Day 9 - Lady-boys or shims?

Today we woke up to a more season appropriate day. It was foggy, damp and cold. The hot weather that we had up until now was apparently freakish. San Francisco SHOULD be foggy and cold at this time of year. We are so glad we went to Alcatraz and across the bridge yesterday as it is barely visible today. From what the weather reports we are going to strike a bit of snow well before hit New York.

Thank goodness the elections are over and done with here. However the news broadcasters are now dissecting each of the candidate’s history and their campaign ups and downs. I thought this would all finish once the election was over and done with, and the 600 TV stations could go back to screening something entertaining....however....nope.

Just a quick paragraph which I forgot to put in last night. The Bear went into the laundry at the place where we are staying to do some washing. He was gone for a few minutes and when he came back he was cussing loudly and was visibly shaken. He had taken someone’s clothes out of the washing machine as its cycle was finished, and it could have been all night before the clothing owner came back. There had been no sign of the clothing owner and he carefully took them out after cleaning down the top of the dryer to place them on it.   He began putting our clothes into the washing machine.  He was interrupted by an almighty scream – and turned to find a lady wearing a sheet who was screaming at him! She asked him if he had removed her clothes from the dryer....and of course he said “yes”....and he began to get the clothes down off the dryer for her. She screamed at him yelling “DON’T TOUCH MY CLOTHES!” She then stated that she was “kosher” and that meant no-one could touch her clothes but her. She kept yelling at him...and suffice to say he was pretty weirded out by this. Firstly because she was screaming at him, and secondly because she turned up at the laundry in a sheet!

I would also like to make mention of the clam chowder that I had at a restaurant last night. I always thought chowder was a soup however this was more like a clam and bacon stew. Very filling but I am not quite sure whether I loved it or hated it...however I couldn’t come to San Francisco without trying it.  It would be like going to New York and not trying a hot dog with mustard from a street vendor.

 We went down to Pier 39 to have some breakfast....and to see the sea lions. There probably would have only been 40-50 there where as they can have anywhere up to 1000. Some of them were quite playful, and the rest just huddled together. Whilst they stunk the same as the ones in Monterey the other day, they were still beautiful and again I found myself missing by dogs.

We also stopped in at a “spy” shop. I thought this might have souvenirs that Alyx might like. I didn’t for one moment think that it might be a “real” spy shop....alas it was. It sold everything from smoke bombs to surveillance equipment to mobile phone trackers. Nearly everything in the store would have been completely illegal in Australia and I wondered how they could even sell it in America. It was so COOL! Needless to say we had to leave the store empty handed.

In order to honour one of Alyx’s requests we decided we would catch a cable car (as opposed to a street car ) and have a look down town.  It was a bizarre experience as they go up and down those long, hilly streets as you see in any movie that is set in San Francisco. We didn’t exactly have the best vantage point as we were shoved aside by four extremely rude European men (who were loud and obnoxious and were clearly trying to over compensate for their lack of groin material)  who unashamedly pushed past everyone to get on the cable car first.  People squeezed on like sardines and I found myself a little uncomfortable with people being well within my personal space.  Once the cable car started up the first hilly part my arm reached out to grab onto a pole (my other hand had the camera in it) however instead of grabbing a pole, I grabbed a man that was standing on the side of the car next to the Bear. I was so embarrassed!  In order not to allow this to happen again, I wrapped my legs around a pole and hung on tight. Whilst this was not a pretty picture it freed up both hands and I was a little more successful in taking a few photos.  The Bear was also able to get some good video footage whilst hanging off the car (this was completely legal) and  on a warm day would have been excellent!  By the time we got down town I was so terribly cold that I could no longer feel my nose or feet. I was also desperately in need of something to eat. There is a large shopping complex at the end of the tram line so we thought we would go in and thaw out there.

I decided I would have something Mexican for lunch and sat to reserve a table in the food court whilst the Bear went and purchased it. This was a particularly exclusive shopping centre with the likes of Bloomingdales in it......definitely up market. The Bear and I were dressed very poorly compared to the other patrons – I was in bike pants and joggers, with hair unkempt....and the Bear was in shorts and joggers etc. I sat at the table and was trying to sort of blend in....you know....trying NOT to act self conscious about what I was wearing. I was pretending to just be sitting there chillin'...and tried to look totally cool. I tried to make it look as though my bright purple and pink striped ankle socks which poked out from my white and blue striped shoes, and the large hole in my bike pants were deliberate fashion statements. I am not really convinced that I successfully pulled this off. I saw a very tall blonde woman come striding towards me. She had ordered some food at the place across from where I was sitting (hamburgers if you must know) and they had called her number. She tossed her curly blonde hair back and strode to the counter. I was admiring her hair and her suit that she was wearing (silver with a very slim black stripe through it) and was thinking how lovely she looked given that she was so tall and made even more so by the heels she was wearing. I watched as she spoke to the person behind the counter (hoping she wouldn’t fall down and break a nail due to those heels) and was wondering if her hair was permed or natural; whether her blonde was dyed or natural; and wondered if her finger nails were fake or natural. She turned around from the counter to face in my direction and I noticed her perfect, arched eye brows and her absolutely flawless makeup; and her large and very noticeable “Adams Apple”. Say what?? WTF??? She/him/it raised one of those perfect eyebrows at me, and then sauntered off. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The Bear came back to the table with lunch and I told him about the cross dresser I had just seen. He had not seen her. I didn’t go into too much description because I didn’t want anyone to hear me talking about it out loud, when he asked if it was the “lady-boy” that was sitting “over there”. He gestured towards a group of people that were standing a couple of feet away.

I looked over and saw a group of three people – the first being a pretty Hispanic woman, the second being a very flamboyant and obviously gay (not there is anything wrong with that) male, and a very large breasted Asian who also had a prominent Adam's apple. Unlike the tall blonde I had just seen, the Asian looked as though he/she/it had been smacked in the face with a shovel. The look of surprise on my face was something that I could not disguise and I started to look at every other patron in a new light. I watched the flamboyant male gesture wildly with his hands, and tap his mile long Italian shoes whilst talking like Elmer Fudd to the lady-boy who giggled madly (and sounded like Daffy Duck) at him. The pretty Latino watched the animated pair and I could not tell if she was male, female or extra-terrestrial. It occurred to me that I may as well stop trying to hide my pink and purple socks as I knew that I had no hope of fitting into the scenery when there were men there that totally out did me in the beauty department and who had perkier breasts than me. This new found freedom allowed me to let my hair down in ‘Frisco because it was apparent that “everything goes”. Woot!

Day 8 - Twinkies and Ding Dongs

And so is my eight day week! We have been in the United States for one week today, however we lived through the first of those days twice (given the change in time zones) hence our eight day week. It has gone so fast.  I fear the next weeks will go even faster. *insert sad face here*  I am a little tired today.  I have done more exercise in the past week than I have done in the past decade!  My blog will be a little less energetic tonight.

Today was absolutely gorgeous. San Francisco had an expected temperature of 27 degrees which is unseasonably warm. Apparently a cold front is coming through and temperatures will drop substantially over the next couple of days. In fact, snow has been predicted at Yosemite which is only about 4 hours from here. We may get to see that!

Anyway back to San Fran today – it was warm and the blue sky was wonderful. It was the perfect day to set out on the bay and visit Alcatraz. It takes twelve and a half minutes by ferry across to the island....and it was on that journey that I got my first look at the Golden Gate Bridge. It is just awesome. We caught a tram down to near the pier where we caught the boat. The trams are absolutely beautiful and the smell reminds me of the old wooden trains that we used to take when Mum took us into town. It was like stepping back in time.  Out on the bay in the ferry we were able to look back that the San Francisco skyline - and it was a sight to challenge any capital city that I have seen in my life. I sincerely don't think any city could match it.  It is beyond description.  I find myself wondering what I will think of New York!

Alcatraz was so much closer to the mainland than I had pictured. It is in such a beautiful spot but it projects a feeling of sadness. I didn't want to feel sad for the prisoners that were there.....but I couldn’t help it. We went around the cell house listening through a headset (it was a self guided audio tour) to a tape recorded by past employees and inmates of Alcatraz. They told of things that happened and things during their time there and felt that there are things that the world should know. Hollywood has glorified Alcatraz and apparently the scripts are a far cry from what really happened. There were things that the narrators didn't tell us although I suspect they would have liked to.  I suspect that the walls hold the secrets....those that everyone really do not want to know about.  They would rather listen to the myths than the untold truths.

 The island was much smaller than I had imagined, as was the jail itself. It really was an eye opener. The cells were small (I think I heard 5 foot x 7 foot) and equipped with a toilet bowl and a bed. It would have been darned cold in the winter. Apparently their food was good and presented well, as it was a legal requirement to do so. The inmates were given a roof over their head, food and clothing. Everything else they received was a privilege.

After getting back to the mainland I experienced another round of “firsts”. I had my first taste of a “Snapple”. I used to see it all the time on Seinfeld, however didn’t really know what it was. It is actually a fruit juice drink. It is quite refreshing and it tasted nice....but it is just a fruit drink. Not juice. I also got to experience a “twinkie” and a “ding dong”. The first is a sort of cylindrical cake with cream that has been piped into the middle of it. It was seriously nice however very sweet. The second was also a cake – chocolate cake with cream in the middle and is covered on the outside with another layer of chocolate. I didn’t like it as much as the twinkie. Just for the record however, I felt a little naughty eating a “Twinkie” and a “Ding Dong”. Maybe it’s just me....but together they sound pornographic. *shrugs*

This afternoon we went in search of Route 37.  This was a challenge that Alyx set - as one of her favourite bands make a reference to this.  We went about 20 miles north of San Fran and we found the route.  It led to Napa Valley which is wine country.  I took several photos of the signs that said "37" and we then head back into the city.   This afternoon also saw me going over the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time. Alyx had set me the challenge of getting a photograph or video recording of us going over the Golden Gate and singing “Save me San Francisco”.  So we did exactly that. Mind you, I could not hold the video recorder, and hold my phone which could have had the lyrics (after seeking help from Google) on tap – so I had to wing it. I might have mumbled my way through the song not knowing the words....but the chorus? I owned that shit! Mind you I sounded like a South African Tree Climbing Duck.

The Bear rang the cattery today to check on Benson and Chester. The lady told the Bear that she is calling Chester “The Turtle”. He is apparently crawling in under the bedding and chasing the toy mice that the Bear left for them. When under the round bedding he looks like a turtle. This may be typical behaviour for a cat...however Chester is not really aware that he is a cat...and I have no idea where this side of him came from. I am guessing that the poor thing has had a nervous breakdown due to being left and is suffering from schizophrenia . He clearly is sending out a cry for help....the poor boy. Benny apparently snubbed the people for a couple of days....but then realised that sucking up to them was better than no-one at all.  Typical Benson behaviour....so I know he is fine.

The Bear then rang Elena (the lady who is looking after Schultz and Ella) and apparently they are behaving. *sigh* They only misbehave when I am around. God I miss them!   AI know most of you will remember my anguish at leaving my babies and that the Bear rang Lena when I had wanted to cancel the second place that I had booked them into.  Lena is their groomer and if she could have recommended someone, then I would trust her judgement.  As it turned out, she was happy to look after them - and given that she is one of the very few people that I would trust with them, I was stoked! Ella and Schultz love her.  I am sure my relief was visible!  Apparently Elena ‘s husband loves them so much, they are wanting to get one! I suggested that we could get another one too so that we can get a discount for a multiple purchase.  Of course, this was quickly stomped out...although I think the Bear thinks I was joking.  He even put his best foot forward in trying to give away my dogs, and offered Elena first rights to keeping them.....however he realised that it is far too warm for hell to have frozen over. I miss my babies too much!  Secretly though, I am hoping the dogs want to come home when we get back as Elena allows them both to sleep on her bed! I would LOVE to have them sleep with me in bed however the Bear draws the line there.  On the bright side of things, I am glad they are being looked after so well.   Just for the record, Lena you ROCK!  Anyone looking for a really good pet salon, with awesome people who REALLY care for animals....call Elena's Groom Room.

Tomorrow will be our last full day in San Francisco. We are going to do some more touristy things and do a spot of shopping. I would also like to visit the "Spy Cafe" across the road.  It is a fair dinkum spy shop!  I was tempted to do a nudey run (it is legal to get around starkers here...as long as you are not aroused, and are not around children) however I don't think even San Francisco would be ready for me to do that.  I can only begin to think of the news headlines. "Nude lady gets slapped in the face by her own belly!"     I still cannot get over how beautiful this city is so I wouldn't  want to spoil that with blubber and cellulite.  I could go down the road to the Asian Trannies who are doing a show here is San Fran at the moment.  I could chuck on a boa and shake my groove thang with the shims!!

Days 6 and 7 - Happy Birthday Ma!

Sorry about yesterday! The motel we checked into in Monterey did have an internet connection, but the laptop refused to be a part of it. Fortunately we have the facility back today.

So we left Los Angeles on the most beautiful day. There was little evidence of the smog that had been hanging around since our arrival. It was very warm day with the most bluest (is that a word?) of skies which made it an absolutely awesome day to be travelling up the coast road on the way to San Francisco. The weather is apparently unseasonably warm with record temperatures being set. Not that I would understand this...because I am stuffed if I can figure out the whole Fahrenheit thing. Me trying to figure out temperatures, mileage (versus kilometres) and time differences; is like trying to get Schultz to complete an algebra equation. *holds up stupid sign*

We travelled the coast road through Bel Air and Malibu. They were just WOW! Especially Malibu. Wow. Just stunning. It was hard not to sing the theme song to “Two and a Half Men”...so I just went with the overwhelming urge...and sung it. The backdrop to the ocean and the homes was a very dry, rocky, baron hillside which was a total contrast to the beach houses that lined the absolutely gorgeous beach. The palms there were less scary (yes...less scary) than those that are prominent in Los Angeles. I guess I haven’t told you about the scary palms? And that’s palms which sway in the breeze...not the thing on the inside of your hand.

Los Angeles has palm trees absolutely everywhere. These palms are native to California and were planted in L.A in the 1920’s and 1930’s and are known simply as the “California Palm”. They are tall, spindly trees with a tuft of fronds right at the top. They also feature grey “beard” looking stuff which hangs down beneath the fronds. It would seem as though this is cut off the tree in some suburbs but is left on in others. I am guessing its simply because the trees get too tall. When these palms are planted together, they don’t look too bad I guess....but when they are scattered unevenly – one here, one there – they look like tall, angry men who are trying to hide their arms. There is nothing endearing about that and I am fairly sure they become alive at night and terrorise their neighbourhoods. *shudders* Scary stuff. I really need to curb my imagination.

Anyway...no more angry palms. As we passed through Malibu the Bear suddenly stopped in the middle of the highway and did a u-turn. He had spotted a large pod of dolphins (well actually I think they might have been porpoises) and they were not in a hurry to go anywhere. I took a million photos and the Bear did some video-taping. It was just lovely to watch them. 

Back on the road we found ourselves getting fuel (ok...gas) at a small town called “Winchester” which is just past Santa Barbara. It was the first time we had to fill up, so I felt this was a big moment in our lives. I videotaped it (yes....I am a fair dinkum nutter) before realising I had about seven and a half seconds to make it to a ladies room. The Bear pointed it out to me, so I ambled inside to find that there was only one communal toilet. The toilet was in a large room...and it had a sign on the inside of the door suggesting that you lock the door with the slide across bolt “in order to protect your privacy”. Geeeez, no shit Sherlock! So I take my place on the throne which seemed to be in the middle of this room. I felt like a naughty kid put on display. I had not even started to tinkle when the door knob started moving. Someone was trying to open the door! I dead set nearly fell in the toilet! I didn’t know whether to suck it up; hurry up; pull them up; or finish the job at hand and be ready with a witty salutation should the door be opened and my lily-white butt be shown for the world to see. Sheer fright allowed me to “pee quick” and unfortunately I was not given the chance to say “LAPD. Raise your hands and face the wall” to the obviously desperate Mexican who I found on the other side of the door.

May I just make this random comment before I forget again – Americans have cheese on absolutely EVERYTHING.....and they put coleslaw with nearly everything. I swear I will never eat either of those food stuffs ever again.

Okies...back on the road we decided it might be a bit of a stretch to reach Carmel before dark...so we took the trip easy with the intention of just pulling into a motel when we felt like it. We could have taken a far quicker route however we had been told that the coast road was amazing. Well amazing did not describe it. It is breath takingly beautiful with the scenery outside the right hand window changing every couple of minutes...and the Pacific Ocean (which was outside the left hand window)...was just stunning. The coast road goes in twists and turns as it climbs its way up the cliffs. This would normally have bothered me however I was snapping anything and everything with my camera. Still on the coast road (route 1) we passed Hearst’s Castle; stopped in the middle of nowhere to watch some sea lions; and made our way around the rocky cliffs with the intention of at least getting to “Big Sur” before dark. Big Sur is actually a part of the Santa Lucia Mountains which arise abruptly from the Pacific Ocean. Big Sur means “the big south” in Spanish....and is nothing short of spectacular.

In the late afternoon ass we continued to negotiate the roads around Big Sur, I asked the Bear if we could stop so that I could take a photo of the sun setting over the water. I had only had the opportunity to see this once before (in Perth) however I stupidly closed my eyes at the moment in question, so that I could see if I would “hear” the sun hitting the water. Yes...for an intelligent person I sometimes have precious little upstairs. We stopped for a couple of minutes...I took a thousand photos...and we were on our way again. Driving through the last parts of Big Sur we figured we would to get to Carmel after all given that we weren’t too short of our target, and because there didn’t appear to be many places to stay at Big Sur. This was one of the few nights that we hadn’t pre-booked accommodation. The day was long.....and we were just keen to find somewhere and get to bed.

In the dark we saw a little bit of signage for Carmel but it was few and far between. I am night blind so I can offer very little in the way of directions unless I make them up. After a while it became obvious that we had passed any turn that there was to Carmel and the next exit off the highway would be at Monterey. Not to worry....we figured we would stay in Monterey the night and check out Carmel tomorrow. So it was off to Monterey!

This morning we woke up to a brilliant sun rise...with a view to die for. There was mist hanging around over the beach (a little like what it does to the bridge in San Francisco), the sun was shining, the sky was blue, and the buildings were simply quaint. We checked out of our motel and took a drive to have some breakfast. We found an awesome cafe right on the pier which served fantastic food and provided fantastic service. I had a single pancake....which was larger than a hub cap (I kid you not...and I only ate about a third of it) and the Bear had a 3 egg omelette with spinach, cheese etc which looked mighty fine. As we sat there, we thought we could hear some sea lions.

After breakfast we went in search of whatever was making the noise and we came across several hundred sea lions sun baking on the large rocky pier. There was a metal fence that I was looking through and we could literally bend down and touch them. I was fascinated by their behaviour....which is not dissimilar to my son at home; they fought and growled, they stunk, and their teeth needed a good clean. On the bright side they obviously loved each other and lay all over one another. They growled and communicated just like Schultz and Ella! They were just beautiful! It made me seriously miss my dogs!

Anyway my lessons learned in the past 24 hours are as follows:

• Marriott Hotels do not have kettles in the rooms. They prefer to think that their coffee machines will cater nicely. I am curious to know why everyone here will drink pigs-swill because it sure tastes like something you would expect to use to strip wallpaper from the walls.

• Some Marriott’s here do not even have bar fridges in the rooms.

• Americans do not understand us. No amount of trying will get them to actually hear the sound. Most wont guess where we are from (dang it....I would have soooooooooo much fun with that!)

• Daylight savings (which ended in California yesterday) totally screws with tourists who are struggling to understand the times zones. This might only be another hour but it totally did my head in.

• Snickerdoodles go softer after the packet has been opened. No-one likes a soft Snickerdoodle.

Back on the road again today heading for San Francisco. We dropped into Carmel which we so cleverly missed last night – and found a very, pretty “village” with a beautiful beach, trees lining the streets and flowers hanging in baskets.....and a stack pretentious old people whose arrogance totally outweighed the beauty of this town. We were glad we had met the nicer people of Monterey and the beautiful African American people that were at Crenshaw a couple of days ago. So quicker than you could say "Go ahead. Make my day" we were outta there! I would have loved to hang around and assess how many people wearing heels did NOT have a permit (it is a legal requirement in Carmel) however it was more important to get back on the road.  

We decided we had enough delays and made a genuine effort to make a beeline for San Francisco. The trip was uneventful although I still managed to take photos of absolutely anything. We stumbled across San Jose which was like an oasis in the middle of a moonscape... If anyone asks “Do you know the way to San Jose” I will have to say no...because in this land of a million signs....there was very little to announce San Jose. No wonder the question is asked in a song!

Finally we reached San Francisco. What an absolutely glorious city! It is just stunning! I was snapping madly away....when the Bear told me to keep my eyes peeled for the Golden Gate Bridge. A bridge came into view and he exclaims...”there it is!”.....”ummmm...no its not!” He had pointed out the Bay Bridge. We continue. A bridge came into view. “Now! There it is!”....”ummmm or is it the same bridge?”. He thinks for a minute and asks “does that Bridge look new to you?” B Bear....as if I could tell a bridge from a taco at this point in time. Which person in this car was just coming into San Fran for the first time in their life? *mentally shoots hand up* We drive further towards our destination, and the Bear is desperately trying to figure out if the bridge we could see...was the Golden Gate. The Bear found out that the bridge we could see was the Bay Bridge....and we were yet to see the Golden Gate. From all accounts, it sounded like we had lost a bridge...and I got the giggles. We arrived at our destination (minus seeing the darned bridge) and walked in to check in...with a person who I believe could be rather flamboyant....not that there is anything wrong with that.

Tomorrow we go to Alcatraz and will be crossing the Golden Gate Bridge once we find it...so that I can meet one of the challenges my daughter gave me. It should be a great day!

Day 6 - Leaving Los Angeles

I will update this as soon as I have Internet access to the laptop. It is temporarily not available and I can't do my waffle on the phone :-S

Day 5 - The Walmart Experience

So today we went to Walmart. I felt that this was a “must have” experience when travelling to the United States. I have seen so many emails that contain not so flattering photos of the people that shop there....so I just had to see this for myself. Ok...well....for that reason...and the fact that I have not been able to find any fat-racks in L.A and given the photos of the....shall we say.....shape challenged people that visit Walmart....I figured that perhaps they may sell clothes for those that make the weighing scales scream. I had completely forgotten that those images also show people wearing their pyjamas; their bathing suit; and even just their underwear. This in itself should have told me that Walmart do not sell clothes. However...I'm apparently too thick to recognise this....and still wanted to visit there. 

As we wanted to head back to Beverly Hills in order to allow me to stalk Gene Simmons (of KISS fame) we decided to go to a Walmart that was on the way....which was in the suburb of “Crenshaw”. On the way I had our video camera taping as I have done every day. I figure that not only is this a way to show my children what America looks like...it is also a fantastic memento for us. I tend to hold the video camera one way...and look around at everything else. I am fascinated by the signage over here – there is so much of it, and it is so different to what we have at home. We stopped at a red light and I turned to look out of my own window (on the right hand side) as I heard a loud voice coming from the next car. I was met with a stare from the driver who was an aging negro, and his passenger. I looked down at the video camera that I was holding, and then looked around to see where we were. We were in a very poor neighbourhood (although different from Venice) where there were bars on everything including the bakery and bridal shop; there was graffiti on the shopfronts and walls; and the side walks were overflowing with African-Americans (not that there is anything wrong with them). I looked back down to the video camera and asked the Bear whether he thought that I should put it away. He thought that I meant to put it away because the locals wouldn’t appreciate me filming them. I told him no...that I was worried that they would want to steal it! I should have slapped myself right there and then! 

As we drove into the car park I was desperately searching for another white person but alas there was none. I looked at every other vehicle expecting it to be harbouring a potential assassin and looked at every person as the potential gunman. However for the first time in my life I recognised how uncomfortable it must be for an indigenous Australian when they are placed in a completely white society and are looked at as though they are not welcome. I recognised that despite the fact that I never considered myself to be racist, I was very clearly being that right now. I was embarrassed to conduct this honest self assessment. Still....when we were walking towards the front doors of the shopping plaza I walked more hesitantly than if I were heading to the gallows.

Inside there were black people everywhere.... I mean everywhere. I was sure that we had walked onto the set of the “The Cosby Show”. Every person you have ever seen on one of those shows where the people are predominantly African-American, are real. Yes people....they are real. I would not have been at all surprised if Fat Albert came bounding along. I fully expected to see every colourful character from “Coming to America” including the sleazy priest. I am sure I saw my first real “pimp” having breakfast at McDonalds and I am fairly sure I had a neon light flashing above my head that said “Yo mofug! Shit scared white beeeatch!”. I was very grateful that my Bear was being very supportive and reassuring because I was getting ready to leg it outta there!

Before long though I became side tracked with all of the different things that were there. In particular, there was a n odd vending machine. A baby vending machine. I found this to be a very strange concept and chuckled to myself when I pictured this as being a painless way to have a baby. Throw in a few dollars and the machine could spit out a pre-selected baby. I seriously needed to see what was in a “Baby Vending Machine”. It turns out, that everything in it, is for a baby. Just the same as you can pay and receive a can of coke, or a packet of chips....in this machine you could get a diaper, or a teething rusk; or something similar. I thought this was FANTASTIC!! With that we headed into Walmart (it is within a shopping centre) and started on the Walmart Experience. Well....well.....well....

This is the most AMAZING store! It has anything and everything (with the exception of clothing) from pharmaceutical items, to groceries, to department store merchandise etc. It has the most amazing prices I have ever seen! There is no possible way I can make a comparison to any store in Australia because there simply isn’t one. This chain provides good quality products for exceptional prices. This Walmart was on two storeys – which I thought might present a problem. If you fill up a trolley upstairs...how do you get it downstairs? Or...vice versa? Never to mind! They have escalators....which travel along side a trolley carrier. When you want to go upstairs or downstairs...you pushed your trolley onto the carrier...then jump on the escalator and meet each other at the opposite end. It was great!!

Never one to turn my back on a bargain, I could have cried when I saw what I could purchase however was bound to stay within the limitations on what we could carry home. I made a mental promise to check online to see if I could order there, and have items shipped. What I found more amazing....was the fact that once I mingled with the locals....I completely forgot about being the only white chick within this shopping plaza.....and forgot I had expected to be mugged. I wanted to slap myself silly for being allowing myself for having such thoughts in the first place.

 

The African-American people turned out to be much friendlier than a large percentage of the white people I come into contact with. And just for the record....those photos that you see of Walmart patrons...the ones that show people who really don’t care what they look like when they visit the store....well they do actually exist. They are there in their overwhelmingly tight clothes with their thublubberters spilling out and their back boobs poking out of the arms holes; or wearing their ridiculous makeup...or even dressed in just their pyjamas. They might be a few kangaroos short in the top paddock....but as it turns out.....they just want a bargain too!

Day 4 - Universal Studios

I just wanted to mention something that occurred yesterday before I forget again!

We decided to go to Venice Beach as that is something that I really wanted to see. We were going to go earlier in the week however got side tracked with other things. I am stuffed if I know why I been thinking the place was a paradise....I am guessing it is from one of the many movies that I have seen it featured in. Good lord...how wrong I was.

Venice Beach is seedy at best. It is obviously one of the poorer suburbs of LA and I am sure would have a crime rate higher than most. Whilst we were walking along the footpath the lines the beach (which I couldn’t see mind you) I actually witnessed a white man and dark man make an “exchange” – a clear plastic bag containing marijuana. It was apparent that marijuana was prevalent as the place reeked of it...and I saw one man quite openly smoke it.

Along the footpath there were countless T Shirt shops – all containing the same products – and a variety of locals some of which were clearly homeless or not “quite there”.

 

“Muscle Beach” was empty however I had no trouble in picturing multiple male body builders using the equipment and have no doubt that the only thing bigger than their muscles would be their egos. Several indigenous men were trying to offload DVDs to passers-by, although I have no idea what the DVDs would have contained. Clearly they wanted to exchange them for money however. I was not comfortable in the area despite it being daylight and me being with the Bear and was very keen to get back to our car. As we were walking back, a rather tall Negro approached the Bear and me to try to push another DVD at us, and it was at that point that my fear overtook me. We couldn’t get past him without either pushing him out of the road...or resorting to another measure. I figured the second option was probably the best one given that I hoped to come out of this scenario with a pulse. So....I looked up at him and looked him directly in the eye....I summons all of my courage knowing I was doing this for my safety and that of the Bears.....and said.... “Ick shpreeekkiiinnnnn zee doitch?” The dude said “Ahh from Germany” to which I nodded. Then with a wave of his hand he backed off....and we made a beeline for our car.

So it was off to Universal Studios today. We had to go on 3 or 4 different freeways to get there, although it wasn’t as traumatic as when we went to Warner Brothers. Either I am getting used to it...or....someone has listened to my prayers and has euthanized a part of my brain.

Driving up through the gates of Universal felt familiar as Movie World has a slightly similar entrance. That is around about where the familiarities stop. We went to purchase our tickets where the dude behind the counter did the up-sell of the century (normal ticket to ‘front of line” tickets) and went and lined up awaiting the park to be opened. First lesson learned: most of the Americans are considerate people however the Chinese are just blatantly rude. They simply pushed in and didn’t mind how/where or why they did it. Second lesson: You will always recognise an Aussie in a crowd as they will be the ones wearing thongs. Third lesson: You can always guarantee that ANY line no matter where you are in the world, will have at least one “bush pig”.

The gates open and I needed to make a beeline for the loos. As I am doing so, bush pig comes screaming out of the rest rooms stating that there is no toilet paper or tissue. I found that hard to believe given that the park had only just opened. The Bear stated that he would go in and get some from the mens toilet...however I said that I didn’t need that as I would go in and check the toilet paper status myself and would come out and get some should I need to. However my chivalrous Bear went in anyway and came out with toilet tissue stuffed in his pocket. As I was not keen to make a loo paper exchange in public I said again that I would check it out. As it turned out, the ladies bathroom had at least 2 rolls per cubicle. I have absolutely no idea what the bush pig was yelling about.

We walked further into the park only to be stopped with the masses (including the nips and the bush pig) and were told by an employee that the part wasn’t open yet (could have fooled me given that....we were there!) and that we had to wait until we “heard the director yell action!” 15 minutes later after being stood on, pocked at, pushed about etc by the nips....and yes...bush pig again....we heard the “action” so were finally inside the park.

 The studio tour was really, really good however the tour guide looked like a cross between Jim Neighbours and a squashed pie. It was hard not to look at him instead of the attractions. Anyway we went past things like where “Back To The Future” and “Jaws” were set, as well as the street that is shown in “Desperate Housewives” complete with every house. Unfortunately we were not given the opportunity to take many photos however I at least got a few good ones to bring home. It was awesome to think that we were in place that had been graced by the absolute greats of Hollywood.  We experienced “rides” such as that when an earthquake was simulated in an underground subway...and a 3D effect with dinosaurs in a jungle as well as being rolled down a mountainside by King Kong.

We saw the Blues Brothers Show, The Water World Show and the Animal Actors Show all of which were good. I would definitely go back to Universal Studios again.

After we left the park, we walked up a nearly “strip mall” and saw the biggest/tallest candy store that I have ever seen and other amazing shops and things to do. We spotted a “Bubba Gump” (from the Forrest Gump movie fame) and decided we would have dinner there. Dead set they have the most fantastic set up and even more wonderful staff. The food was great and affordable, the atmosphere superb and if I had a spare million dollars I would start a chain in Australia. It was great!

Coming home on the relevant freeways was a nightmare. We didn’t think that we would experience the traffic from hell however common sense should have prevailed. Friday Night + L.A = nightmare traffic. It took us more than an hour to drive back to the hotel.

It was such a long day, and I am so terribly tired, my diary note today will be quite pathetic. Sorry people....I will put my humorous thinking cap back on tomorrow. 

Day 3 - We found the Monte Cristo Sandwich!.

Well.....just in case I forgot how annoying the advertisements were in the lead up to the State Elections...I have had a reminder compliments of the United States elections.  I had originally thought it was ok....as it didn't seem as though one party was slinging off at the other party (unlike our own politicians which, despite being the lowest of low, manage to scoop a little more out of the pool when in comes to slandering their opponent) but now that I have heard the ads over, and over, and over, and over (you get the picture?) I am not so sure.  I haven't quite worked out how these elections work, but from what I have learned a party must submit a "proposal".  These proposals are given a number...and coming election day....you will vote for the proposal that works for you.  The adverts and signage in the streets keep referring to "props" and the relative number.  As I type this, another add comes on in support of "Prop 32".    The next ad to come on is requesting that voters vote "no to Prop 37".  The elections will be over in a couple of days and it can't come quick enough!

 Okies....a road rule in the USA that scores high on my weird-o-meter.  If you are wanting to make a right hand turn....and if the light is red....and if there is no traffic coming along, you can make the right hand turn through the red light.  At home, this would be the equivalent of making a left hand turn.  Whilst the Bear has readily accepted (and used) this road rule....every single fibre of my being screams "nooooooooooooooooo".  I thought this road rule was worth mentioning.    The drivers here create their own road rules it would seem anyway....so am fairly sure they would proceed through the red light irrespective even if there was the rule where you stopped on a red light and had to stay put!  They drive like freakin' nutcases.  Either that, or they are genuinely trying to break a world record.  Suggestions of these could be as follows:

*  fastest land speed record

*  fastest LA freeway speed record

*  fastest shave or make up application whilst keeping steering with your knees

*  largest amount of lane changes without using an indicator

*  largest amount of lane changes with eyes closed

*  most amount of speed changes within 100 metres

*  most amount of speed (in their blood)

*  fastest to go across 8 lanes of traffic in a single bound

*  fastest to go across 8 lanes of traffic single and bound

*  fastest to bound across 8 lanes of traffic whilst single

There are an absolute stack that I could think of.   Another thing that happens here is....unlike our amber colour taillight assemblies.... most cars over here just have their rear indicator as a flashing of the red brake light.  This is even on semi trailers!  I find it terribly bizarre!

Went back to Hollywood today and walked along where the stars are.   I was astounded to find there wasn't one there for me.  I feel that I am a more deserving recipient than Winnie the Pooh!  However....I mingled with ease among the many stars that were milling around the place.....Darth Vader....Mickey Mouse...some dude with fake muscles wearing a blue leotard and tights. It was clear that they accepted me as one of them...and adored me more than life itself.  They followed me and the Bear down the street trying to shove pieces of paper at me.  The Bear said it was advertising...however we both knew that they were love notes.

 We had lunch at "Hooters" which does not have bare breasted women serving like I had thought.  They are fully clothed women (albeit skimpy) that have precious little in the way of personality or brains...not that I am judgemental  *rolls eyes*  They were true ambassadors for the clothing retail stores here in Los Angeles....those that feel that skinny girls are the only ones that deserve clothes.  Dead set....there are NO fat racks here in LA!  The Bear and I pounded the pavement looking for clothes for the shape-challenged (I need a warm jacket to take to New York) however to no avail.  *sigh* 

 Tomorrow we are heading to Universal Studios which will be just awesome!  On Saturday we are thinking of going and stalking *cough* a few celebrities and/or their homes.  Several tour companies want to charge an arm and a leg for a tour....where as we bought a map of celebrity homes and crime scenes (yeah I am a freak) so that we can figure it out ourselves!   Watch out Gene!

PS:  We have found the illusive Monte Cristo Sandwich.  It sells at Jerry's Restaurant and delicatessen at Marina Del Ray....for $16.95.  Woot! Now I just need to find someone who sells grits!