere fact that I had stepped inside the four walls was miracle enough apparently. To my credit I was relatively well behaved – my mother would have been pleased! This is not to say that I didn’t want to jump over the empty pews, have a yack to the great, late J.C, and blow out the candles that were lit....but I didn’t. We looked at the stairwell that had been built; I formed my own opinion on how it got there; and we left.

We exited the chapel via another side entrance that took you into a gift shop (just like at a theme park) where I seriously considered buying a bottle of holy water for $6.99 or something like that.  Given that there were 100 bottles there for sale and could be refilled out of an urn look thing (marked with a sign saying "HOLY WATER" which obviously indicated that it was the real deal) I was concerned that one bottle would be less holy than the other.  Short of buying all bottles or emptying all of the ones that I didn't buy, there was no way of being sure that I secured the holiest of water.  I therefore decided to pass on this obvious bargain.

We arrived at our motel after dark and fairly much left again straight away to get some dinner. We are yet to find somewhere that has decent food here, so decided to just go to “Denny’s” again. It is a cheap place to eat and the food is nearly edible.  I have also not seen it on an episode of COPS recently.  It beats paying a fortune for food put that we can’t eat. I was particularly hungry given that we had not eaten all day and was almost desperate for an Australian steak and some vegetables. My head was pounding!

I nearly know the Denny’s menu off by heart now, but still scanned it for what I wanted. I didn’t want anything with bread or cheese (both of which are disgusting here) and wanted meat and vegetables. The closest that they had was “Country Fried Steak and Gravy” which came with “two sides of your choice”. The Bear had originally said he would was order this so I felt that was a great find! I ordered the “Country Fried Steak with Gravy” and selected mashed potato and corn as my two sides. The Bear ordered french fries and baby spinach with his. I was seriously looking forward to this!

Imagine my complete surprise when the plate came out with the food covered in white goop sprinkled with black dots. It totally smothered the pieces of steak and the mashed potato. The corn was pale and dried out. I tasted the American version of gravy and found it tasted like a watered down white sauce with too many peppercorns in it. The Bear made mention that this was the type of gravy he had with his “biscuits” (scones) at breakfast the other morning except it had mashed sausage in it instead of peppercorns. I recalled my terminology for what it looked like – cat vomit. However it wasn’t something that I found inedible and once I was able to unstick my tongue from the roof of my mouth I tucked into it. I was starving.

I cut into the steak and the knife went in easily. I stopped and wondered how - in a country that can’t cook for shit – they managed to cook a tender steak? Now I can burn water but the yanks are worse cooks than me, but the steak cut as though it were silk! I put it in my mouth and slightly gagged at the clag glue that covered it, and found it to be very crunchy on the outside and easy to chew on the inside. It tasted slightly familiar and nothing like the steak we have at home. I figured this was because I love my steak to be cooked bleu (where a skilled veterinarian can bring the cow back) and this was obviously well done. I tasted the mashed potato which had clag slathered all over it, and pulled a face. Now that was disgusting. I couldn’t work out of it was real potatoes or made from potato flakes, but it had some sort of cheese mashed through it. The cheese here tastes like moose poo and that taste could not even be disguised by the clag.

I continued to eat the steak however and wondered why on earth it tasted so familiar. I didn’t really like it but was too hungry to pass it up. There was two pieces there and I knew I wouldn’t get to the second, but wanted to at least finish the first as to not insult the cook. I have had too many waiters (or servers as they call them here) question me about leaving food on my plate. I was just finishing that one piece and commented to the Bear again that this tasted so familiar. He advised that he had made a startling observation – the steak was in fact mince packed down and covered in crumbs before being fried. A little like a frozen meat patty. The reason why it tasted so familiar is that it was similar to a squashed down rissole covered in bread crumbs. It wasn’t “steak” after all....or at least what I consider to be steak! So....my “Country Fried Steak with Gravy” and two sides turned out to be “Squashed Down Rissoles smothered in Clag” with moose poo potato and dried out corn. Needless to say I didn’t come close to finishing it....but at least hadn’t paid a lot to waste it!

We are off to Albuquerque tomorrow...and my mission for the day will be to find a food that I consider edible! It is all part of the American experience I guess...and I am still loving it!

Day 15 - Chimichangas

This will be a quickie because I am freezing cold so am going to rug up in bed!

Early up and at ‘em today! We wanted to take some pictures of the Grand Canyon as the sun is coming up. It is damned freezing but this is too special to miss. I dress up in what I can only describe as something you would wear to a bad taste party. I needed to keep warm so was using what I had. If I needed to make a fashion statement or introduce a new fashion trend at this time, so be it.

 The walls of the canyon literally changed with each passing minute. As the sun hit them they developed a silvery sheen – almost sparkling. Lower in the canyon a blue tinged mist remained this was a stark contrast to the brilliance above. I snapped away happily whilst still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was standing in front of one of the “Seven Wonders of the World”. I again felt very humbled.

We set out again and headed for Durango, Colorado. It has always been a dream of mine to see the Rocky Mountains. John Denver left me wondering if they were as beautiful as his lyrics suggested. We stopped to have a bite to eat before hitting the highway once again. We stopped at every opportunity to take more photos of the canyon but we had to draw the line somewhere as we really needed to get some miles behind us. Once out of the national park the scenery changed from alpine to desert plains. We passed a sign that indicated that there was another lookout and given that we could see that there was something worth looking at, we turned where the sign indicated to do so. We found ourselves on something which looked a little like an Indian tribal land – there were several Indians setting up stalls with handmade pottery and jewellery.

We stopped by the lookout quickly and then stopped at bathrooms that were up near the highway. We were in the middle of whoop whoop again and I was a little concerned about how the toilets would be. The Bear went in first and came out reassuring me that whilst the loo was the hole in the ground type (or Thunderbox) they were very clean. I was busting to go so weighed up going in a hole in the ground or peeing my pants. The need to pee meant I would be visiting the little Indians room. Sure enough they were very clean but I was seriously concerned that a rattle snake was going to slide up and bite me on the butt! *shudders*.

Back on the road we passed several reservations that the Indians lived on. They are clearly poverty stricken although there always seemed to be nice cars that were parked there. Mind you, there were about 10 cars to every shanty. The scenery kept changing over and over again which was startling. This was something you would never see in Australia. It really is quite fascinating.

I had my first drive on the right hand side of the road. I don’t mind telling you that I HATED it. Sitting behind the steering wheel on the left hand side of the car was nothing short of bizarre - and I had the most overwhelming feeling that I was going to fall out of the car door. It felt as though the chair was lopsided although the Bear assured me it was not. I drove very carefully and was barely game to get to the speed limit. The roads over here are amazingly good so I guess that helped a small bit. Whilst I was driving it was the Bears responsibility to take the photos. I take photos of absolutely everything and it was clear that he would not. I had to point out things that I would have taken photos of – he was letting the side down. I was prepared to forgive him but that was until we went through a small township (I can’t remember the name) where I had to pull up at a red light. The Bear exclaimed that there were cows right beside the road at the intersection. I looked...yes there were two or three cows. Now B take a photo! As I was moving off from the red light, he exclaims again that there was a horse standing in the servo. I looked back – and sure a enough. There was-a horse standing in the service station minding his own business. I asked B if he got a photo of it...but no he hadn’t. I won’t let him forget that in a hurry! Driving through “Monument Valley” (you know where the cowboy movies are made) I insisted that he go berserk with the photo taking. I was still very tense at the wheel of the car and was very glad to pull over and let the Bear take over the driving.

We went through some of the most amazing terrain and whilst a lot of it was boring, I wondered what stories the land would tell if it could. We drove to the “Four Corners Monument” where Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico and Utah meet however there is a $3 charge per person to get to it, and we decided to pass. Once in Colorado we experienced some of the more ugly terrain which came as a surprise to me. I thought all of Colorado was the beautiful travel brochure stuff. Not so. However in the distance was snow capped mountains and the Bear told me that was a part of the Rocky Mountains. I was excited! Nearing Durango we climbed through some absolutely gorgeous terrain which bore none of the ugliness earlier on. It was lush and green with almost every type of fir you can grow, and the quaintest of houses.  There were spots of snow....it looked like Christmas.  Just beautiful. Coming into Durango I saw that it was picture postcard material....and it is from there that I type this. It is absolutely stunning.....with the main street right out of a movie. I can hardly wait to photograph it tomorrow!

We got to the hotel and found that our room has a little kitchenette. We figured that we would just pop down to the supermarket and by something that we could take back and eat at the unit rather than eating out again. At the supermarket we got few things – including “Chimichangas”. Now I had thought that these were a made up term for “Two and a Half Men” however they are very real. We bought a beef one and a chicken one to try. The Beef was yummo....but the chicken wasn’t nice at all. But....we tried it!

It is minus 4 as I type this with the expected minimum to be minus 8. That fashion statement that I referred to earlier will definitely be catching on in these parts! Tomorrow we head to Santa Fe!

Day 14 - Pumpkins and Bears

Today we leave Las Vegas and head to the Grand Canyon. I am actually very sorry to be leaving Vegas as we just simply did not have enough time there. We have had whirlwind trips of all cities thus far actually...and I am so sorry we have not the time or resource to do things differently. However we still have places to go and places to see. Today I will see the Grand Canyon.

We have breakfast at the buffet before we leave, just as we have done for the past three mornings. The difference today was that I lined up by myself to get us a table as the Bear was taking some baggage out to the car. I lined up at the designated entry to the eating area. This desk normally has a concierge who leads us to our table however she was not there when I got there. I can see that she has gone to take someone else to their table, so I just waited for her to return. She got side tracked on the way back and I was slightly annoyed because I had been standing there for several minutes.

Four Americans came to stand behind me, and were talking amid each other. They commented on the fact that they were required to wait to be shown to a table and stated that this wasn’t “a prep school” and they should just be able to help themselves. With that....they did! They pushed past me and helped themselves to the last remaining table in the buffet area. I pretty much spat purple dwarfs as that table effectively was meant for me and the Bear. At this time, the concierge had still not returned. I could see some other patrons were finishing up their breakfast so I knew that it would not be long until we had a table. The Bear also had not returned so it wasn’t a real issue that I was still waiting.

A minute later two American men came to stand behind me. They were politely talking to each other and were wondering whether they had to stand and wait for a table, or just help themselves. They looked at me before they started to overtake me and make a beeline for the table that had just been vacated. Not on your Nelly fella’s!

Me: *politely* Excuse me....I am waiting for a table also. The lady will be back in a minute.

Yank Number 1: Weeeert

Me: Pardon?

Yank Number 1: Weeeeert

Me: I’m sorry. I beg your pardon?

Yank Number 1: Whaaayaaart

Me: *blank look*

Me: *blink*

Me: *raises one eyebrow*

Yank Number 2: I don’t think he understood what you said.

Me: Ohhhhhhhhh...ok....he was saying “What”...as in “what did you say?”

Yank Number 2: *nods*

Me: Oh. Ok then. *turns to Yank number 1* I’m next. WAIT-YOUR-TURN!!

Yank Number 1: Bloody Brits.

I swear if someone calls me or the Bear Poms or Brits again, I am going to shove their head up a dead bears bum!

We drove all day stopping at Hoover Damn, which was amazing. We crossed the Nevada border into Arizona (where we had to change the clocks AGAIN!. This is the third or fourth time since being here and my body clock has given up on trying to figure things out) where we stopped at a place called Grasshopper Junction which was just up the road from Santa Claus. Santa Claus consisted of one broken down old shed. Grasshopper Junction was a convenience store in the middle of whoop whoop. There were a couple of redneck cows out the back who seriously looked inbred. The store had a green alien painted on the front of it and it wasn’t until later that I realised the alien was in fact a grasshopper. I would love to suggest to the artist not to give up their day job. We stopped there to purchase a drink and cautiously entered the store. I was hit by an overwhelming acrid odour and immediately saw that two women were doing something with some meat. I suspect they also double as the local butcher – not that there is anyone within cooee – or as a couple of axe murderers who kill passers by and turn them into jerky. The lady who served us was not there for any small talk and seriously had the personality of a dung beetle. This was ok as I was keen to get out of there.

Back in the car we resumed out trip and I resumed my excessive and obsessive photograph taking. We arrived at the Grand Canyon in the late afternoon and immediately went to a lookout site. It was damned FREEZING but I was almost overcome by the sheer magnificence of the canyon. To try to put it into words would simply not do it justice – so I will stick to saying that I felt humbled. We then headed to “El Tova” where we were staying the night. El Tova sits right on the rim of the canyon and I mean literally on the rim. You walk out the door or look out the window and the canyon is there. El Tova is a log cabin type lodge which features many deer and moose heads on its walls and a roaring fireplace in its den. This made a change from the bears and pumpkins that are currently adorning houses and shop fronts...maybe for thanksgiving perhaps? The Bear had booked the “Fred Harvey Suite” which was a room with a balcony that overlooked the canyon. There are apparently only four rooms that look out over the canyon in its entire perimeter so this was a privilege. Fred Harvey was the gentleman who founded the group of hotels that El Tova belonged to – with El Tova being the main location. The Fred Harvey Suite was located on the upper floor at the opposite end of the reception area. I wanted to help the Bear unload the car and haul the suitcases up the steep flight of stairs however the chivalrous one would not hear of it. He wanted me to continue snapping away whilst we still had light.

We trudged up the stairs and down the end of the long hallway which creaked with every step. There was a smell which I can’t describe and this became stronger as we entered the room. I took two steps inside the room and stopped rock solid. There was a freakin’ great portrait of Fred Harvey himself hanging in the room and was watching over the bed. Now I did look hotel up before flying overseas and read that the hotel is meant to be haunted by the ghost of Fred Harvey. The sight of him watching over the bed absolutely freaked me out and the Bear predicted that we wouldn’t be getting much sleep. I wanted to throw a sheet over the portrait but decided that would be a seriously stupid move if the place was in fact haunted. A ghost might be fairly pissed off if I did that! I went out to the balcony to try to get away from the damned painting and the smell, and spent the next half an hour snapping away until the sun went down.

We had dinner at the restaurant which had logs lining the walls and another fire place roaring. Well at least that is what the Bear told me. The place was so darned dark I couldn’t see a thing! The Bear had to read me the menu while I pretended to look at it. He ordered a schnitzel and I had crab cakes before we retired to the spooky room. I confess that whilst B was in the shower I had a bit of a chat to Mr Fred Harvey and told him that if he started to rattle chains during the night we would take our money and run – and that this would be completely against what his motel chain were about. I was happy that we had that little chat and despite his eyes following our every move from his portrait, and my imagination working overtime with the blobby things that you see in the dark, I did manage to get a small amount of sleep in the impossibly uncomfortable bed! Durango tomorrow!